OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

zippy1997

Just wanted to add, OH moved into his rented room on the 31st Jan.
I have no idea whether he likes it or not as we don't talk.

He has seen DD twice, both times taking her out for food (well, coffee/cake and then mcdonalds, both taken from the joint account) for about 2 hrs each time. they do text etc... but don't talk on the phone.

He is taking DD/DS to his parents the weekend after next to see them as DS is back from Uni for a week (before Easter).

He puts money in the joint account to cover all bills/debts.

His motorbike is still in the garage here as it won't start and he can't spend days here fixing it (he knows the problem). He has to have someone to pick it up. So that's a waste of money sitting there.

zippy1997

One of the things OH did !!!! me off about was in his email he asked me to keep the gas/elec/water/phone usage etc... to 'the normal usage' and he won't pay for any thing over that 'normal' usage. Bloomin' cheek! I was always the one worried about lights being on, too long in the shower etc... and HE has the cheek to tell ME what to do.

zippy1997

springdreams wrote: »

It is a good idea to have the figures available though, just in case

I don't have the figures from the credit cards. The big one (his barclaycard) is online only so I can't see how much he has on it. And his credit report isn't up to date. He won't tell me how much they all are.

Guest101

zippy1997 wrote: »

Well, 2 months on and nothing has changed - yet. OH emailed me in reply to my email at the end of Jan and basically ignored my email and still dictated what HE wanted. Namely to sell the house to clear the debts and then we can move on independently. - at least he's being upfront

He is also starting the divorce proceedings today and wanted to 'warn' me that I would be receiving something through the post from his solicitor. Nice of him (sarcasm font needed). - to be fair sometimes it's better to know in advance.

The evening job I have is going well, nearly the end of my 3 month probation and I enjoy it a lot. The job is in my comfort range and the people are lovely. I am going to be looking for a part time one during the day to make up my hours/cash flow. The jobs I've looked for full time wage wise are about £14/15K, with 2 part time jobs I could make that and work them around my life to suit me. And not waste time on a dog walker which could be about £50 a week if I work 9-5'ish. - also less NI to pay in theory

Have to admit I am having more bad days than good right now. OH dictating terms makes me wonder how this will turn out. He thinks the equity I receive (about £115k) plus a 'mortgage I can afford' (on £15k??) will be enough to purchase a home for me and DD (and DS when he's home). He obviously hasn't looked at prices lately. Either in this town or the ones either side of us are a no go. For a 2 bed flat w're talking about £150,000, in a decent area. He has no clue how much selling this house will cost along with the solicitor costs to hash this all out. - could you not rent for now?

But his main priority are the debts. Funny how he didn't want to listen to me for the past few yrs (could even be double figures) and try to sort them out but now they're the issue?! It makes me mad. - Don't let it get to you, he just wants to have a fresh start.

I will be waiting for the information from his solicitor (hopefully in the next 2 weeks) and will then be going to see my SOL to see what happens next. I've been saving my tax credits to go towards unforeseen expenses and eventually a car but that will all have to be used towards SOL costs now. Another thing OH doesn't give a crap about. He's probably hoping I will just give in. He knows I don't have the money to keep fighting this. But he's wrong. My Dad has said he will help (although this will be a last resort as that's his personal money).

I just can't believe OH is being so selfish. Yes I understand he wants a divorce and the single life, but what about his daughter? Where does he expect her to live? Why the rush to sell - she needs stability now she's going to be entering her final yr for her A-levels. But no, OH doesn't care about that. - I think you may be reading too much into this, she's 17, not 7.

OH gets a pay rise in April plus a nice bonus that will pay for the SOL. That's how he can afford it. It won't affect him the same way. - Unfortunately that's what happens when marriages end

I admit I need to step up more and I will but I can only earn so much and step up so much. He has to compromise somewhere. Which he seems to not want to do. If it was just me I'd take the £115k equity and walk but it's not. DD (and DS) still need a home. - Yes but you could rent and keep the money for the future

Trying to stay calm but it's tough. I have no idea how long this will all take or how much it will all cost.

It depends. You keep saying he needs to compromise, but so do you

Guest101

zippy1997 wrote: »

I don't have the figures from the credit cards. The big one (his barclaycard) is online only so I can't see how much he has on it. And his credit report isn't up to date. He won't tell me how much they all are.

You probably shouldn't be accessing his personal data - unless you want a visit from plod for harassment?


That's the reality of what you're doing

LannieDuck

Does he only put enough into the joint account now to cover bills/debts? Was the amount/division of the bills agreed between you?

If so, he shouldn't be taking money out of it for his time with DD. That's an additional expense, and has nothing to do with the bills or debts.

annandale

She just said she's not accessing his online data

Sorry but I'm not sure how he can force you to sell up given that your daughter is 16.

They are joint debts are they not? If so surely it's reasonable that you know how much the debt is.

Guest101

annandale wrote: »

She just said she's not accessing his online data - She sais she's accessing his credit report, also presumably opening his post.

Sorry but I'm not sure how he can force you to sell up given that your daughter is 16. - Via a court?

They are joint debts are they not? If so surely it's reasonable that you know how much the debt is.

That's where full disclosure comes in to it.

annandale

She hasn't said she's opening his post. I'd be wary of suggesting something like that unless shes said it herself. If he wants to get his post redirected that is easily enough done.

Guest101

annandale wrote: »

She hasn't said she's opening his post. I'd be wary of suggesting something like that unless shes said it herself. If he wants to get his post redirected that is easily enough done.

You're making a big deal out of this.


I'm saying that accessing his information is a bad idea, it can lead to criminal charges.


That's it. If she's not then great, nothing more to say