Parents vs Grandparents - Christmas cancelled?

Lbuk

Hi,

I've had an argument with my dad that didn't actually seem like an argument to me until he stormed out of the house dragging my mum with him for the 90 min trip home.

I moved out when I was 19 and haven't asked for anything except the odd dog sitting where my dad gets my ideallic house to himself.

I'm now 30 and have three children under 3 and am happily married.

We don't see them often but they push all the boundaries because I'm very consistent and try my best to turn a blind eye to the presents and treats.

Today, however, I felt they went too far.

My husband spotted a toy they bought next to a baby and said for the benefit of my toddler that it shouldn't be on the floor due to choking. My mum quipped that it would come out in their poo.

Then, I do not like fresh tomatoes. I always try to eat them but they are vile and today I had a couple left on my lunch plate. I informed my toddler she needed to eat some more hummus before she could have some of the cake they'd brought. My mum made an exaggerated observation that I had not eaten my tomatoes to my toddler.

I plainly pointed that I do not like myself or my husband being undermined in front of our children which I think my mum seemed to be wounded over, but she does enjoy the role of the victim and I didn't pay much attention.

Then it was time for the cake. My dad cut it into four equal pieces and then gave my toddler half of one of those. I don't really know what possessed him but he suddenly went to give her the second half when she finished the first to which I said no, a toddler does not need an adult sized piece.

He went ahead anyway and put it on her plate so I removed it in spite of her protests.

If I've heard it once I've heard it a million times... "Well it never did you any harm!"

I didn't feel heated, I felt quietly resolute.

I said that perhaps I wish I hadn't had so much cake to which he replied that I was a skinny child so I rephrased and suggested that I wished I wasn't in the habit of eating cake (I'm fat now).

Other things were implied tit for tat along the same vein but nothing remarkable.

He commented that he hadnt come to be spoken to like that although I wasn't speaking to him with anything more than an authoritative tone but i didn't appreciate him trying to corner me so I said "bye then".

It went quiet for a few moments and I thought it was an agreement to disagree but the next thing I knew he said he wasn't going to be spoke to like that and he marched out taking my mum with him who couldn't get home without him.

I feel like there is nothing more to be said so is that it? Christmas cancelled and no more visits to see the grandkids?

My children are good. Everyone comments how pleasant and well behaved they are and my toddler is so bright, she's remarkable. I'm a really good mother and I feel that for me to broach a truce would be to undermine myself and I'm not prepared to do that.

I'm not actually particularly upset except for my children but it's seems like such a big thing to cut ties to your family that I'd like any insight, thanks.

balletshoes

Honestly? I think you need to get over yourself, I can't believe any of this is for real.

k3lvc

My insight

1) you're a hypocrite re the food (hummus/tomatoes)
2) for the limited amount of time they see their together it's grandparents prerogative to spoil grandkids
3) Christmas is cancelled is a bit extreme - you need a reality check on what's important/not important

I speak as a parent who has brilliant memories of spending time with grandparents and much as I sometimes disagree I try and let my kids have the same opportunities to make memories

k3lvc

balletshoes wrote: »

Honestly? I think you need to get over yourself, I can't believe any of this is for real.

I tried to be a bit more subtle but you're spot on :rotfl:

Andypandyboy

Storm in a teacup. I think that given your parents are not there every day you could be a little less "authoritative" with them. What harm is the occasional double helping of cake going to do? As for your "hypocrisy" with the tomatoes I suspect most parents might have pointed it out secure in the fact that their offspring would take it on the chin and not throw a hissy fit.

There are other pointers to your sense of superiority; "my idyllic house, very consistent re treats, my remarkable child, bye then, not repared to undermine myself, etc, etc.

Not meaning to offend, but you come across as a bit of a brat....

If you feel it is enough to cut all ties do it, if not swallow your pride and apologise and next time you see them for a short period allow them to indulge their grandchildren secure in the knowedge that it won't make an iota of difference to your day to day regime.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I suggest you look up local kennels when planning your next holiday.

And December 25th comes around every year, whoever is there or not.

Jamiesmum

Cake toys and treats are what grandparents do.

Why was there only 4 pieces of cake for 6 people? Did the adults not want the cake?

Bit of extra cake won't do the kid any harm, to be fair! It's not often they see their grandparents anyway so it's not like they will grow up used to it if you have different set portions the other 98% of the time.

I think this goes way deeper than today.

They ain't around forever + you'll miss them when they are gone. Is it worth it, truly worth it?

prosaver

sometimes youve got to bite your tongue, anyway they did travel real far to see you, do you go and travel to see them?

My husband spotted a toy they bought next to a baby and said for the benefit of my toddler that it shouldn't be on the floor due to choking. My mum quipped that it would come out in their poo.

but the thing your mum said about the choking thing was really bad, i would of said something too her. but you windged about the cake ??

Smartsaver7

Some of us would have loved to have kids , some of us would love to have parents and grandparents still alive . You don't realise how lucky you are if all you have to worry about is your parents giving your kids extra cake and leaving a toy on the floor.

One day when your parents are gone you will realise your loss , mmm from reading your post, maybe you won't.

As for mollycoddling kids , no wonder so many get ill , no chance to build up their immune system when young.

Kim_kim

When you finished the argument with "bye then" you threw them out of your house.
What on earth did you expect them to do after that?
I suggest you apologise for that.

lika_86

If someone in a disagreement said 'bye then' to me I'd be taking it as an invitation to leave - how is it an agreement to disagree?

Apologising for being rude and not handling things well will not undermine your role as a 'really good mother'.