Parents vs Grandparents - Christmas cancelled?

maman

I think the grandparents have had a lucky escape. If this was what it's like going to the idyllic house for a Sunday lunch, imagine how awful it would be at Christmas??

cyantist

I'm surprised how many people think it's ok for grandparents to overrule the wishes of parents, simply because apparently it's their job to spoil grandchildren.

The OP sounds over the top with how she handled things, but I imagine the cake was a treat for the child anyway, and giving a 3 year old 1/4 of a cake is excessive.

My mum seems to think it's her job to spoil her grandchildren, to the point that my niece is now obese as my mum undoes all my sisters good work and not only feeds her ridiculous amounts of sweets and chocolates, but tries to convince her she doesn't like certain vegetables and water because "nanny thinks they're horrible".

There is no way my mum is doing that to my child and if it means I'm rude because I will tell her so, then I'll happily be rude if my child remains healthier because of it.

maman

cyantist wrote: »

I'm surprised how many people think it's ok for grandparents to overrule the wishes of parents, simply because apparently it's their job to spoil grandchildren.

The OP sounds over the top with how she handled things, but I imagine the cake was a treat for the child anyway, and giving a 3 year old 1/4 of a cake is excessive.

My mum seems to think it's her job to spoil her grandchildren, to the point that my niece is now obese as my mum undoes all my sisters good work and not only feeds her ridiculous amounts of sweets and chocolates, but tries to convince her she doesn't like certain vegetables and water because "nanny thinks they're horrible".

There is no way my mum is doing that to my child and if it means I'm rude because I will tell her so, then I'll happily be rude if my child remains healthier because of it.

I think you're right in general terms but there are differences.


To make your niece obese your mother must have far more control over her diet than the occasional visit.


OP's parents only visit occasionally.


I agree a quarter of a cake was excessive even as a treat but there's no need to be rude to disagree. OP's 'Bye then' was IMO extremely rude and immature.

melanzana

I bet the cake was just 4 inches square.

The Hummus was organic,

The tomatoes grown by Dad,

And the idyllic house funded by a silent and compliant husband.

This is both one of the funniest and saddest threads I've read in a while.

OP really should go to Mumsnet. They would take her seriously lol.

lincroft1710

Christmas cancelled


Are you Margo Leadbetter from "the Good Life"?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWIN59b8Vhk

piglet25

When your dad dog sat for you he was doing you a favour so to say that he enjoyed your idyllic home is very patronizing, maybe he would have preferred to be at home himself. And if I ever spoke to my parents in such a condescending manner I would fully expect a right royal rollocking! You are so far in the wrong on this one.

TBagpuss

OP, I think that perhaps both you and your parents owe each other apologies.

You can't control how they behave, but you can consider, and perhaps discuss with your husband, how you act and the extent to which you are willing to relax your normal parenting rules.

It's very common for grandparents to give gifts and treats to their grandchildren - and most children understand from an early age that just because Grandma gives them x or lets them eat y, doesn't mean they get to do that all the time.

However, it is not appropriate for your parents to undermine you in front of your children.

I would suggest that either you, or, if you think it would go better, your husband, has a chat with your parents to ask that in future, they check with you before giving the children treats and explain that you don't allow the children sweets/dessert until they have finished their main course (or whatever your normal house rules are)

I don't find the tomatoes/hummus thing hypocritical. While it is odd that you had tomatoes in the first place if you don't eat them, but as I read it, the child likes hummus, they were simply distracted by cake.
However, it might have been more effective to have said nothing at the time but to speak to your father afterwards (or even to arrange, in future, that all the members of the party finish their main course before dessert is served,which both avoids the risk of a child getting distracted and instills good manners)

I think your saying 'bye then' would be interpreted by most people as telling your parents to leave, so I think that the fact they did so rather than seeking to argue with you was a reasonable reaction on their part.

SO far as christmas and other get-togethers are concerned, I'd suggest that you and your husband discuss what you are both OK with, and then speak to your parents. I'd suggest that it is reasonable to relax your rules a little when you have (or are) guests - allowing some treats won't be the end of the world, and if your parents feel that they are allowed to spoil their grandchildren a bit they may be much more open to not doing so all of the time.

If, however, they are completely unwilling to respect your boundaries in your own home or to accept that these are your children not theirs then you may wish to limit when and where you spend time with them, perhaps meeting them away from your home. But on your description they don't sounds as thought you are necessarily at that point, more that they are a bit pushy and that you are a bit rigid.

z1a

I just pity your husband.

z1a

P.S. And your kids.

melanzana

OP has not returned.

Probably sorting out the hummus and throwing out the tomatoes.

Children are probably sitting there with mouths open waiting for a treat from Gran and Grandad..

Anyway, it is a silly OP, designed to get people's backs up.