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Changing dating strategy? Any ideas please?

So I'm trying yet again with online dating - I know I gave up a couple of weeks ago but unfortunately there just isn't really any other easy way to meet new people (certainly not for me anyway).

I've set myself a target to message at least one person every day. I know that doesn't sound a lot but I really find going through profiles a real drudge. Most are very samey and it's hard to get an idea of what someone is really like as I get the impression people are just copying and pasting their profiles from somewhere. Every now and then though you do come across one where someone has made more effort than the rest - and those ones tend to catch my eye.

So, I currently have about half a dozen messages after trying this for about a week. Admittedly, two contacted me first but I'm not complaining!

The problem I find with online dating is that it's very hit and miss. I've had two serious relationships from it and I really thought the first one was 'the one', we really got on well and we were on the same wavelength for so many things but she was just too far away and it became a real struggle.

Unfortunately since her I've never really met anyone I really connect with through OLD. It's getting a bit depressing to be honest. All these supposed algorithms and things are just nonsense and it's just a case of meeting random person after random person.

I'll be 37 at the start of next year and my dreams of settling down and having my own family with someone special are looking more and more like they are going to stay as dreams and nothing more.

People say there are loads of women that are looking to settle down but that's not my experience from dating sites, I'm afraid.

My life outside of this couldn't be better - I've just spent the weekend doing a lot of DIY to my house, I had an appraisal at work on Friday where I was told they were very very happy with me. I have a great job and I'm the manager of several teams of people and doing stuff that I enjoy.

I have great friends, people seem to like me - I was off sick at the start of the week and when I came back towards the end people were telling me they missed me, people are asking to change tables at the work Christmas dinner so they can sit with me... I seem to be winning a lot of prizes and things this year too. I'm very lucky with everything except the one area I really wish I was lucky in!

So I've decided I'm going to make one last effort. I'm going to carry on doing the OLD but I want to do something else. I was going to do a singles night at a museum near me but, sod's law, the very time I'm now going to do it - it looks like they've now decided to stop doing it. :rotfl:

So, I guess, the next thing to look at is some sort of agency or matchmaker. I know absolutely nothing about these so don't know where to begin really. What ones are good or bad? What should I look out for?

Is there anything else I can try (other than pubs or clubs - I did all of that when I was in my late teens and early twenties)?

The really frustrating thing for me is that people also seem to assume I am married because, as I've been told on more than one occasion now, it seems a bit unbelievable that I'm not! I'm guessing that's a compliment but not much use if I look like someone that would be married! :rotfl:

My friends don't really know any single women now - it seems the pool is drying up! One of my friends earlier this evening said his friends met on a forum... how do you do that? Do people just go into forums and post they're single and looking? Has anyone ever done that on here? I'm just trying to keep an open mind.

As for the sort of lady I'm looking for... I don't think I'm being unrealistic in wanting someone who I get on well with, could have a laugh with (I did post in here before about that but that thread seems to have gone!), is thoughtful, easy-going and kind... I don't think I'm a difficult person to get on with! :)
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Comments

  • I was wondering what happened to your other thread!

    Scattergun is a great way to do online dating - go on lots of dates and whittle down the unsuitable ones quickly :D

    Don't mention people wanting to swap seats to sit with you at Xmas dinner. It's cringey.
  • missbiggles1
    missbiggles1 Posts: 17,481 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Well, I'd stop using the word "lady" for a start.
  • DUTR
    DUTR Posts: 12,958 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Well, I'd stop using the word "lady" for a start.

    What do you suggest instead?
  • 74jax
    74jax Posts: 7,930 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Well, I'd stop using the word "lady" for a start.

    Confused?? Why?
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • cte1111
    cte1111 Posts: 7,390 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    74jax wrote: »
    Confused?? Why?

    'Lady' (or 'girls' when applied to anyone over 21) can be seen to have connotations of old fashioned chauvinism and sexist undertones.

    Personally I try to avoid it. You wouldn't call a male, a 'gentleman' so why call a woman 'lady'?
  • Lily-Rose_3
    Lily-Rose_3 Posts: 2,732 Forumite
    Well, I'd stop using the word "lady" for a start.
    cte1111 wrote: »
    'Lady' (or 'girls' when applied to anyone over 21) can be seen to have connotations of old fashioned chauvinism and sexist undertones.

    Personally I try to avoid it. You wouldn't call a male, a 'gentleman' so why call a woman 'lady'?

    Good Grief! Words fail me.

    So now calling someone a 'lady' is offensive and sexist and chauvinistic?

    Men are going to get to the point where they will just have their tongues removed, so they can never speak again. Just in case they offend someone, by saying something vile, like 'hello, are you having a nice day!' :(

    To the OP........I think you're trying too hard. Rein it in and chill out. :)
    Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!


    You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more! :D
  • boliston
    boliston Posts: 3,012 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Combo Breaker
    Agree with the comment about distance being a problem - for me they would have to be within easy walking distance (I'm not a car owner but I would not want to keep getting in the car just to go on a date)
  • cte1111
    cte1111 Posts: 7,390 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Lily-Rose wrote: »
    Good Grief! Words fail me.

    So now calling someone a 'lady' is offensive and sexist and chauvinistic?

    If you read what I said, then you will see that I said 'it can be considered' rather than it is, in response to other posters, who had not heard this preference before. Historically, one of the ways women (and other groups) were oppressed was by the use of language. You might roll your eyes and deny this, but it has been the case.

    Up to you which terms you use, some people might find the word 'chinkie' to refer to their local takeaway offensive, some might not, but for me I prefer not to risk offending people. Happily it's a free country so we can all use whichever words or phrases that we choose.

    For the OP: I'm in your age group (just about) and yes use of the word 'lady' in initial communications with you would put me off. I would associate it with other vaguely old fashioned, possibly mildly chauvinistic attitudes, particularly in someone under 50.

    If I was a picky online dater, I might guess (quite probably unfairly) that you were a bit right wing, voted for Brexit and would expect your potential wife to stay at home. This is the sort of mad assumptions that people do make in online dating, when you don't have other more useful clues as to people's identities and opinions. Or maybe this is you and that's fine, just not my personal cup of tea, so I would move on to the next potential date. I met my husband online BTW so it does work sometimes, just try to be open minded and give people a chance.
  • missbiggles1
    missbiggles1 Posts: 17,481 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    DUTR wrote: »
    What do you suggest instead?

    How about "women", just like you'd talk about "men"?
  • One of my friends earlier this evening said his friends met on a forum... how do you do that? Do people just go into forums and post they're single and looking? Has anyone ever done that on here? I'm just trying to keep an open mind.

    I have made friends through a forum before - in fact most of the friends I have that live near me I met that way, but it was a local internet forum and I met them at social events in the area organised on the forum. The other forum I met friends through was a forum for a band and we all met up to go to gigs together. Whilst I haven't been lucky and met my Mr Right that way I know others who have ended up dating people they've met through them - and I am happy enough having made good friends through them.

    Have you thought about trying meetup groups? There are all sorts for different interests, and if you meet there you at least know that you have an interest in common, plus it can be a bit less pressured than internet dating, albeit not everyone there will be single.

    I wouldn't waste money on an introductions agency, a former friend tried running one and found it very hard - couldn't get enough members to really match people as most people go internet dating and plenty expect to be able to do it for free.

    I even found a paid for internet dating site a waste - there weren't enough members - kept getting matched with people 50 miles away or worse - in London you really don't want to be more than 15 miles away and preferably less. I had much more luck with a free site albeit it was quite a lot of work to find the few decent seeming guys among all the sex pests who just wanted to sext you.
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