Changing dating strategy? Any ideas please?

prosaver

: I seen one profile pic and the girl said her pics were recent, but i said they cant be as someone was smoking in the picture and it was at a bar, so i said it must be 3 years old..(smoking ban).. she didnt like that and got in a huff..
And the funny thing was that she banned me from contacting her,,.lol ha ha,
What a hussy:D

indiepanda

KnightRider wrote: »

My experience seems to be different from what I've read on here and other places (for a guy) - I seem to get a lot of messages from women who only say "hello" or "I like your profile". I used to make an effort to get them chatting but now I just tend to say "hello" back or "thanks". I've even had that from those whose profiles say "if you message me you better say more than just hi"! I don't get 40 messages a week - I think the most I've ever had in one week is 12 (from different people) which was last year. I do know women get a lot of rubbish sent to them on these things - inappropriate pictures and creepy messages... no wonder they get fed up and don't reply!

When I first started on OKC I used to get a lot of invites to join threesomes for some reason (not my thing at all!) I don't seem to get those anymore so guess I'm no longer appealing to that crowd! :rotfl:

Oh dear, I didn't get any threesome invites. I did get a guy message me who sounded smart, looked nice enough, capable of writing well and enjoyed hiking... so far so good. Then I realised reading his profile he was in an polyamorous relationship and looking for another girl to date, with the knowledge of his existing girlfriend. I declined.

I didn't get that many bad pictures and OKC are pretty good at taking down any people stick on their profile. Plenty of cyber sex style messages which got very dull. Honestly, even seeing photos doesn't tell you if there is going to be any chemistry, and where is the anticipation if someone has asked you all your sexual likes and dislikes before meeting. Really all you need to know if if their tastes are very erm...unusual as it might be a deal breaker on either side if you don't share.

I started to wonder why I bothered writing a profile after a while when so many guys completely ignored it. I had said I was looking for someone in London within about 5 years or so either way of my age. A guy messaged me saying would I be willing to relax my criteria a little - so I am thinking he means he lives in Kent, or perhaps is 7 years older. Nope twenty years older and lives in Pakistan. I mean seriously - that's not just "relaxing" is it? You'd think it shouldn't be that hard to find a decent guy in a city the size of London.

Poor_Single_lady

This thread has made me feel like "its not just me". Internet dating is so strange and unnatural but in the last couple of years has become the total norm. Collegues, friends and family now find it strange that single people are Not internet dating. I think its taken a full swing.

I never went on a date yet but I feel quite inspired to try. The last person i spoke to who seriously put me off seemed very normal and nice, swapped numbers, arranged date But then he texted me a bit too much, made me feel like he was lonely, rather than interested in a date and I felt weird about the whole thing. Then, im not sure why men do this, but he texted to say he had a cold and what did i recommend to fix. That just put me right off and I felt I had to cancel.

Sorry to be down on men but I think they forget its supposed to be exciting. My account is dormant for the moment but my pictures are 6 months old. I did laugh about the photos showing smoking. Maybe ill give it another go. My friends reccomend Eharmony so maybe that's next.

Smartsaver7

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

Sorry to be down on men but I think they forget its supposed to be exciting. My account is dormant for the moment but my pictures are 6 months old. I did laugh about the photos showing smoking. Maybe ill give it another go. My friends reccomend Eharmony so maybe that's next.

I tried that one on a cheap trial , you can't search profiles you can only view the results you get .
It took about 2hrs to fill in and answer the questions , it was a lot of work for very little return as if like me you live in the sticks the chances of any people who matched ( the radius) with even the basic criteria pretty low , if you live in say Manchester fine . I also doubted anyone actually went through all the questions to see what matched they probably just like most sites judged on the pictures. I think before my trial ran out I had about two dates.

My advice if you can afford it try a dating agency that does social events/holidays as well as
one2one dating you get the best of both worlds.

Smartsaver7

indiepanda wrote: »

A guy messaged me saying would I be willing to relax my criteria a little - so I am thinking he means he lives in Kent, or perhaps is 7 years older. Nope twenty years older and lives in Pakistan. I mean seriously - that's not just "relaxing" is it? You'd think it shouldn't be that hard to find a decent guy in a city the size of London.

Believe me I had the United Nations of women message me from places in Easten Europe I have never even heard of , I think the Ukraine was also short of guys back then

Sandhy

Have you tried your local radio station? Strange as it may sound. The local radio here (The Breeze, Hampshire) has dating under it's features section

http://www.thebreeze.com/northhants/dating/

Gloomendoom

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

This thread has made me feel like "its not just me".

This thread has made me feel extremely lucky. Both long term relationships that I have been in have involved somebody I met at work and involved very little effort.

If it hadn't happened that way, judging by the experiences of some on here, I think I would given up long ago or, more likely, been put off at the first hurdle. I don't like cringeworthy situations and still groan out loud when I recall awkward dating faux pas from my teens.

Smartsaver7

I have never been that lucky to have met anyone at work or by pure chance I know people who have gone to the rescue of a broken down motorist and found love or met their partner on a random plane journey. I have never been in the right place at the right time. I suppose some people are just lucky in love.

People are also I would imagine now more wary of trying to instigate a work romance for fear of an allegation of harrassment , you only have to use the wrong phrase against someone and they make a complaint , certainly if you are the boss of the person you are interested in it could be a minefield.

I am sure these days, especially in the public sector there are whole sections in staff manuals about office relationships:(

Smartsaver7

Sandhy wrote: »

Have you tried your local radio station? Strange as it may sound. The local radio here (The Breeze, Hampshire) has dating under it's features section

http://www.thebreeze.com/northhants/dating/

I did mention this on another thread , most of these dating sites are generic and run by one company , you end up getting added to numerous search results , I signed up for a time to Classic FM and when I got chatting to people found that they were contacting me through different media ( newspaper/radio/magazine) sites, once signed up you have no control over what sites you appear on;). Suppose it maybe a good thing as you get seen by a wider audience

KnightRider

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

This thread has made me feel like "its not just me". Internet dating is so strange and unnatural but in the last couple of years has become the total norm. Collegues, friends and family now find it strange that single people are Not internet dating. I think its taken a full swing.

Yes, I've noticed that too. Unfortunately it seems to be the default for people to say "why don't you try online dating" - particularly those already married or in a relationship and not having experienced OLD. I get the impression some believe that it's "so simple" and is just a case of specifying what you want and an ideal partner is delivered to your door next day, Amazon Prime style!


Gone are the days of "I have a friend who might be interested in meeting", which is a shame as, in my experience, friends are better at gauging whether someone could be a good match or not than the 'algorithms' apparently used by OLD.

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

I never went on a date yet but I feel quite inspired to try. The last person i spoke to who seriously put me off seemed very normal and nice, swapped numbers, arranged date But then he texted me a bit too much, made me feel like he was lonely, rather than interested in a date and I felt weird about the whole thing. Then, im not sure why men do this, but he texted to say he had a cold and what did i recommend to fix. That just put me right off and I felt I had to cancel.

Can't say I've ever contacted someone I've met online for medical advice! It's the same for me though - majority of people I've met have been ok but there have been some strange ones... the oddest one recently was someone who insisted on me getting into her car at the end of the evening and driving me to somewhere miles away from the railway station I needed to get to go home. I said "no thanks" and pointed out it would be a huge trek back to the station and she started to get really angry and I started to get really uncomfortable so just said I was going back to the station now and left. When I got home I had a really angry message waiting for me saying how I obviously didn't care about her... it was the first time we'd met! I just politely said that I felt she wasn't for me and I wouldn't like to meet again, sent it and then blocked her (just in case). Very strange and no idea what the idea was about driving me miles away from where I needed to be - and why it was so important that I did that!

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

Sorry to be down on men but I think they forget its supposed to be exciting. My account is dormant for the moment but my pictures are 6 months old. I did laugh about the photos showing smoking. Maybe ill give it another go. My friends reccomend Eharmony so maybe that's next.

I personally think 6 months is ok for photos - I think it's a problem when the pics are years old and the appearance has changed a bit. There's a point when it is dishonest and I think really old pics can be that.


I think it being 'exciting' is a two way thing though - some people are a lot more interesting in person than they come across as in messages. Sometimes it's the other way around! I do get the impression some people can't be bothered though. Especially when responses are just "yes" or "no" with no attempt to turn it into a conversation! Those ones tend to end pretty quickly for me. There has to be some kind of interest on their part, after all.


Good luck with your search!