OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

justme111

"Dictating terms" is her perception. The fact is that he written her an email telling what he would want. How is it browbeating?
Not replying to an email is hardly browbeating or dictating terms, is it?

justme111

She specifically said that she gets emotional in talking to him. How pointing that this fact may have something to do with his preference for written communication is condescending and not nice?
You have not replied my questions but instead you started with accusations of "taking sides" .
You use highly emotional language with an array of derogatory adjectives towards people who disagree with you and op's ex and capital letters.
You make assumptions about how op was told what and on basis of that you give advice full of hatred and on top of it call this helpful.
Then you suggest I am one who had a bitter divorce.

kelpie35

Lets not beat about the bush........... The OP's ex is nothing but a bully.

Zippy, another thought has just come into my head. Have you informed the Council Tax people that you are a single household now? You should get a discount of 25% I think.

Take care

KxMx

zippy1997 wrote: »

That's where I fail. I'm no good at ultimatums and I feel I shouldn't have to. The bike, for instance, should be something he wants to do, mainly as it was his bloomin' idea to save cash. The cards he should want in his own name. He collects all his post when he picks up DD (every 3 weeks).


I don't want issues here. I really don't.

Odds are he is happy with the bike and post situation. He has no incentive to sort them out. He probably thinks that you will allow him to do as he pleases.

I know you don't want ultimatums, and feel you aren't good at them, but realistically you being forceful over these issues are the only way that they have a chance of getting​ resolved to your satisfaction.

annandale

She said he ignored her email and then started dictating his own terms in another. That's why she used the phrase dictating terms.

My view is is that how the Op feels is important here.

I'm not going to spend any more time arguing about this. All I will say is that having been told a few months ago via email that her 20 year marriage was ending it's understandable that she's upset.

I think sometimes when people post answers they often forget they've posted on here in the past looking for advice and support.

It's very clear that no matter what the op says some posters are going to pick everything apart and still come down firmly on the side of her husband.

Not sure that's very supportive tbh..

Hysterical harpies board is what some other sections of the forum call this one

annandale

Her perception should be respected. Even if not everyone agrees with it. It's how she's feeling.

justme111

How me pointing out that your interpreting op's husband's email stating what he wants is browbeating does not have basis and is unnecessarily inflammatory is "anti op"?

(Text removed by MSE Forum Team)

Annandale, perceptions are to be expected what they are and ithey are usual. I was warning about taking perceptions in a highly charged emotional and financial environment as a statement of fact. The conversation went : " he written me he wants to sell the house, my blood is boiling "- " on how selfish of him, p $%@$, don't let him beat you down, he is a bully ". Then when asked on what basis he has been classed a bully you reply it is because of her perceptions. So it is not about her having right to her perceptions, it is about passing those perceptions for facts in a situation which is inflammatory as it is.

annandale

It wasn't me who referred to her husband as a bully. Was someone else.

My issue with perceptions was nothing to do with that. It's how she feels.

She's written him an email. He's totally ignored it and said what he wants.

If she thinks that's dictating terms That's her view, just because we all don't agree doesn't mean her point of view isn't valid

That's what I meant

mgdavid

What on earth gives you the right to tell other people how they should write their posts?
Rarely have I read such breathtaking arrogance.

Pollycat

Just a reminder that this thread is not about anybody else except zippy1997.