Changing dating strategy? Any ideas please?

Smartsaver7

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Errrrm what about LOVE?

I meant when love has gone out of the window, in my parents day people stayed together because of kids

Yeah I must admit, if I was on the lookout (which, thank the Lord I am not,) I would not consider any man who didn't have a job, or who smoked. He would ideally have a car, and not be too chubby (max 2-3 stone overweight.) Also, preferably 4 or 5 inches taller than me, and preferably not balding or bald. I want someone with decent teeth too.

That's me out again then , I'm 5'02 18 stone , bald with ginger sideburns , disqualified for 5 years and an unemployed chain smoker
Oh I do have decent teeth in a glass by the bed........so picky

Angry_Bear

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

I don't think I'm a good looking bloke but I'm a decent, personable man. I've met numerous women through online dating and have recently started a new relationship which seems to be going well.

Some thoughts from me, as a man seeking a woman.

1) if they approach you first you are in a really good place to get to a date.
2) messaging one person a night seems too low to me.
3) be prepared to have more than one first date lined up.
4) you won't usually need too many messages with one person to suggest a date.
5) a mix of confidence (not arrogance), light humour and occasional self-deprecation seems to work best once messages are reciprocated.
6) be the one to suggest venue once she's agreed to a date and given an available timeframe.
7) After that chill out on the date. Don't be thinking long term and kids. Be thinking "we got on well for two hours and I'd like to do that again".
8) Encourage her to message after the date by saying "message me".
9) Go for the kiss at the end of the evening. If she responds well you're in a great place.
10) When she messages respond with an "I really enjoyed spending time with you. When are you free to meet again?"

No guarantees but that's moreorless where my "online dating pathway" has worked best.

Loads of ignored messages. 50% of dates where she's no further interest in me. 50% where I've no further interest in her. But around 1 in 4 where it's been worth having another look.

Haha, this would mostly work on me (assuming we got on well too!)

Lily-Rose wrote: »

As for No. 8. Not sure if you demanding she messages you is the way to go. Why not just arrange a second date at the end of the first if it goes well?

Whereas I'd hate this - I'd feel under real pressure to say yes on the spot and that would probably make me panic and say "no". Whereas either sending a message when I got home, or receiving one when I got home would be much more in my comfort zone and I could take time to think and reply ("Home safe, thanks for a nice evening, would like to meet up again" from either party seems to be very effective).

As for the "lady" thing - it wouldn't necessarily put me off, but I would wonder if the use of the word "lady" indicated that a man was looking for someone polite and maybe slightly old-fashioned or reserved.

Gloomendoom

What's wrong with wanting somebody polite?

I must admit that I do prefer a ladylike lady but I suspect that old fashioned and reserved mean different things to different people.

missbiggles1

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Diverse interests is fine provided both parties give equal consideration to the others wish to pursue their own hobbies. If one doesn't give the other such consideration, then that's symptomatic of deeper problems anyway.

So, when I was with my ex, she had her horse, I had my racing car (cheap hobby compared to owning a horse :eek: ) and we did our own things, occasionally attending each other's events to spectate / support. It worked well for us both and when her son got older I used to take him to some events which strangely he preferred to mucking out stables :rotfl:

Really?:rotfl:

Lily-Rose_3

Smartsaver7 wrote: »

I meant when love has gone out of the window, in my parents day people stayed together because of kids

That's me out again then , I'm 5'02 18 stone , bald with ginger sideburns , disqualified for 5 years and an unemployed chain smoker
Oh I do have decent teeth in a glass by the bed........so picky

:rotfl::rotfl::T

boliston

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Errrrm what about LOVE?

Yeah I must admit, if I was on the lookout (which, thank the Lord I am not,) I would not consider any man who didn't have a job, or who smoked. He would ideally have a car, and not be too chubby (max 2-3 stone overweight.) .......

Surely someone who has a car has a much higher chance of being overweight than someone who primarily walks and cycles?

Lily-Rose_3

boliston wrote: »

Surely someone who has a car has a much higher chance of being overweight than someone who primarily walks and cycles?

Interesting point, but it doesn't necessarily mean if someone has a car, that they will be obese. Many people drive, but still do sports, go to the gym, go running, go for walks, go cycling as a hobby, go swimming, eat healthily etc.

I was merely posting my preferences as smartsaver7 was.

Smartsaver7

I suppose if only one party drives and lives a way apart does make it awkward, also once relationship established then can't take turns in driving if you live in sticks and both like a drink now and again.
I have two cars to go with both my chins

indiepanda

Smartsaver7 wrote: »

As you get older , you know what you are looking for in relationships and are willing to compromise less. Unlike our parents I suppose this generation also have more disposable relationships as kids coming much later and nothing to keep people together.

I think women are definitely becoming less willing to compromise - we have more options. My grandparents, and to a certain extent even my parents generation, weren't taught to aspire to independence, it was marriage and babies, and being a single parent was frowned upon so most stuck it out even if they had ended up with the wrong guy.

Having gone to university and got a job that means I don't need a man financially, plus not wanting children, I've never felt the same pressure to settle down. It would be nice to have someone to love (who loved me back!), but the most important things to me are to have great friends, a job I enjoy, my health and somewhere nice to live. Love would be the icing on the cake.

boliston

indiepanda wrote: »

... Love would be the icing on the cake.

I think this hits the nail on the head - far too many people think of a relationship as the "cake" rather than the "icing"