Changing dating strategy? Any ideas please?

onomatopoeia99

indiepanda wrote: »

I started to wonder why I bothered writing a profile after a while when so many guys completely ignored it. I had said I was looking for someone in London within about 5 years or so either way of my age. A guy messaged me saying would I be willing to relax my criteria a little - so I am thinking he means he lives in Kent, or perhaps is 7 years older. Nope twenty years older and lives in Pakistan. I mean seriously - that's not just "relaxing" is it?

Sorry, but that deserves a :rotfl:

While only two hours away rather than several time zones, if I ever manage to finish making an online dating profile, I wouldn't message someone in London. I wouldn't rule out dating someone there or elsewhere a similar distance, but not actively seek them out. I say that as a long time ago I kind of accidentally fell into a relationship with someone that lived there (and totally fell for her, not that that's particularly relevant), but the getting up at 0530 to get back to Bristol for work after driving up the previous evening was exhausting. While it lasted it was so worth it though, really thought she could be the one.

It did also give me a real understanding of the phrase "burning the candle at both ends" :eek:

jamiehelsinki

I would say a few of the women I have met up with have used pictures 3-5 years out of date.

Malthusian

Sandhy wrote: »

Have you tried your local radio station? Strange as it may sound. The local radio here (The Breeze, Hampshire) has dating under it's features section

http://www.thebreeze.com/northhants/dating/

This is a white-labelled site - i.e. it is not run by the radio station but by some DatingSitesRUs.com that runs the "dating" sections of a hundred radio stations, local papers, etc, with the station's logo slapped on the front end.

Its terms & conditions reveal it is run by the same firm (Global Personals) that was caught employing a team of 30 people to create fake profiles and send fake messages to keep the men hooked and paying their monthly subscription. Full story here.

Paid-for dating sites should be avoided like the plague unless you are a millionaire and looking for the "exclusive" end of the market.

Smartsaver7

KnightRider wrote: »

the oddest one recently was someone who insisted on me getting into her car at the end of the evening and driving me to somewhere miles away from the railway station I needed to get to go home. I said "no thanks" and pointed out it would be a huge trek back to the station and she started to get really angry and I started to get really uncomfortable so just said I was going back to the station now and left. When I got home I had a really angry message waiting for me saying how I obviously didn't care about her... it was the first time we'd met! I just politely said that I felt she wasn't for me and I wouldn't like to meet again, sent it and then blocked her (just in case). Very strange and no idea what the idea was about driving me miles away from where I needed to be - and why it was so important that I did that!

The film Misery comes to mind , it's pretty obvious what she was after, you sound like you haven't much experience with women , I suggest you carry a can of mace in future ;)

Gloomendoom

How much info do you get on a dating profile? As well as the good sense of humour, likes dogs and long autumn walks kicking fallen leaves stuff, do you get a full length front, back and side view, for example?

Smartsaver7

Gloomendoom wrote: »

How much info do you get on a dating profile? As well as the good sense of humour, likes dogs and long autumn walks kicking fallen leaves stuff, do you get a full length front, back and side view, for example?

The written profile can be as long or short as you want, you can blah your life up as much as you want , you then have the drop down boxes for all your attributes and what you are looking for ie height, smoking, drinking, salary, occupation, marital status hobbies etc. If you go down the Eharmony route you spend hours ticking biometric boxes and answering over 600 questions or how many you can handle.
You can add as many pictures as you want , some for some bizarre reason post pictures of their pets and even worse their kids.

Gloomendoom

Smartsaver7 wrote: »

The written profile can be as long or short as you want, you can blah your life up as much as you want , you then have the drop down boxes for all your attributes and what you are looking for ie height, smoking, drinking hobbies etc. If you go down the Eharmony route you spend hours ticking boxes and answering over 600 questions or how many you can handle

That seems like a lot of words which doesn't really replicate the natural way that most men, at least, initially pick a potential mate.

I'd want pictures. Perhaps even a voice clip.

ETA Pictures of the person, not their children or pets.

Smartsaver7

Gloomendoom wrote: »

That seems like a lot of words which doesn't really replicate the natural way that most men, at least, initially pick a potential mate.

I'd want pictures. Perhaps even a voice clip.

ETA Pictures of the person, not their children or pets.

I agree , I found it to be a rather waste of time as most of the women I met were nothing like what they portrayed , if I ever get back on the horse I would prefer to meet in the real world not at some "job interview" type meeting in an unfamiliar location, been there done it

It really doesn't matter how well you match online even if 97% , if the person doesn't float your boat when you meet isn't going to happen

onomatopoeia99

Malthusian wrote: »

Its terms & conditions reveal it is run by the same firm (Global Personals) that was caught employing a team of 30 people to create fake profiles and send fake messages to keep the men hooked and paying their monthly subscription. Full story here.

Paid-for dating sites should be avoided like the plague unless you are a millionaire and looking for the "exclusive" end of the market.

That's an oft-produced, four year old reference, do you have more up-to-date information?

PeacefulWaters

KnightRider wrote: »

Yes, I've noticed that too. Unfortunately it seems to be the default for people to say "why don't you try online dating" - particularly those already married or in a relationship and not having experienced OLD. I get the impression some believe that it's "so simple" and is just a case of specifying what you want and an ideal partner is delivered to your door next day, Amazon Prime style!


Gone are the days of "I have a friend who might be interested in meeting", which is a shame as, in my experience, friends are better at gauging whether someone could be a good match or not than the 'algorithms' apparently used by OLD.





Can't say I've ever contacted someone I've met online for medical advice! It's the same for me though - majority of people I've met have been ok but there have been some strange ones... the oddest one recently was someone who insisted on me getting into her car at the end of the evening and driving me to somewhere miles away from the railway station I needed to get to go home. I said "no thanks" and pointed out it would be a huge trek back to the station and she started to get really angry and I started to get really uncomfortable so just said I was going back to the station now and left. When I got home I had a really angry message waiting for me saying how I obviously didn't care about her... it was the first time we'd met! I just politely said that I felt she wasn't for me and I wouldn't like to meet again, sent it and then blocked her (just in case). Very strange and no idea what the idea was about driving me miles away from where I needed to be - and why it was so important that I did that!






I personally think 6 months is ok for photos - I think it's a problem when the pics are years old and the appearance has changed a bit. There's a point when it is dishonest and I think really old pics can be that.


I think it being 'exciting' is a two way thing though - some people are a lot more interesting in person than they come across as in messages. Sometimes it's the other way around! I do get the impression some people can't be bothered though. Especially when responses are just "yes" or "no" with no attempt to turn it into a conversation! Those ones tend to end pretty quickly for me. There has to be some kind of interest on their part, after all.


Good luck with your search!

Missed an open net there!