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Is a 16 year age gap such a bad thing?

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  • The main thing is really making sure that you both want the same thing. If you want to settle down make sure he knows that and don't let him string you along if he says he isn't sure about kids etc. The age gap doesn't really matter.
  • lika_86
    lika_86 Posts: 1,786 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    My boyfriend is 17 and a half years older than me and we've been together eight years so far and are very happy. However, I didn't (and don't) want kids and so we had a conversation early because of the age difference that if he did then he needed to find someone else. It's all very well having fun and enjoying for a while but if someone's clock is ticking then they need to focus on what they want. You need to speak to this boy and find out what he wants from life and consider if it meets your hoped for timescales (and of course seriously consider what you would do if you couldn't now have kids).

    It can work, don't listen to the doubters, but be realistic.
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,551 Forumite
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    The problem I had was that we never really discussed the future, we both just stuck our heads in the sand and hoped for the best.

    In retrospect, that was a very bad idea.
  • SuzieSue
    SuzieSue Posts: 4,109 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper I've been Money Tipped!
    It's difficult. I am 9 years younger than my husband and I think that that is really the maximum age difference I would want. I would prefer it if we were similar ages but of course life isn't perfect.

    There are some very mature 27 year old men and it looks like you've found one. It sounds like you desperately want children so you really need to try and find out if he wants children too and soon otherwise you are wasting precious time.

    If you weren't fussed about having children then I would say definitely go for it as life is too short to let someone you click with go, but the children issue makes life much more complicated.

    Oh, and I would find new friends. You need their support at a time like this not be made fun of.
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,551 Forumite
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    lika_86 wrote: »
    It can work, don't listen to the doubters, but be realistic.

    You are right, it can work.

    I may be in the unique position here in that I have been the younger party in a large age gap relationship and also (currently) the older party.

    It's a lot easier when the man is the older party. A whole lot easier.
  • itsanne
    itsanne Posts: 5,001 Forumite
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    You are right, it can work.

    I may be in the unique position here in that I have been the younger party in a large age gap relationship and also (currently) the older party.

    It's a lot easier when the man is the older party. A whole lot easier.

    That's an interesting observation. Might it be easier this time around simply because you are older, rather than because you are older than your partner?
    . . .I did not speak out

    Then they came for me
    And there was no one left
    To speak out for me..

    Martin Niemoller
  • onlyroz
    onlyroz Posts: 17,661 Forumite
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    17 years between me and hubby (he is older). There are some issues relating to the age gap, and I do wonder what it'll be like in another 20 years, but these things are not insurmountable.

    Anyway, why the rush to decide now if you're compatible or not? Just get to know each other at your own pace and have some fun.
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Xmas Saver!
    You've had three dates, see how it goes.
    Some people are obsessed with age , others think relationships are based on something a bit deeper than a number. Just enjoy it and see where it leads.
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding .....no problem
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,551 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    itsanne wrote: »
    That's an interesting observation. Might it be easier this time around simply because you are older, rather than because you are older than your partner?

    Possibly, although I have found that people don't generally bat an eyelid when the male is older. That certainly wasn't the case when it was the other way around.
  • UKTigerlily
    UKTigerlily Posts: 4,702 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    I say go for it, my dream guy is 14yrs younger than me & we can't ever be together but i'd have no problem with the age gap at all x
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