OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

justme111

Zippy, of course in an ideal world it would be nice for children to have a place they could come. The fact is that if you had leaved in a houseshare your priorities would been very different. It is nice and dandy to profess children being a priority when it means you can live in good conditions. You do not want to put money down the drain for renting but it is ok for the ex to do so.
I understand you are resentful for him now doing stuff you wanted done ages ago; for wasted money and him not wanting you. I would been as well. Resentment is what makes solicitors rich and most divorces being not amicable. People turn bitter and twisted and would rather solicitors have that money than ex as Davidp24 said. Will be shame if you end up like that as you strike me as someone nice.

annandale

What advice has your solicitor given you?

Given the Ops income, she might struggle to rent at the moment. The husband is the higher earner, she's working, part time.

It's not the case if you rent you'll never get back on the property ladder, why would that be the case?

annandale

Can you not put your name on housing associations lists? Look into shared ownership.

Is your ex paying any maintenance for your daughter?

FBaby

zippy, I know it is hard to do because as you say, you are still emotionally invested, but you need to separate what you want to fight for as part of the divorce and what is acceptable for him to contribute towards now that you are not together any longer. You seem to want more of the latter and not so much of the first.

It is hard to move on emotionally, but ultimately, you need to stop assuming that he is going to do things because he still cares. He might do, but it is not what is going to be driving his decision.

As a single woman of almost grown up children, you will be expected to be self-sufficient. I agree with you, it's not because your child is almost an adult that you are less a provider to them than if they were a year or two younger, but this is how it is perceived so you'll need to adjust to that.

Do try as much as you can be break away from being reliant on him because he could stop contributing anything any day (although would still need to pay maintenance for your daughter for a few more months). However, do fight to get what is reasonable to get from the divorce. I can't remember your first posts, but is the house the sole asset? Does he have a pension? What did you suggested to him that he is ignoring?

annandale

If his daughter is in full time education he could be paying for a few more years surely

annandale

She wants to talk. He wants to email. I think she's being the reasonable one in all of this

Spendless

annandale wrote: »

If his daughter is in full time education he could be paying for a few more years surely

She's in yr12 taking A levels. By September next year, she should be going to Uni/getting a job, barring any need to take an additional year at the same level of education she's currently doing.

jamiehelsinki

annandale wrote: »

She wants to talk. He wants to email. I think she's being the reasonable one in all of this

They are about to divorce, email isn't totally unreasonable as it keeps a record of what's said.

The op seems happy to keep the house and in no rush to sell, so keeping hold of his share of the equity but doesn't want him keeping his things at the house! (It's half his house, he has every right to keep his things there!)

justme111

Specially as she confesses to getting emotional when they talk. (Re email versus talking. Email safer, less potential for aggravation)
OP, having criticised you for being biased I must say if it was your husband who written here we probably would have warned him not to expect this all to finish soon and that other than your goodwill there probably will be no way to get the house sold in the next year or two so that he does not have unrealistic expectations. You can sort division of assets without actually selling the house I think, just rubber stamp proportions of equity so that both of you could already plan for the future knowing where they stand even though the house is not sold yet. I understand your desire not to move in the next couple of years, likely he will not be able to make you to, just don't get angry with him for wanting to please.

kelpie35

I think Zippy you need to step back from being so nice and accommodating.

You need to put yourself first along with your son and daughter.

Please, please do not continue to bow down to his commands.

He is a bully and is only interested in his welfare and does not care about how this is affecting you or HIS children.

If you have a good solicitor he should be fighting for you and getting the best result for you.

Take care