Is a 16 year age gap such a bad thing?

peachyprice

My concern would be that at 43, as you say, your clock is ticking, you don't have the luxury of time to wait too much longer before trying to start a family, so a) does he want children yet and b) would he be willing to accept the possibility that me may never have children if it doesn't happen?

DigForVictory

There is just not enough happiness in the world to go looking for a Mr.Right forever. Yet you sound to have found a sight better than Mr.He'll-Do, so put on your dancing shoes & enjoy life in the short term.

After three months or so, you should have a clearer idea as to whether or not you could ask the stickier questions like children, & how soon & what if you need help (& there's no immediate assumption he'll be firing on all cylinders whereas you won't, either), but keep that for the New Year - Enjoy the now!

And ignore the cradlesnatcher humourists. So *unimaginative*.

onomatopoeia99

ringo_24601 wrote: »

The 'rule of thumb' is X/2 + 7 to determine the youngest person you 'can date'.

Like many such internet "rules" this one should be ignored. What works for the two (or more) people involved is all that matters, arbitary rules or social conventions are meaningless.

Date who you want, OP. Age is just a number. Friends that can't be happy for you without having a dig are not friends.

FBaby

Have you discussed what you are both looking for? Ultimately, assuming you are looking for a committed relationship, it comes down to whether you are prepared to take a big risk.

If it goes well, you will have a wonderful lasting relationship with your soulmate, who will always adore you and think you wonderful, wrinkle and all, and not having children won't phase him at all. You'll able to prove everyone who were negative about it wrong, and even make them jealous at how your love overcame everything.

Or you could fall madly in love with him, build all your future and dreams around him, give him everything he wants, for him to tell you in 10 years time that he loves you deeply but that he now can't imagine a future without children (even if he felt differently 10 years earlier) and wants to move on to be given that chance or worse, dumps you when he decides that he actually have more in common with women closer in age and break your heart. In the meantime, you would have missed the chance to meet and fall in love with someone closer to your age for whom this would not be an issue.

Knowing me, if I were you, I would take the chance, but with the acceptance that I would need to live with the consequences if that choice came to bit me.

Tiddlywinks

ringo_24601 wrote: »

The 'rule of thumb' is X/2 + 7 to determine the youngest person you 'can date'. So for you, that's 28 or 29. You're not too far off though!

Load of old tosh.

To take that 'rule' at face value:

(60/2=30)+7=37... difference of 23 years

(70/2=35)+7=42... difference of 28 years

(80/2=40+7=47... difference of 33 years

The 'acceptable' gap for hooking up rises with age... why? Once a couple get together, they age at the same rate.

Gloomendoom

It might not be what the OP wants to hear but, yes, I think it is too much. I am speaking from personal experience having been the younger (male) party in a long term relationship with exactly that gap.

If you want a long term relationship, that is.

Pollycat

Han_L wrote: »

When I mentioned to my friends in the pub one night that I was starting to like a younger man. They did mock me by calling me a cradle snatcher. They are all settled down with families, wheras I'm the black sheep of the social circle. After that night, I did start doubting myself as to whether or not he is right for me because of the age gap

Your friends called you a 'cradle snatcher'?
Your friends mocked you?
Apart from that being a very old-fashioned term, I would seriously review if those people were really my friends.
'Black sheep'? Is that how you see yourself or how your 'friends' see you?
You are thinking of going on another date with this guy, not committing to spend the rest of your life with him.

PasturesNew

That's fine. You're both old enough. The trouble might come as he's still at the "lads having fun" age, rather than the "I must settle down and have kids" stage - and, even if he were thinking that he might think "with a younger woman".

Any problem will come if you want more and he doesn't. He's probably used to "easy in, easy out" too, so if he's changing his mind, or looking for a way out if you get heavy, then he's more likely to simply start letting you down, "hoping you'll get the hint" so that he doesn't actually have to have the adult conversation and split up properly/cleanly.

Of course there are some at his age looking for somebody just like you - it's just that there are fewer than would be desirable.

comeandgo

In our family there are large age differences between partners, my husband is a lot older than me, my sister in law is 12 years older than her husband, another sister in law is ten years old than her husband. Your friends will get used to it. There are not many people in the world you get a "zing" with. If you know his age I take it he knows yours? If you two are happy don't worry what others think.

[Deleted User]

People of the same age split up don't they ???

Go for it, you have to take happiness where and when you find it .