Parents vs Grandparents - Christmas cancelled?

gettingtheresometime

I have to admit I thought your comment about turning a blind eye to treats and presents was odd..I thought that's what grandparents were supposed to do ?

yes you were in the wrong re the hummus but right re the toy.

But I guess if you're not at least going to apologise for effectively throwing your parents out then yes I guess Christmas will be different for you this year and I'd seek out good kennels as well.

barbarawright

Why was it so important that your child ate hummus? Is she not allowed to have likes and dislikes?

Silvertabby

You think you have a problem - but just consider the alternative.

Mr S and I don't have to worry about which set of parents we should spend Christmas with - because they've all passed on.

We would dearly love the 'dilemma' of deciding who to spend Christmas or New Year with, but it can't be. Please, just count your blessings.

chesky

It was your house so why did you have tomatoes on your plate if you don't like them?

PenguinOfDeath

Lbuk wrote: »

I moved out when I was 19 and haven't asked for anything except the odd dog sitting where my dad gets my ideallic house to himself.
.

Assuming you mean 'idyllic'...your poor father, being kicked out of his child's amazing home like that...

Why would Christmas be cancelled, surely Santa still has the directions to such a wonderful place?

Newly_retired

To some extent I feel that in your house the grandparents should have accepted your rules. I do with in my daughter's house, but when the grandchildren are in my house, I do spoil them a little bit.
However the way you handled the situation would really have got my back up, if I were in their shoes. To say Bye then, and then be surprised when they got up and left, well I don't know what you were expecting and why you felt the need to be so provocative. Is there some history behind this?

duchy

You sound ridiculous but yes if you can't behave civilly to visitors maybe your parents won't want to spend any more time in your home.

Basically you used "bye then" as a threat (probably not for the first time ) and they called your bluff. If it's something you've done to them before you might want to think about if they may have discussed it in advance what they'd do if you pulled this nonsense on them again.

Still on the bright side kids learn by watching their parents so you can look forward to your own kids slinging you out when you visit them in their homes in the future.

KxMx

I'm going to be kinder and guess maybe today was the straw that broke the camel's back?

And there is perhaps a long history here?

I had a huge bust up with my Father over something I admit may seem minor to others. But similar & worse had been going on for years and years, making me more and more unhappy, until I reached my "enough is enough" moment.

In the scale of treatment from my Father it was minor compared to other incidents, but that was when I snapped!

POPPYOSCAR

chesky wrote: »

It was your house so why did you have tomatoes on your plate if you don't like them?

mmm................

the whole thing makes no sense.

ognum

Lbuk wrote: »

Hi,

I've had an argument with my dad that didn't actually seem like an argument to me until he stormed out of the house dragging my mum with him for the 90 min trip home.

I moved out when I was 19 and haven't asked for anything except the odd dog sitting where my dad gets my ideallic house to himself.

I'm now 30 and have three children under 3 and am happily married.

We don't see them often but they push all the boundaries because I'm very consistent and try my best to turn a blind eye to the presents and treats.

Today, however, I felt they went too far.

My husband spotted a toy they bought next to a baby and said for the benefit of my toddler that it shouldn't be on the floor due to choking. My mum quipped that it would come out in their poo.

Then, I do not like fresh tomatoes. I always try to eat them but they are vile and today I had a couple left on my lunch plate. I informed my toddler she needed to eat some more hummus before she could have some of the cake they'd brought. My mum made an exaggerated observation that I had not eaten my tomatoes to my toddler.

I plainly pointed that I do not like myself or my husband being undermined in front of our children which I think my mum seemed to be wounded over, but she does enjoy the role of the victim and I didn't pay much attention.

Then it was time for the cake. My dad cut it into four equal pieces and then gave my toddler half of one of those. I don't really know what possessed him but he suddenly went to give her the second half when she finished the first to which I said no, a toddler does not need an adult sized piece.

He went ahead anyway and put it on her plate so I removed it in spite of her protests.

If I've heard it once I've heard it a million times... "Well it never did you any harm!"

I didn't feel heated, I felt quietly resolute.

I said that perhaps I wish I hadn't had so much cake to which he replied that I was a skinny child so I rephrased and suggested that I wished I wasn't in the habit of eating cake (I'm fat now).

Other things were implied tit for tat along the same vein but nothing remarkable.

He commented that he hadnt come to be spoken to like that although I wasn't speaking to him with anything more than an authoritative tone but i didn't appreciate him trying to corner me so I said "bye then".

It went quiet for a few moments and I thought it was an agreement to disagree but the next thing I knew he said he wasn't going to be spoke to like that and he marched out taking my mum with him who couldn't get home without him.

I feel like there is nothing more to be said so is that it? Christmas cancelled and no more visits to see the grandkids?

My children are good. Everyone comments how pleasant and well behaved they are and my toddler is so bright, she's remarkable. I'm a really good mother and I feel that for me to broach a truce would be to undermine myself and I'm not prepared to do that.

I'm not actually particularly upset except for my children but it's seems like such a big thing to cut ties to your family that I'd like any insight, thanks.

I am going to be kind and just suggest you read and reflect on what you have written.

You really don't come out well from it. Serious arguments do not need to be heated and loud.

What was your husbands opinion of what happened? If I was your parent I probably wouldn't choose to return to your house. I guess it's up to you whether you want to repair this relationship.