Changing dating strategy? Any ideas please?

Smartsaver7

That's a rather faulty logic - so, by that line of reasoning, everyone on here must be a bad catch in some way? Also, the last person that said it to me was married and it just happened to come up in a conversation so I would hope that they didn't want to date me anyway!

I would rather they be honest and tell me why then in their opinion I am struggling to find a relationship , yes I would imagine if you are spending you life on here and are perpetually single having tried every avenue you may not be a great catch and I include myself in that , maybe it's YOU and not your dates that are the problem , hence my suggestion of a councilor.:rotfl:

I've no idea why my post was deleted - it was literally there one day and gone the next...

It was deleted probably due to the rude comments made towards me by a couple of the sisterhood which I politely reacted to :rotfl:

Thanks for the assumption that I'm an overgrown child, complete stranger who has never met me! But seriously, I think you've stretched the 'silly' thing a bit too far. What I meant was someone who doesn't take life and everything so seriously. I don't think that's childish personally, it's not like I was running around wearing little shorts with a balloon in one hand and an ice cream in the other!

Women who are looking for a guy to settle down with in the main want as I have said someone serious who they can rely on, believe me I made the same mistake as you , women want to date the knight in shining armour , not the court jester. You may just be acting towards women like you did when in your 20's
And I hope you don't take this the wrong way but posting on a public forum you cant find a woman isn't a MALE trait attractive to women, not something a MAN does , women avoid guys who wear their hearts on their sleeve.

Lily-Rose_3

I'm getting a bit confused. Does anyone else keep getting Knight Rider and Smartsaver mixed up. Or is it just me? :huh:

Whose posts and thread was deleted the other day? Knight Rider or Smartsaver? :huh:

Someone asks Knight Rider a question, and then Smartsaver answers it.

I'm confused.

Gloomendoom

cte1111 wrote: »

'Lady' (or 'girls' when applied to anyone over 21) can be seen to have connotations of old fashioned chauvinism and sexist undertones.

Personally I try to avoid it. You wouldn't call a male, a 'gentleman' so why call a woman 'lady'?

I do call men gents so why should I avoid calling women ladies?

BTW I checked who had thanked your post and was amused to see exactly who I expected to see.

Amber_Sunshine

Personally, I'd love someone with a daft sense of humour. Shame I'm about a decade too old and 1000 miles too far away

indiepanda wrote: »

The OPs other post (since deleted) suggested he had a rather childish sense of humour - or at least that's the impression he gave - maybe it was the word silly he used - but that says childish to me.

I wonder if this is the real reason he hasn't met someone.

Smartsaver7

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I'm getting a bit confused. Does anyone else keep getting Knight Rider and Smartsaver mixed up. Or is it just me? :huh:

Whose posts and thread was deleted the other day? Knight Rider or Smartsaver? :huh:

Someone asks Knight Rider a question, and then Smartsaver answers it.

I'm confused.

Easily done, the whole thread was deleted , quite simple really I and others are replying to points people are making . The highlighted area is the original posters comment and the un -highlighted my reply
helps if you like me have some wine

cte1111

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Not the OP, but I was taught it was polite to use "lady" rather than "woman" growing up (I'm 47, not 87 btw) and it is a difficult habit to break. I certainly didn't vote for Brexit, wouldn't consider dating someone that said they wanted to be a stay at home wife because equality is a huge deal for me (so you might correctly infer that the label of chauvanist would be inappropriate), and left / right politics don't really work as I'm more interested in where someone sits on the libertarian vs authoritarian scale.

Assumptions are a really bad idea .

I was hoping that it was clear from my post that I agree that assumptions can be miles away from the mark. However when you are online dating, it is almost impossible to avoid making them. You don't have any other information, like body language, to read, so are in danger of reading too much into every posting.

I was trying to explain a bit more about why some of us weren't that keen on a particular word, but evidently the irony intended in my post was missed online (which kind of proves my point in a circuitous way).

When "we were growing up" was quite a long time ago now, so maybe take on board that many independent minding women would prefer to be referred to as women rather than ladies? Up to you though, just my own opinion.

PeacefulWaters

I don't think I'm a good looking bloke but I'm a decent, personable man. I've met numerous women through online dating and have recently started a new relationship which seems to be going well.

Some thoughts from me, as a man seeking a woman.

1) if they approach you first you are in a really good place to get to a date.
2) messaging one person a night seems too low to me.
3) be prepared to have more than one first date lined up.
4) you won't usually need too many messages with one person to suggest a date.
5) a mix of confidence (not arrogance), light humour and occasional self-deprecation seems to work best once messages are reciprocated.
6) be the one to suggest venue once she's agreed to a date and given an available timeframe.
7) After that chill out on the date. Don't be thinking long term and kids. Be thinking "we got on well for two hours and I'd like to do that again".
8) Encourage her to message after the date by saying "message me".
9) Go for the kiss at the end of the evening. If she responds well you're in a great place.
10) When she messages respond with an "I really enjoyed spending time with you. When are you free to meet again?"

No guarantees but that's moreorless where my "online dating pathway" has worked best.

Loads of ignored messages. 50% of dates where she's no further interest in me. 50% where I've no further interest in her. But around 1 in 4 where it's been worth having another look.

Smartsaver7

Amber_Sunshine wrote: »

Personally, I'd love someone with a daft sense of humour. Shame I'm about a decade too old and 1000 miles too far away

I'm free :j

Smartsaver7

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

I don't think I'm a good looking bloke but I'm a decent, personable man. I've met numerous women through online dating and have recently started a new relationship which seems to be going well.

Some thoughts from me, as a man seeking a woman.

1) if they approach you first you are in a really good place to get to a date.
2) messaging one person a night seems too low to me.
3) be prepared to have more than one first date lined up.
4) you won't usually need too many messages with one person to suggest a date.
5) a mix of confidence (not arrogance), light humour and occasional self-deprecation seems to work best once messages are reciprocated.
6) be the one to suggest venue once she's agreed to a date and given an available timeframe.
7) After that chill out on the date. Don't be thinking long term and kids. Be thinking "we got on well for two hours and I'd like to do that again".
8) Encourage her to message after the date by saying "message me".
9) Go for the kiss at the end of the evening. If she responds well you're in a great place.
10) When she messages respond with an "I really enjoyed spending time with you. When are you free to meet again?"

No guarantees but that's moreorless where my "online dating pathway" has worked best.

Loads of ignored messages. 50% of dates where she's no further interest in me. 50% where I've no further interest in her. But around 1 in 4 where it's been worth having another look.

I agree except for No8 , I found when I was dating that the lady....oooops person of opposite sex expected me to contact her and do all the chasing....
Edit............Didn't mean I agreed you were not a looker lol

cte1111

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I do call men gents so why should I avoid calling women ladies?

BTW I checked who had thanked your post and was amused to see exactly who I expected to see.

Why is it amusing that many people are reasonably consistent in their opinions? Or is it just that you find people amusing who have a different point of view to your own?

I think the only times I've heard the word 'gents' used is in a pub, e.g. "Drink up now ladies and gents" or maybe a host in a comedy club or bingo hall. I've never heard anyone use it in everyday life but maybe it is a regional phrase. I think most of us would be surprised to hear a 30something describe their ideal partner as a "gent who does not already have children" for example.

It is a shame that the OP is not able to take on board anyone's comments. If you keep doing the same actions, then expect to keep getting the same results.

NB there's nothing wrong with preferring partners to be childless, but most people have a relationship history by the time they get to their late thirties. For women that want children, then this will frequently mean that they already have a child. If you rule them all out, then you are shrinking the pool of potential partners quite rapidly. You are effectively looking for that one in a hundred - a woman who wants children and is able to maintain successful relationship but who has not done so up to now.

You also want them to be comfortable with some attitudes towards women, that a subset of us have already explained we are not comfortable with. You seem to think that is laughable, fine up to you but remember that other women on those websites will be reading your posts in exactly the same way as me and some of the other people who have tried to give you advice on here. You are now reducing it to maybe 1 in 200. Good luck but don't expect it to be easy.