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Changing dating strategy? Any ideas please?
Comments
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Smartsaver7 wrote: »It was deleted probably due to the rude comments made towards me by a couple of the sisterhood which I politely reacted to :rotfl:
Yikes calling women with opinions 'the sisterhood', how could I possibly have read this person as a bigot with old fashioned views about women? He's clearly more enlightened than we gave him credit for :eek:.0 -
Why is it amusing that many people are reasonably consistent in their opinions? Or is it just that you find people amusing who have a different point of view to your own?
I think the only times I've heard the word 'gents' used is in a pub, e.g. "Drink up now ladies and gents" or maybe a host in a comedy club or bingo hall. I've never heard anyone use it in everyday life but maybe it is a regional phrase.
Maybe we just move in different circles. I don't frequent pubs much and I've never been in a bingo hall.
I don't really do regional either so you may need to revise your assumptions.0 -
Amber_Sunshine wrote: »Personally, I'd love someone with a daft sense of humour. Shame I'm about a decade too old and 1000 miles too far away
Smartsaver7 wrote: »I'm free :j
I smell an MSE romance budding.PeacefulWaters wrote: »I don't think I'm a good looking bloke but I'm a decent, personable man. I've met numerous women through online dating and have recently started a new relationship which seems to be going well.
Some thoughts from me, as a man seeking a woman.
1) if they approach you first you are in a really good place to get to a date.
2) messaging one person a night seems too low to me.
3) be prepared to have more than one first date lined up.
4) you won't usually need too many messages with one person to suggest a date.
5) a mix of confidence (not arrogance), light humour and occasional self-deprecation seems to work best once messages are reciprocated.
6) be the one to suggest venue once she's agreed to a date and given an available timeframe.
7) After that chill out on the date. Don't be thinking long term and kids. Be thinking "we got on well for two hours and I'd like to do that again".
8) Encourage her to message after the date by saying "message me".
9) Go for the kiss at the end of the evening. If she responds well you're in a great place.
10) When she messages respond with an "I really enjoyed spending time with you. When are you free to meet again?"
No guarantees but that's more or less where my "online dating pathway" has worked best.
Loads of ignored messages. 50% of dates where she's no further interest in me. 50% where I've no further interest in her. But around 1 in 4 where it's been worth having another look.
No offence intended, but all the above there makes me verrrrry glad that I am not in the dating game!
As for No. 8. Not sure if you demanding she messages you is the way to go. Why not just arrange a second date at the end of the first if it goes well?
As an aside, I still find it odd that someone finds people saying 'lady' or 'ladies; offensive or rude. Can't imagine why for one second. I would never find it offensive (I am heading towards mid 50s...) And my daughter in her early 20s said she is also baffled that anyone would find being called a lady offensive. She said no-one she knows would be offended by it.
Can't figure what is rude about it for the life of me..... :huh: *shrugs*Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!
You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more!0 -
Smartsaver7 wrote: »I agree except for No8 , I found when I was dating that the lady....oooops person of opposite sex expected me to contact her and do all the chasing....
Edit............Didn't mean I agreed you were not a looker lol
Not a massive sample, but I've found that where I've been first to message (or call) post-date it seems to be more likely to tell her "he's a bit too keen". In fact I found calling to be a disastrous strategy.
When I've adjusted my end of date patter to shift the onus on to my companion to instigate the next message I have found it easier to obtain the second date within my response.
No guarantees. Everybody's different. But I'm beginning to think the female is more responsive if you place the onus on her without making your intentions 100% clear.
Not quite "playing it cool" but certainly not commencing a chase. You're already halfway there.
No demanding going on. Just the gentle words "message me". It gives time for reflection.As for No. 8. Not sure if you demanding she messages you is the way to go. Why not just arrange a second date at the end of the first if it goes well?
Suggesting a second date at the end of the first is something I'd only do if I was 100% sure of the answer. It's a unnecessary pressure for both of us.
It's a list that's evolved over a mixed year of success and failure with online dating on various sites. I'm more "successful" than I was. No idea if I've found the right one yet. Hopefully I have.0 -
Highlighting some parts, as people have evidently missed them:
If I was a picky online dater, I might guess (quite probably unfairly) that you were a bit right wing, voted for Brexit and would expect your potential wife to stay at home. This is the sort of mad assumptions that people do make in online dating, when you don't have other more useful clues as to people's identities and opinions.
Can you now see that this was an exaggerated attempt to explain how use of one phrase or another can lead to a whole lot of possibly erroneous assumptions? Never mind, I give up too I think.0 -
Gloomendoom wrote: »Maybe we just move in different circles. I don't frequent pubs much and I've never been in a bingo hall.
I don't really do regional either so you may need to revise your assumptions.
When would you use the word 'gent' then? Genuine query. And what does "I don't really do regional" mean? I was wondering if the word 'gent' was used more in one part of the country than another, like in the North, people might use the word 'love' more than in the South for example.
Or am I just too uncouth (what with frequenting pubs and bingo halls) to bother to read my posts in their entirety rather than just the odd phrase that you choose to back up your assumptions about me?0 -
Yikes calling women with opinions 'the sisterhood', how could I possibly have read this person as a bigot with old fashioned views about women? He's clearly more enlightened than we gave him credit for :eek:.
Lol.... blimey you really need to chill out and stop taking everything so seriously on here
As for calling a woman a lady it's the highest honour in the land except for Queen , most I know would love to be called Lady0 -
Are you the OP? It is confusing as you seem to be answering for him but you have a different user name.Smartsaver7 wrote: »Lol.... blimey you really need to chill out and stop taking everything so seriously on here
Do you genuinely see my response that you just quoted as "taking everything so seriously" or are you just looking for a quick insult because you haven't got any actual points to make?0 -
I smell an MSE romance budding.
:eek::eek:No offence intended, but all the above there makes me verrrrry glad that I am not in the dating game!
It's funny but now I am also out of it , life is a lot less stressful , no need to try and act all goofy when I meet women and no longer chasing my tail , showing no interest seems to make them more curious:)Can't figure what is rude about it for the life of me..... :huh: *shrugs*
Nothing just the same old people getting their knickers in a twist over nonsense.0 -
Are you the OP? It is confusing as you seem to be answering for him but you have a different user name.
Do you genuinely see my response that you just quoted as "taking everything so seriously" or are you just looking for a quick insult because you haven't got any actual points to make?
Lol , I refer you to the remark at 11.56 and feel free to give me a quick insult :beer: oops sorry are you talking to me or the OP0
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