Is a 16 year age gap such a bad thing?

Han_L

Fbaby, we have discussed what we are both looking for in a partner. He knows I'm serious and I know, he too, is serious. Pollycat, although the cradle snatcher jokes are something I would rather they didn't say. I do believe they are joshing with me. If they said I was a cradle snatcher out of desperation. Then that would become an issue. The feeling like a black sheep is how I feel. It is difficult to engage with them about family related matters when I have no family of my own and at times, I do feel isolated from them.

What does worry me with his age would be females his own age. They are more aesthetically pleasing than I am. Although I think I look okay for my age, he isn't going to see me wearing mini skirts and 5 inch heels. He's a good guy, I do like him. There is something between us which is worth exploring. It's time do get myself off of the shelf and dust off those cobwebs. If it all goes pear shaped. I can live safe in the knowledge knowing it was my own decision to take this forward.

Gloomendoom

Han_L wrote: »

What does worry me with his age would be females his own age.

This, in a nutshell, is what killed my relationship.

Not the actual females, but her worrying about them the whole time. It was compounded by me, apparently, looking younger than my years and got worse as time went on.

FBaby

This, in a nutshell, is what killed my relationship.

I was going to say exactly the same. If you are entering this relationship with already some insecurities, then it is doomed already.

If you are going to go in it, thinking that he might suddenly decide that what he's got is no good enough and he could get much better, then why bother. Either he is attracted to you because of the person you are, and indeed, the maturity that comes into it, is a very attractive trait to him, or he just sees it as a fun experiment of which he'll get bored of, in which case, it won't last regardless of the fact you are older and not as 'aesthetically pleasing'.

The one sensible thing to do would be to take things very slowly so that you can take a step back easily if necessary. Be realistic and accept that however wonderful he is, the age could become an issue at some stage. Remember that promises are easy to tell but it is actions that speak for themselves.

catkins

I'd certainly go on some dates with him and see what happens. The main problem is likely to be that you want to settle down and have children but does he yet?

All my boyfriends except one were younger than me and the older one I found so boring we didn't go out for long. My OH is a couple of years younger than me.

16 years is a pretty big difference although I don't think it makes any difference whether it is the man or woman that is older. Often though problems due to age difference are more likely to occur when a couple are older

Pollycat

Kynthia wrote: »

However your first sentence is about wanting to find a life partner and start a family asap. My concern is that you find someone who is looking for that too, whatever their age is.

Lily-Rose wrote: »

If you do want to settle and have a family soon though, is he going to want to do the same?

The chances of getting pregnant naturally at 43 is quite slim, and you may struggle. Will he be OK if you can't get pregnant? Will you be OK if you don't?

I think these ^^^ are very important points.

At your age, it's probably a chat you and he should have pretty early on if you're going to start a relationship with this guy.

peachyprice

catkins wrote: »

I don't think it makes any difference whether it is the man or woman that is older.

I think it does, men can carry on fathering children until the day they die,women have a much shorter shelf life, with a 16 year age gap where the man is older makes children are still a possibility for many years, the other way round not so.

Obviously if the couple don't intend having children it doesn't matter, but OP has said she does want a child.

onlyroz

peachyprice wrote: »

I think it does, men can carry on fathering children until the day they die,women have a much shorter shelf life, with a 16 year age gap where the man is older makes children are still a possibility for many years, the other way round not so.

Obviously if the couple don't intend having children it doesn't matter, but OP has said she does want a child.

Many men (my husband included) don't want to be an "old dad" physically unable to run around with their kids and teens. This is why I had kids earlier than if we had been closer in ages.

But if the relationship gets serious then these discussions must be had and compromises might have to be made on both sides.

peter12345678910

I would focus less on age, more on how healthy you are, and the partner is, though this just my opinion.

Some would argue with this considering how high divorce rates are, and they would argue more about the health of the relationship. So I am aware that many would disagree with my opinion.

Even an older father (who is fit) would be able to pick up and give rides to a 15-20kg baby whereas the younger wife would struggle.

FBaby

Many men (my husband included) don't want to be an "old dad" physically unable to run around with their kids and teens. This is why I had kids earlier than if we had been closer in ages.

Sorry but it always makes me laugh when I read this. How many father 'run around' with their teenagers and feel deprived when they can't?

Also, why this assumption that everyone after 40 becomes unfit? OH and I are in our late 40s and fitter we've ever been and it's our teenagers who can't keep us with us! You can continue to improve your fitness on average up to the age of 55 if you look after yourself. In our case, it's much more the mental and psychological demands of a child that would put us off, certainly not the physical side of it.

UKTigerlily

peter12345678910 wrote: »

I would focus less on age, more on how healthy you are, and the partner is, though this just my opinion.

Some would argue with this considering how high divorce rates are, and they would argue more about the health of the relationship. So I am aware that many would disagree with my opinion.

Even an older father (who is fit) would be able to pick up and give rides to a 15-20kg baby whereas the younger wife would struggle.

Please tell me you honestly don't think women would struggle with 20kg? I lift over 100kg every week & even at the start could easily lift more than this, we aren't that pathetic!