Changing dating strategy? Any ideas please?

indiepanda

Gloomendoom wrote: »

A lot of people don't get that either. You are hosting a party so that other people can celebrate your marriage with you.

Unfortunately, it only dawned on me after I upset a load of people by running off and, in effect, eloping.

I really don't understand this. Some of my friends, for various reasons, have had very small weddings and it's never occurred to me to be upset by the fact they haven't invited me to celebrate their marriage with them. The only thing that matters to me is if they have found someone who treats them well and makes them happy. Beyond that it's none of my business.

indiepanda

smudger1964 wrote: »

I definately second this one..too many ladies seem to want to chat on the dating site forever and a day..Theres only so much "hi how has your day been" I can put up with and I give up..sooo boring..Just get out from behind the pc and meet for a drink its the only way you are going to know

Men play this game too. I start to wonder if they are in relationships already and just online flirting when they are bored. I don't like guys who suggest meeting up within minutes of first messaging (especially when they are overly pushy about it and demand my phone number), but if it hasn't been suggested after the first few messages have been traded and they sound alright, I would usually suggest it myself.

smudger1964

indiepanda wrote: »

Men play this game too. I start to wonder if they are in relationships already and just online flirting when they are bored. I don't like guys who suggest meeting up within minutes of first messaging (especially when they are overly pushy about it and demand my phone number), but if it hasn't been suggested after the first few messages have been traded and they sound alright, I would usually suggest it myself.

Again good advice too soon and it smacks of desperation a few messages and a bit of banter..A phone call is good soonish you can tell a lot from a voice in my experience..but its refreshing a girl asking for a number or a date why not too we arent living in the victorian age

Smartsaver7

Malthusian wrote: »

Echo what other people have said about arranging dates. After you've swapped a couple of messages, the next message should ask whether they want to meet (obviously not to the point of derailing a perfectly good conversation). Either you're interested enough in each other to meet in real life or not. If they just want to chat online then either you're on a paid-for dating site and you're talking to a plant, or they just like to waste time.
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As an ex seasoned online dater I did find that quite a few women I chatted to in the beginning ,often for weeks had no intent on meeting up but just wanted a shoulder to cry on or a cyber pal, others wanted to know the ins and out of my life without revealing much about themselves, I don't like disclosing my whole life story to a total stranger. Towards the end I applied the one week rule , if we had been chatting for a week on a regular basis and they didn't want to meet I moved on.

but its refreshing a girl asking for a number or a date why not too we arent living in the victorian age

Again most women still expect the guys to make the first contact , hence I didn't get many first contacts from women on these sites, most I did get were from women (if that's what they were) with a obviously fake picture and broken English

jamiehelsinki

I've been on pof a few months now.

When it comes to searches I think it's important to have an open mind.

My observations are that most of the women look more attractive in the pictures than the flesh. Lots of posed pictures , cheating filters, old pics,lighting etc, pictures from the neck up and none of the body. ( hiding something? )

I take the descriptions with a pinch of salt, I prefur shorter women than myself but I have found most add a few inches on their height anyway. Typical example I'm 5'9" met a girl who said she was 5'7", even in heels she was a few inches shorter than me. She was more like 5'5".

Girls who have described themselves as average build have sometimes been quite big while others who say they have a few extra pounds have had really nice figures.

Make sure the first date is a cheap one as very rarely you hit it off in person, maybe 1 in 4 is a possible 2nd date.

I have met a few really nice girls off there though which gives me hope of meeting someone.

Smartsaver7

Jamiehelsinki wrote: »

I've been on pof a few months now.

When it comes to searches I think it's important to have an open mind.

Lol from your post it seems looks are your main criteria , for me someone who had a good personality including a GSOH , and heart was as important , but as I have said I wouldn't date anyone over cuddly or very short as I'm quite tall. the trick is usually to scroll through all their pictures, many often will stick an up to date one half way in , so it was usually :D:D:D:eek::D

POF is a waste of time , you get a lot of time wasters as they don't have to part with any money I had more genuine dates with Datingdirect

Men do the same usually lie about height and marital status . I often think paid dating sites should insist on a full length picture with a date stamp or the person holding up a recent newspaper

What I found funny was when women started off saying they were looking for an honest guy , but half way into their profile admitted they were not 45 but 53 and an error:rotfl:

Make sure the first date is a cheap one as very rarely you hit it off in person, maybe 1 in 4 is a possible 2nd date.

I will take your advice and book a table at McD's next time I meet a date for lunch

I have met a few really nice girls off there though which gives me hope of meeting someone.

Have you asked or had any feedback as why they were not interested if you were ??

indiepanda

Smartsaver7 wrote: »

As an ex seasoned online dater I did find that quite a few women I chatted to in the beginning ,often for weeks had no intent on meeting up but just wanted a shoulder to cry on or a cyber pal, others wanted to know the ins and out of my life without revealing much about themselves, I don't like disclosing my whole life story to a total stranger. Towards the end I applied the one week rule , if we had been chatting for a week on a regular basis and they didn't want to meet I moved on.

Again most women still expect the guys to make the first contact , hence I didn't get many first contacts from women on these sites, most I did get were from women (if that's what they were) with a obviously fake picture and broken English

You mention women wanting a cyber pal to cry on... I found a lot of men wanting cyber sex, neither is ideal...

Or men who were clearly just messaging 100s of women with the same unimaginative message... like "Hi, are you a model?" - given I am in my forties, 5'4" and could do with shifting a couple of stone I didn't fall for that one!

I only messaged guys whose profiles I had read properly and could see we had enough in common I could go for a drink with them and have a hope of a decent conversation.

Might be true in general that most women expect men to make the first move but is far from universally true. I signed up for internet dating because I am a bit shy chatting someone up in person but fine chatting on line. Whole point was to take control and not just sit back passively and wait for guys to contact me.

I think what we can both agree with internet dating is you have to have a thick skin and be willing to hunt through a lot of duds to find the few gems on there. And I believe there are some gems, it just takes some serious work to find them. I can't be bothered with that level of work at the moment, but I wouldn't rule out giving it another try in the future.

Gloomendoom

What did people do before the internet?

Genuine question.

Smartsaver7

Gloomendoom wrote: »

What did people do before the internet?

Genuine question.

Well people have put lonely hearts adverts in newspapers from years gone by , I suppose you pitched up to the village dance or chatted someone up at a local bar , there was less choice so you were less picky and just got on with it or remained single . I met my first ex at a party, friends also hosted those dreaded dinner parties where they invited a single friend to meet you

Smartsaver7

indiepanda wrote: »

Might be true in general that most women expect men to make the first move but is far from universally true. I signed up for internet dating because I am a bit shy chatting someone up in person but fine chatting on line. Whole point was to take control and not just sit back passively and wait for guys to contact me.

Believe me you are in a minority , I once looked at the inbox of a female pal and she had 40 odd messages with Hi / Hello she told me she had no need to contact anyone she just waded through the list each day , she did say if the message had the title Hello <her name> she was more likely to read it.