Changing dating strategy? Any ideas please?

Smartsaver7

Just read in the paper new dating idea.
Good Deed Dating you sign up and do charity work with other singletons, makes a change from grinning innately at each other over half a shandy

benjus

Smartsaver7 wrote: »

and go watch the Chipmonks wave their tackle

Stripper monks? What an awesome idea.

Ozzuk

It's a numbers game, and wanting women with no kids at your age will vastly limit your market (though I had your preference as well). So put simply, if this means a lot to you then you have to put the time in, make an effort and get a thick skin. I was lucky, got a lot of responses and most people I went on first dates with turned into relationships (but only 2-4 months so not that lucky, until I met the right one).

Also look for meet up groups, they often say they aren't for dating but get any group of (usually) single adults together and there is invariably flirting.

And finally, try and enjoy it. If you aren't, take a break, do something else with your life and come back to it when you feel like it.

Oh and if you want to call someone a lady, call them a lady. If they don't like it then they likely aren't right for you. Of course, that is only if you see it as something important, if its a throw away comment then don't.

indiepanda

Smartsaver7 wrote: »

Same here, have a large circle of friends , mostly career single or back single after divorce and don't need the drama , but would be nice to meet that special one.

I joined some MU groups but found the purely social drinking ones a bit of a meet market , the activity ones seem to be a lot better for people meeting potential partners with similar interests ( ie hiking/skiing running ). If you live outside main cities you also tend to find the same faces at most social/single events be them MU /Speed dating/Ceroc or on the online dating rogues gallery.

I was in Spice for quite a bit , I left due to being in a long distance relationship and also found running around Centre Parcs dressed as a chicken whilst families looked at us like we were sad cases not something I wanted to continue doing into my late 40's.

I've never been on the Centre Parcs trips... your comment makes me think this is a wise choice!

I've not made it to a meet up group as yet, but only had my eye on hiking or badminton ones. I've ended up dating too many guys who don't share my interests and I've ended up letting mine slip to spend more time with them, not that they have necessarily shown me the same consideration. Hence thinking better to find someone who shares my interests so I don't have to compromise quite so much.

But there are worse things than being single, and whilst I have plenty of single friends and live in London I am not in danger of spending my life sat home alone watching TV. Well, except when I actually want to - am not one for being out every single night and after a few busy weekends I need the odd day at home.

onomatopoeia99

indiepanda wrote: »

I've not made it to a meet up group as yet, but only had my eye on hiking or badminton ones. I've ended up dating too many guys who don't share my interests and I've ended up letting mine slip to spend more time with them, not that they have necessarily shown me the same consideration. Hence thinking better to find someone who shares my interests so I don't have to compromise quite so much.

Diverse interests is fine provided both parties give equal consideration to the others wish to pursue their own hobbies. If one doesn't give the other such consideration, then that's symptomatic of deeper problems anyway.

So, when I was with my ex, she had her horse, I had my racing car (cheap hobby compared to owning a horse :eek: ) and we did our own things, occasionally attending each other's events to spectate / support. It worked well for us both and when her son got older I used to take him to some events which strangely he preferred to mucking out stables :rotfl:

indiepanda

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Diverse interests is fine provided both parties give equal consideration to the others wish to pursue their own hobbies. If one doesn't give the other such consideration, then that's symptomatic of deeper problems anyway.

So, when I was with my ex, she had her horse, I had my racing car (cheap hobby compared to owning a horse :eek: ) and we did our own things, occasionally attending each other's events to spectate / support. It worked well for us both and when her son got older I used to take him to some events which strangely he preferred to mucking out stables :rotfl:

Exactly. My ex was a keen sportsman and played in a lot of amateur competitions. I would go and watch him play and meet his friends from his club. However, he was never interested in coming away hiking with my friends, though he would go for a potter in the countryside with me. He would tell me not to arrange my life around him - but if I didn't try to time my plans to work round his sporting commitments I basically wouldn't see him.

In the end I had to admit to myself that although we enjoyed the time we spent together, I was the one doing all the running and all the compromising. Breaking up with him while still loving him was one of the hardest things I have had to do, but in the end I had to develop a bit of self respect and conclude it was better to be single than wasting energy on someone who didn't really care about me in the same way. His independence was so important to him, way more than I was. And I say that as someone who is quite independent themselves.

We see each other from time to time as friends and curiously he is far nicer and considerate towards me as a friend than he was as a boyfriend.

ceecee1

I do understand the OP - I think that anyone calling me a lady is polite.

I also think that stating your preferences is the correct thing to do - in my case (because I am in my late 50s) I really do not want to meet someone who says that they are retired - I read into this as being out of work - as if I have to work until I am 67 then I don't want to be with someone who is in the house all day

On the odd occasions that I am looking at OLD then everyone who doesn't have a job is passed over. I have been called a money digging leech before now, the fact that I am self-sufficient seems to pass them by

Smartsaver7

indiepanda wrote: »

I've not made it to a meet up group as yet, but only had my eye on hiking or badminton ones. I've ended up dating too many guys who don't share my interests and I've ended up letting mine slip to spend more time with them, not that they have necessarily shown me the same consideration. Hence thinking better to find someone who shares my interests so I don't have to compromise quite so much..

As you get older , you know what you are looking for in relationships and are willing to compromise less. Unlike our parents I suppose this generation also have more disposable relationships as kids coming much later and nothing to keep people together.

Smartsaver7

ceecee1 wrote: »

I do understand the OP - I think that anyone calling me a lady is polite.

I also think that stating your preferences is the correct thing to do - in my case (because I am in my late 50s) I really do not want to meet someone who says that they are retired - I read into this as being out of work - as if I have to work until I am 67 then I don't want to be with someone who is in the house all day

On the odd occasions that I am looking at OLD then everyone who doesn't have a job is passed over. I have been called a money digging leech before now, the fact that I am self-sufficient seems to pass them by

That's me out of the running then

I agree nothing wrong with having preferences but one needs to realise you limit your choices , I have never dated anyone older than me ( other than by a year of so) or under 5'4 and I don't find cuddly women attractive. I wouldn't date someone who smoked , drank heavily was a racist or hasn't got a sense of humour either , as for profession I found those that are still climbing the greasy pole hard work as never around, each to their own.

Lily-Rose_3

Smartsaver7 wrote: »

As you get older , you know what you are looking for in relationships and are willing to compromise less. Unlike our parents I suppose this generation also have more disposable relationships as kids coming much later and there's nothing to keep people together.

Errrrm what about LOVE?

ceecee1 wrote: »

I do understand the OP - I think that anyone calling me a lady is polite.

I also think that stating your preferences is the correct thing to do - in my case (because I am in my late 50s) I really do not want to meet someone who says that they are retired - I read into this as being out of work - as if I have to work until I am 67 then I don't want to be with someone who is in the house all day

On the odd occasions that I am looking at OLD then everyone who doesn't have a job is passed over. I have been called a money digging leech before now, the fact that I am self-sufficient seems to pass them by

Yeah I must admit, if I was on the lookout (which, thank the Lord I am not,) I would not consider any man who didn't have a job, or who smoked. He would ideally have a car, and not be too chubby (max 2-3 stone overweight.) Also, preferably 4 or 5 inches taller than me, and preferably not balding or bald. I want someone with decent teeth too.

I can be a bit flexible with some things, but smokers are a no-no, and so would someone be who had no job and wasn't solvent.

clint_S wrote: »

I grew up in the South East, and now live in the North West, and have always used "Gents" when meeting a group of Men. It's seems to be very common in both the North West and the South East. I also use "Ladies" when meeting a group of Women though.

Yeah, as I said earlier in the thread, using the term lady is not unusual or considered rude by anyone. So I agree with you and ceecee1.