OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

Spendless

Presently Zippy qualifies for a tax credit top up to her wages due to her youngest still being in further education. She took the part-time job because she was offered it relatively quickly and it means she still has time to sort out other things that are going off in her life. In around 18 months-ish time she will no longer qualify for this help in and will need to work more hours and earn more. She knows that, this job is purely to give her 'breathing space'

Primrose

There is some sense in her pacing herself in this way. When you are faced with a total meltdown in your life you have to gather your emotional reserves and not overstretch yourself, taking a few paces at a time. There is no point in forcing yourself into a nervous breakdown trying to change the world overnight. As she gains confidence and the legal process of her separation unfolds she will be in a better situation to assess her options.

annandale

She will qualify for working tax credit as long as her earnings fall below a certain amount. I don't have kids and I get WTC due to my earnings, it's child tax credit that she won't get after her children reach a certain age.

Personally I don't think it's helpful talking about what she should or shouldn't be doing.

She posted earlier in the thread saying that she had been offered a full time job but was only going to be 30 pounds a month better off than the job she took.

Let her get on with things. The husband is leaving this month.

She won't be back on here if these negative posts continue.

annandale

I'll be blocking you as soon as I've posted this comment

Can't be bothered with the David show

And it's very odd that lots of people on this thread have been very straight talking with respect to the OP but I'm the person you are picking at

Typical keyboard gangster

annandale

Hopefully the OP will come back and update

Once billy big cheese has stopped bumping his gums

Pollycat

Anyhow, back to the topic.......I hope the appointment with the solicitor went well, Zippy.

zippy1997

Wow, I take a break for a few days and posts galore.

Anyway, the appointment went well. Obviously at the time I didn't know what OH wanted as he hadn't told me anything but we (me, my dad and Sis) asked plenty of questions and things were made a little clearer for us.

OH has emailed me twice.
Email #1 was to lay down plans for this week. What he'll be doing and what he'll be taking with him next week and his leaving schedule. Usual stuff that wasn't a surprise. After I read the email I even started to go through cupboards downstairs etc.. and left a pile of his stuff on the coffee table! Then we did the same upstairs!

He has now taken some boxed up stuff to work (as he can't fit everything in his car all in one go). He has packed his clothes up in boxes leaving out stuff he needs for the week. Weird if you ask me but there you go. He seems to be doing it when I'm at work and I asked him why, he said he thought it would be insensitive to do it in front of me..... crazy, as I got most of the stuff out for him. I'm just concerned he'll pack something I won't know about. He packs his car next Monday night and leaves for work as usual really early Tuesday so I won't see him....

As for Email #2. Well, to say me and my Sis/BIL/Dad are !!!!ed is an understatement. Basically OH wants to get rid of the debts. Simple as. Only way to do that is to sell the house. He thinks we should do that (sooner rather than later) so we can settle the mortgage/debts and move on.

His email was basically 'fair' debts' 'divorce'. Same words kept cropping up. He will cover all bills by transferring money into joint account (no time limit given on this). My wages will cover my/DD's food, car tax and petrol. The rest I earn is 'all mine to do with what I wish' (my dad loves that line, nice of OH to let me spend the rest of my money...). He will have the same disposable income as me - to do with what we wish.

Basically if we have (his estimated) £96k equity left after selling the house, I get a bigger share (didn't state how much) and then we can move on. Um, even with the whole £96k how would I secure a home for DD? I wouldn't - even with a full time job it would be tough - we'd be renting. While he can swan off with his £50k wages (plus plenty of O/T), get a mortgage and live the life of Reilly. That's his plan. He says he wants to plan for DD's future too, but where are me,DD and DS (when back from Uni) going to live?!

Oh and to divorce quicker we could agree we've just been 'co-habiting raising 2 children for a while' therefore getting round the 2 yrs wait. (my Solicitor says we can do that anyway before 2 years if we do the 'unreasonable behaviour' crap, which I was thinking of and taking the blame for, but not now after reading his email! OH won't dictate to me how long to wait.

The email also didn't mention his pension or Child Maintenance for DD. I did say to the solicitor it might not be a good idea for CM but she said it's a legal requirement so saying no would be foolish. I definitely won't be saying no now. The email was all loaded towards HIM. I don't want to take him to the cleaners (and won't) but his suggestions were a joke. Not even realistic. I was going to try to play fair but now I'll include everything and see what the solicitors battle out when the time comes.
My Dad has a plan of his own to help (he'll be moving this yr) but OH (or DD/DS) will not know that for a while.....

Planning to see the solicitor again next week, now I have OH's 'plans' I have a more concrete idea of how to proceed.

Sat morning OH said he had to work. I got a text saying he was on his way home mid-afternoon. A while later I decided to walk the dog. After i'd just left the house I saw his car parked up the road! He wasn't expecting to see me that's for sure! No idea what he was doing. He didn't give anything away when I asked either. I did see him put his seat belt back on. Wonder how many times he's done that parking thing.....

He disappeared on Sat night for a bit. He came downstairs crying and saying he needed to get out of the house for a while. He was gone nearly an hour, and when he came back I said 'I hope the phone call helped'. He sheepishly said it did. The I said 'you called the lesbian (name) then'. Didn't reply but sighed as he walked up the stairs.
We all reckon she helped him write Email #2. It's definitely not him 'speaking'. Email 1 & 2 are completely different.

Job is going well. Apparently I put my name down to go bowling in a couple of weeks! I thought it was just the evening crew but it's a mixture of evening and day shift. Not a lot of people (about 20/25?) but there you go! Should be different. I haven't been bowling for yrs. (unless Wii bowling counts?!)

Getting the house valued twice this week, as a guide to what it's worth. NOT to sell yet!

surveyqueenuk

Erm, I am not certain that OP is legally allowed to change the locks...

annandale

If you take advice on how to proceed from here take it from a lawyer. Don't be browbeaten by what your OH wants, you do want to play fair but the emphasis is on fair, not what he thinks is fair. As for his friend, this is none of her business.

You are very tolerant, I don't think I would have been considering the way he's treated you over the last few months.

BTW for anyone who hasnt read the above post properly. The girl he's friendly with is gay. He's not going to be marrying her any time soon.

He's also not moved out yet. Why would you change the locks under those circumstances?

annandale

No I would think that legally she can't be changing the locks.