Parents vs Grandparents - Christmas cancelled?

Andrew_Ryan_89

Wow, reading some of the comments here, I am shocked that most are siding with the grandparents!

Does not matter if they want to spoil the children or not, if as a parent you say something, they have to respect it. Reminds me of my mum throwing her weight around at my wedding like it was hers.

Grandparents sound like they are very stubborn and spiteful. Pushed the OP over the edge.

POPPYOSCAR

I really cannot believe how many posters are taken in by this thread.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I do feel a bit sorry for them all.

The parents sound like feeders/people who express love through giving sweets and cakes, and the OP is paying for that in later life with weight issues. Then they dismiss her concerns about healthy food and portion sizes.

I have seen this happen with a friend. She has struggled with her weight because the one food group her father sees as essential everyday is cake. As a result of being given cake/biscuits/sweets every day, she never developed a taste for healthy food and finds it extremely difficult to make herself eat it, but does so that her children see cake and sweets as an occasional treat, not something to eat in favour of their dinner.

However, her parents look after her children for 45 minutes after school each day - and in those 45 minutes, they are given cream cakes, doughnuts, chocolates and fizzy drinks. By the time she gets in, they are too full to eat a proper meal or expect another sweet thing.

Despite her best efforts (and she doesn't want to deprive the children of an otherwise loving relationship with grandparents who adore them), the youngest in particular, who spends longer in the car waiting for his sister to finish school with the daily bags of doughnuts, then is given another when she gets in the car, can be accurately - if harshly - described as The Fat Kid.

Her father responds to any request to give them fruit rather than cake with rage and she gives in because that upsets her Mum.



It's sometimes hard to appreciate the level of damage that 'it's just a little treat' can do, and I'm thinking that the OP is desperate to be seen as good and her children special because of the issues caused with her self image as a result of learning as a child that cake is good and vegetables/tomatoes are bad. Especially when those concerns for her children (nobody wants their child to be The Fat Kid or the teenager who chucks up to not be the Fat Kid or the Anorexic One) are dismissed at the same time as her own feelings about herself. 'You were a skinny child' can easily imply to somebody 'I just fed you cake every day, it's your fault you kept on doing it after you put on weight'.


Hence why I suggest finding kennels for holidays and that Christmas will still go on whomsoever attends. No dogsitting means no 'we've done you a favour, that means we can ignore your wishes and feelings about how the children are fed'.


I'd suggest any future visits are initially to somewhere else, perhaps things like restaurants where OP can order the food, picnics, Nursery Nativity Plays, etc, or somewhere else where food isn't involved - and any gifts of sweets can be 'thank you, they'll love that after their dinner tonight'.

Philip624

Baby plum tomatos dipped in hummus is quite nice.

melanzana

Bottom line is the relationship between OP and the GPs.

We don't know about that.

The Husband is the silent person here too.

I hope he is ok.

POPPYOSCAR

Philip624 wrote: »

Baby plum tomatos dipped in hummus is quite nice.

I was a bit disappointed with my crop this year.

Person_one

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It's sometimes hard to appreciate the level of damage that 'it's just a little treat' can do, and I'm thinking that the OP is desperate to be seen as good and her children special because of the issues caused with her self image as a result of learning as a child that cake is good and vegetables/tomatoes are bad. Especially when those concerns for her children (nobody wants their child to be The Fat Kid or the teenager who chucks up to not be the Fat Kid or the Anorexic One) are dismissed at the same time as her own feelings about herself. 'You were a skinny child' can easily imply to somebody 'I just fed you cake every day, it's your fault you kept on doing it after you put on weight'.

Do you not think you might be projecting a tiny bit here?

No parents are perfect, but most aren't abusive either.

Robisere

Haven't read all posts here, but - am I the only grandparent to have a go at this? I am a granddad of 4 that I have loved since they were born and each held in my arms on their first day. If my lovely, caring daughter or my smashing, loyal son treated me like that, especially if in front of the children, I would be heartbroken.

Both my wife and I have always set out not to spoil them or go against mum's wishes, but there were (and still are) very occasional times when it happens. As dd and ds are bringing up theirs as they were brought up by us, they understand that. This weekend is the 18th birthday party for our No. 3 grandbrat and he wants a family "do" with the rest of the family in a local restaurant, so we must be doing something right! All important birthdays are recognised by all of us like that.

If this is a genuine post and a sincere request for advice young lady, I suggest you take a look at your own childhood and how your parents treated you during your journey to adulthood and motherhood. Please, for the sake of your parents and their future relationship with the grandchildren they obviously love: apologise. Get off that high horse and say you're sorry. Anything else will hurt your children, your parents and, in the end, yourself. Your mum and dad must be so hurt by this - I know I would be.

If this Post is not genuine and sincere, you are someone with a warped imagination. In that eventuality, you need to get a life.

EDIT: by the way, I also hate fresh tomatoes. The rest of the family love them. But I love whole tomato soup, ketchup and spagbol.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Person_one wrote: »

Do you not think you might be projecting a tiny bit here?

No parents are perfect, but most aren't abusive either.

Nope. I ate everything under the sun because I know what it feels like to be genuinely hungry, so I still have a tendency towards 'if I don't eat that now I don't know when I won't get a chance to eat again'. Which is somewhat different to difficulties experienced where one person expresses love through giving junk and doesn't appreciate the problems that can cause in the future, in my opinion.



Could you be projecting your positive memories of amazing grandparents and parents onto your reply?

System

All this fuss over a piece of cake. Was it really worth it?