Is a 16 year age gap such a bad thing?

Han_L

I reached that stage in my life which I feel most women will be able to relate to. The clock is ticking, time to find a partner to settle down with someone and start a family stage. My life has solely been relationship free due to quite a demanding career. There has been short relationships, albeit nothing too serious.

At the start of the year, I decided to join a credible online dating service. Not many people appealed to me, however. I did enjoy the social live forum feature and spent many hours talking to both men and women on there. Even made friends with someone nearby, who I have met several times and really enjoy going out with her.

A few months back, on the live forum. An argument ensued between me and a younger chap. He was not impressed with something I had said and after warnings from the moderator, we took the argument to private messaging. He did irritate the life out of me over our difference of opinions and I did block him, then unblocked him to prove I was right.

What started off as an argument, developed into something quite special. After the difference of opinions was resolved, we carried on chatting. We had some very deep, meaningful and enjoyable conversations. It was clear to both of us that there was a strong connection between us. His age concerned me. I'm 43 he is 27. Unlike most young people of that age, he is mature beyond his years.

When I mentioned to my friends in the pub one night that I was starting to like a younger man. They did mock me by calling me a cradle snatcher. They are all settled down with families, wheras I'm the black sheep of the social circle. After that night, I did start doubting myself as to whether or not he is right for me because of the age gap.

There was another man of similar age to me, who I was speaking to on the dating site and as I thought he would be more suitable for a relationship. I accepted his offer of a date. The date turned out to be the most boring evening of my life. With him, just talking about himself and how much her earns. At the end of the date, he became excessively touchy and tried to get me to go back to his for the night. I was gobsmacked that he thought I was going to shag him after that lousy date.

The next day, I was telling the younger guy about the date which led him to ask why I wouldn't go on a date with him? I didn't tell him about the age concerns and in a moment of madness, accepted his offer of a date. We were only meeting for a coffee and a chat but that first date was quite incredible. What was only going to be for an hour or so turned into a 14 hour date. After the coffee, we went ice skating, then out for a meal, then to a comedy club and finished off with a few late night drinks in a wine bar.

We've since date three more times and the connection that was there online is most definitely there in person. I do like him alot. The cradle snatcher puns have resurfaced after my friends found out and my sister has even questioned if I'm making a mistake. I don't see what the big issue is? He's 16 years younger than me. It's not a huge age gap and compared to anyone else I've been with. I feel with him, there is something special to be had.

What do other people think? Is this a mistake?

BJV

No. & it is no-one else's problem either. Life is too short and if you find happiness go for it. Gosh you are only dating.. If you where a man there would be slaps on the back, because you are a lady some people may take the mick but ??? I bet it is because they wish they had the bottle to do it. Wish I could find a hunky 27 year old !!! ha ha .,
Enjoy!
You are both adults so why not?

Person_one

You're both grown ups, do what you want.

The 'argument' on the forum going on for so long and blocking each other, wanting to prove you were right etc. doesn't sound fantastically mature, but that was you as much as him so maybe you are suited!

AylesburyDuck

Time will tell wether he's a keeper or not, and that works both ways.
As for the age gap, meh it's just a number, their was a 20 plus year age gap between my Aunt (Aunt being older) and Uncle and they were married many many happy years untill sadly we lost my Uncle to a heart attack.

[Deleted User]

The 'rule of thumb' is X/2 + 7 to determine the youngest person you 'can date'. So for you, that's 28 or 29. You're not too far off though!

Anyway.. your mates are probably just jealous. Twenty seven is old enough to be making big life decisions and acting in a mature manner.

Han_L

Thanks for your replies, and it did take some serious bottle BJV. Person-one the arguing was over something I said. Upon reflection, the way I had posted it was slightly controversial. When that started, I don't think either of us would have expected this to happen.

Han_L

Sorry to hear about your uncle AylesburyDuck. Ringo-24601 I like that rule of thumb. I might use that the next time the cradle snatcher joke comes up. One of my friends who has joked about the cradle snatching is nine years younger than her husband.

fairy_lights

Han_L wrote: »

His age concerned me. I'm 43 he is 27. Unlike most young people of that age, he is mature beyond his years.

What do you mean mature beyond his years?
If you're both happy it's no one else's business how old either of you are, but if this turns in to a long term thing, do you both have the same goals and plans in life, following the same timescale?

Kynthia

It is a big gap and I don't think that should be ignored. However you're both adults and if you want to date and get on well then why not?

However your first sentence is about wanting to find a life partner and start a family asap. My concern is that you find someone who is looking for that too, whatever their age is.

Lily-Rose_3

Ignore the haters who are mocking you. Some friends they are!

If you do want to settle and have a family soon though, is he going to want to do the same?

The chances of getting pregnant naturally at 43 is quite slim, and you may struggle. Will he be OK if you can't get pregnant? Will you be OK if you don't?

I think any age gap where one partner is old enough to be the other partner's parent is too much. But that is just my opinion.

If you make each other happy, just take it one day at a time.

Domayne

I don't think it's a big deal these days tbh, I'm a 32 year old female currently dating a 22 year old guy and the age gap doesn't bother me. Though we both have different goals in life. He wants kids and marriage eventually and I don't so I know it won't last forever, but it's fun for now