Is a 16 year age gap such a bad thing?

hazyjo

Haven't read all the replies - but wanted to add I don't really believe in age gaps. I've dated one bloke 20 years older, and a few around 10-15 years younger.

tbh, it never crossed my mind what my friends thought! Can't say I particularly cared.

One younger one cheated on me, but I'm not sure that was down to his age. More the fact he was an idiot lol.

Do whatever makes you happy.

Jx

SamboJambo

My husband if 19 years older than me, it makes no difference to us so who cares what other people think. I do get a lot of the 'but when you are in your 50's he'll be 70's stuff as if none of this occurred to us. If he makes you happy then go for it, you only live once!

Catapa

When my grandmother in 1925 got pregnant at the age of 25, my grandfather was only 17. They lived happily ever after. While he were was only 8 years younger (and not 16), times have moved on.

That you are both happy and comfortable is the only reqlly important issue that counts!

newcook

my friends parents have a 19 year age gap between them and have been together for over 30 years. its only been in the last couple of years that my friends mom said she really noticed the age gap as her husband retired and now potters about the house and likes relaxing of a weekend with a bit of tv and early night whereas she is still working (and enjoying work) and likes to unwind at the weekend with a few drinks with friends.

they both used to be really sociable and be in the pub together of a weekend but since he's retired he's in the pub less and less but she doesnt see why she should have to follow suit.
Luckily they talk very openly and if one is neglecting the other too much they know they can sit and discuss how to bring balance back to their relationship.

I think so long as there is give and take and communication in the relationship (like with any good relationship) I dont see why it shouldnt last.

dont worry about what gossips say about the age difference. at the end of the day its your happiness and future that you should worry about - would you rather be unhappy and have the gossips win?

July15moomin

If you are happy dating then it's not anyone elses business and surely after knowing each other awhile the conversation will get to where do we go from here? I met the father of my son's when I was 37 and he was 21 , had my youngest when I was 42 and the relationship lasted 13 yrs. Do what you feel is best for you not for anyone else.

Ronnietheroamer

After 25 years in an unhappy marriage, I divorced and quickly met a 31 year old handsome hairdresser. I was 45 with 2 daughters 21 & 18. We got on really well, right from the start, although, like you I was worried about the age gap. I also got the baby snatcher comments, but most were not to my face, we quickly moved in together ( he moved into my house) we married 6 months after meeting, which caused more gossip. The age gap has caused no real problems, we both like the same things & hubby goes to the music nights now & again, we have just celebrated 24 years and still going strong. So go with your feelings, if it doesn't work out, that's a shame, but if you don't, you will always regret it. Ignore everyone else it's your life, your future.
I too had a good job as a bank manager, financially secure, own home car, savings etc. He was not, but we've survived my brain haemorrhage, diabetes & I just turned 70 to his 55. & just moved to the coast to live the dream.

System

Ronnietheroamer wrote: »

After 25 years in an unhappy marriage, I divorced and quickly met a 31 year old handsome hairdresser. I was 45 with 2 daughters 21 & 18. We got on really well, right from the start, although, like you I was worried about the age gap. I also got the baby snatcher comments, but most were not to my face, we quickly moved in together ( he moved into my house) we married 6 months after meeting, which caused more gossip. The age gap has caused no real problems, we both like the same things & hubby goes to the music nights now & again, we have just celebrated 24 years and still going strong. So go with your feelings, if it doesn't work out, that's a shame, but if you don't, you will always regret it. Ignore everyone else it's your life, your future.
I too had a good job as a bank manager, financially secure, own home car, savings etc. He was not, but we've survived my brain haemorrhage, diabetes & I just turned 70 to his 55. & just moved to the coast to live the dream.

Wow, so pleased it worked out for you. :T

Fireflyaway

I don't think people would comment if he were the older one its somehow more ' acceptable'. If you are both happy and share the same long term goals then fine. Personally I would not date a younger man as I'd be worried he would cheat with a younger woman or would want kids one day that I can't give him but that's probably my own insecurity.

miss-tified

Q: Is a 16 year age gap such a bad thing?
A: No, unless you choose to see it that way.

When I was 44 I met a man 14 years younger than me. I'm now 57 and we've been together for 13 years and it's never been "a bad thing" On the contrary, it's been "a very fabulous thing". We fell for each other very quickly, we both felt it was right for us to be together, we discussed some important things very early on, fortunately neither of us wanted children, and we moved in with each other within 3 months of meeting. We have lived and worked together ever since.

Neither of us have really given much thought to whether our age difference is "a bad thing" Our relationship is right for us and it's never been any kind of problem. I don't know if anyone else has a problem with it, certainly none of our friends or family do.

It seems society accepts older men with younger women more than the other way around. So what? It's none of their business and why care about they think anyway?

So, if both of you think your relationship is a good thing then it probably is, and good luck to you. Celebrate and enjoy!

schiff

Han - there has been a lot of diversion away from the topic, I'm not sure if that has helped. I was very taken with your OP - it seemed as if you had both found your soul-mate and at the first time of asking! A 14 hour first date takes some beating! I had a nine hour lunch on the first date with someone who has become a very good friend and I thought that was long!

Which brings me to friendship. Usually unaffected by jealousy and the various other not very nice emotions, friendship is probably undervalued. Would you both be happy with a friendship? Being blunt I think you have to consider two things - you would like a child but it may not be possible (the body clock you refer to for instance). If your friend is very keen on having children, and only he can say, it will matter, if not in the next few years but certainly if it turns out you can't (I'm sorry it's so blunt but ...). And if you are fortunate to have a child, you will be in your 60s when they are still a teenager.

Age difference doesn't a matter at all if the two people are right, that's not a worry. So I think it all boils down to children. That needs to be discussed as deeply as it will go. You are each taking a plunge and you need to know exactly where you stand. Don't rush into things.