OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

zippy1997

Sleazy wrote: »

If you can. The last words I remember from my ex were "If you're staying in the house, I'd like my share"

My ex then completely ignored me even though it was her that left, didn't even want to agree to a divorce - (I waited 2 years patiently for a 'no fault' arrangement). The Judge granted a divorce on the grounds of her 'unreasonable behaviour' anyway. Fortunately now many years ago, even though I believe she may have also influenced our now grown up son to avoid contact with me (haven't seen him for 4 years). Following a break of a few years, now been happy with the second Mrs Sleazy for many years, but would have liked a more amicable break-up from my ex given the choice.

Agree with the previous comments - try to sleep and do what you have to do to move on.

Well everything right now is by email. When we do talk it gets heated. Mainly as everything I ask is met with a 'why?' or a 'NO' answer. It's frustrating. You'd think I was asking for diamonds or something. I just want proof he's doing what he's saying he's doing.
He will be emailing me 2 emails this week outlining what HE wants. He does say it's up for negotiation (nice of him!) so I'll see what he says.

I'm trying to be fair, I want to be fair. I'll see what he comes up with.
Seeing the solicitor tomorrow will help answers some questions I have - hopefully! It's turned into a family outing. My sister is coming - who is a feisty individual! - and so is my Dad. Tbh my dad is coming as a 3rd pair of ears and so we don't have to repeat everything. He has been doing a lot of thinking about my situation and may even have questions we haven't thought of.

My sister is planning a military operation with my questions and her taking notes! I'm there to learn more and hopefully it won't be too overwhelming. My BIL is paying for the session so my OH won't know I've seen them. Which is just too nice of him (BIL I mean!).

Sorry your split went that way. Hopefully one day your son will realise what happened and get in touch or just want some contact with you.

zippy1997

Spendless wrote: »

Thanks for the update. You are getting there, slowly, small steps at a time. That's bad luck about your car, but just think your instinct was right about not taking a job that involved you needing it to travel from place to place in.
Oh I'm so glad I didn't take those type of jobs! At least this one I can walk/cycle to, and I did last night! (well there, OH gave me his car for the way back). I need to sort out my bike though so I can use it as an emergency. Even just walking it there, coming home will be easier.

As for your husband well (IMO) he's either being cagey because he thinks it's none of your business, in which case ignore him and leave him to it, or he's hiding something, which you'll eventually find out and probably think you're well rid of him or he's using it as a way to control you. I have friends whose ex husbands do this to them, so don't let him.

He's always been secretive but now he's gone totally secretive. I see the debts as MY business. I need to know he's not spending on his card that adds to OUR debts. I shall see what the solicitor says about that.
He doesn't think any of it is my business. They're in his name so I have no right to see anything. I do get the feeling he's hiding something.
I will hopefully look back on this next yr and feel relief it's over!

zippy1997

kelpie35 wrote: »

So pleased to hear from you, thank you for the update.

You should be so proud of yourself with what you have achieved job wise in such a short space of time. I am sure it will help to boost your confidence and maybe you will be able to make a few friends there.

they're a great group of people. There's another new guy starting in a couple of weeks so that will add to the group.

As for your OH not telling you anything, I personally think it is a way of trying to control you.
Possibly yes. He has said he feels like he has no control. That's why he doesn't want to hand over any details. His email to me about emailing me again in a few days outlining his plans involved a lot of 'I' in it. I shall see what he thinks is for the best

If I were you I would let him think you don't care, show him, in your own way, that you are counting the days to freedom.
I am actually counting the days down in my head! I'll be having lunch with my dad the day before, as it's the 5th anniversary of my mum passing and we go out every yr (Sis is away so it's just us 2 this yr). Then OH moves the next day. One of his emails will include his plan for this apparently, and what he'll be taking.....

I am sure that in a few weeks lots of things will come to light and you will realise that this is for the best.
Im looking forward to not walking on eggshells. And making decisions for my life. I'm sure I'll be asking my SIS/BIL and Dad for advice regularly as I'm the sort of person who sometimes needs another opinion but if I'm sure about something I'll do it. That will be nice.

Please take care of yourself and as others have suggested get plenty sleep.

Take care.

I do need more sleep yes! My head is still swimming with things. I've tried to update a couple of places but one couldn't do it until the day OH leaves and the other needs more information which I'm gathering together!

I have tried keeping a journal but the trouble is when it's the evening or weekends I can't have it openly on my desk so I put it away somewhere safe and then forget about it.

annandale

If you are working 16 hours a week on min wage an extra 3/4 hours a week won't make a difference to your working tax credits claim. You won't be overpaid with that amount of overtime. If you google you'll be able to see what you can earn per year and still be entitled to WTC

annandale

Btw you don't declare it to the tax credits people at this point. Generally you'll let them know what you earned this year when you make next year's claim. You would only need to contact them if your earnings got so high that your entitlement to claim would be affected.

Have you made a claim for WTC yet?

Pollycat

zippy1997 wrote: »

Seeing the solicitor tomorrow will help answers some questions I have - hopefully! It's turned into a family outing. My sister is coming - who is a feisty individual! - and so is my Dad. Tbh my dad is coming as a 3rd pair of ears and so we don't have to repeat everything. He has been doing a lot of thinking about my situation and may even have questions we haven't thought of.

My sister is planning a military operation with my questions and her taking notes! I'm there to learn more and hopefully it won't be too overwhelming.

You really do need to be mega-organised to maximise your time with the solicitor.
When I went with a friend I had lots of questions and really had to stop her going in to ' he never did so-and-so' etc which had no relevance to the divorce.

annandale

So your advice is to send someone an email to tell them you aren't prepared to communicate via email?

Btw the OP has a job

annandale

With respect,that's just one opinion.

As for advising someone to go on anti depressants, I think you really need to tread carefully on that score

annandale

The Op made a decision to take a part time job rather than a full time one. If you read the whole thread you'll see that.

jackieblack

Maybe I didn't explain it very well.
Yes, you can do the divorce without lawyers. You did, I did, lots of people do that, it's not difficult.

Where you can't avoid using a solicitor is for the financial agreement. The court will not approve a financial agreement/Consent Order that has not been written by a solicitor, or without evidence that both parties have had legal advice on the settlement.
(This may have not been the case in the past.)

Divorcing without a court sealed financial agreement in order to save a few £ in the short term would be extremely foolhardy.