Is a 16 year age gap such a bad thing?

Gloomendoom

BBH123 wrote: »

The other thing in my mind is the practicality , I am 50 and if I were to be with someone of 34 we'd have different goals in life.

Ie I'm thinking of retiring and travelling , having adventures etc and he'd be stuck working full time unless he is independently wealthy so my retirement would be spent essentially alone .

No more alone than you would be if you were younger and working.

My wife is badgering me to retire early. I'm not sure that I am ready to retire yet (financially) but doesn't bother me in the slightest.

System

I'd be concerned about what other people would think and whether i could fulfil someone sexually as i dont look and feel the same as i did in 10 years ago.

What if he wanted children and i can no longer give him them?

What if someone younger and prettier came along?

Would he end up resenting me if i was ill and he felt duty bound to have to look after me? He would have wasted part of his life when he didnt have to.

Why would anyone consider an older partner when i wouldnt entertain the idea myself?

Thank goodness not everyone thinks like me.

Ivrytwr3

Jeez, why are you over thinking this? Why are you thinking long term? Kids, being faithful etc.............

He is asking you on a date, that's all. He knows your age (doesn't he? ) So he is obviously comfortable with what he is doing.

Forget the comments and go and have fun and yes, that could mean shagging him!!

UKTigerlily

Pollycat wrote: »

Well, I'm no spring chicken but I wouldn't like to lift the eqivalent weight of a full suitcase (20kg).

If you really can lift 100kg, that's almost a 16 stone person so I'd suggest that you are somewhat out of the ordinary as far as women go.

I think if you walk into any gym where women bother to try, you'll see it's actually not even the top of the female normal level, i'm around the middle of the females . . of course that's pick it up, put it down no more than around 10x but 20kg is hardly so heavy women can barely move it!

UKTigerlily

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I would say so too. I was impressed when my wife could lift 50kg in the gym.

Not to be funny, but the amount of males who think average women weigh 100Ibs etc & are amazed at small amounts of weight lifted are ridiculous. 50kg would be a lot for a bench press, and nothing for a deadlift, it's all relevant (& a lot technique). The point is, women aren't so frail we struggle at 20kg, that's an insult, every female I know who doesn't go to the gym can easily pick that up

Gloomendoom

UKTigerlily wrote: »

Not to be funny, but the amount of males who think average women weigh 100Ibs etc & are amazed at small amounts of weight lifted are ridiculous. 50kg would be a lot for a bench press, and nothing for a deadlift,

My wife weighs about 50kg. Deadlifting her own bodyweight impressed me. It still does.

If she could deadlift 100kg, I'd be checking for a 5 o'clock shadow.

Primrose

No right or wrong answers. Just a need for the two of you to have some very serious discussions about how you both might cope and be prepared to deal with some difficult situations 20 or even 40 years down the line if it reallynturns into "the real thing"

Do you both want children? If you do, how would he cope with the immediacy of your need if he's not really ready for fatherhood quite yet. Would he panic and run after you found you might be pregnant?

How will both of you cope with a possibky declinng sex desire on your part after the menopause if he's still in his sexual prime ? Would he be capable of still being faithful or would he be wanting to look elsewhere?

And looking even longer term, will he be happy to have to go on working and slogging away in a job for many years after you are retired?

And the hardest one of all, would he be prepared tp be your carer if your health declined badly while he was still fit, and would he be prepared to possibly become a widower at a much younger age than the rest of his contemporaries?

These are not the sort of questions one wants to consider when in the first flush of love or passion but the realities of life have a habit of catching up with us all sooner or later so better to confront those difficult questions now before your heart had a chance to become completely broken. If you're both happy you have the character and maturity to deal with them , make the most of what life is offering.

fierystormcloud

Judi wrote: »

I'd be concerned about what other people would think and whether i could fulfil someone sexually as i dont look and feel the same as i did in 10 years ago.

What if he wanted children and i can no longer give him them?

What if someone younger and prettier came along?

Would he end up resenting me if i was ill and he felt duty bound to have to look after me? He would have wasted part of his life when he didnt have to.

Why would anyone consider an older partner when i wouldnt entertain the idea myself?

Thank goodness not everyone thinks like me.

Awww Judi, that's quite sad. I am sure whoever you are with, he wouldn't mind looking after you.

What's more, you could get ill just as likely at 50 to 55, as you could at 70. I know some people become who became infirm and unable to look after themselves at the age of 52-55, and some people of 70 who can run a marathon.

I understand your fears and worries though, and I think many people would have them.

I think a 16 year age gap with the woman being the older one could be a bit too much if the man wants kids. Can't imagine the 2 people being incredibly different with a 16 year age gap though. I have friends 14-16 years younger than me (so early 20's,) and a few 14-16 years older (mid 50's,) and I get on well with both age groups.

Robisere wrote: »

It's all gone off-topic. The OP wants advice on whether a 16-year age gap is too much.

My answer is, just try it out. Get to know each other, which is after all the only way to find out if there is a future together, or just a lot of fun to be had together until one of you decides enough is enough.

There are no "rules" - that is just ridiculous, people are not bound by rules for relationships.

Have fun together, enjoy each other's company. Anything else is a bonus.

Well it can't hurt to give it a go, but she has to be sure he doesn't want kids..........

Gloomendoom wrote: »

My wife weighs about 50kg. Deadlifting her own bodyweight impressed me. It still does.

If she could deadlift 100kg, I'd be checking for a 5 o'clock shadow.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Amber_Sunshine

I imagine there aren't many 85-year-olds that still have a living parent! Perhaps it is a positive attitude that has kept them going.

FBaby wrote: »

Absolutely it is a personal choice, and it depends on personal factor. My dad is 73 and is much fitter than many 60 yo or even some 50yo. I had to laugh the other day when the father of my friend announced he had to go as he had to pick up his mum to take her to her friend. He is 85, his mum is 106! You would never believe either are the age they are.

fierystormcloud

Amber_Sunshine wrote: »

I imagine there aren't many 85-year-olds that still have a living parent! Perhaps it is a positive attitude that has kept them going.

Probably! I know it's rare, but I do know 3 such families, where there is someone around 80 with a parent over 100! They all have 5 generations! The oldest being over 100, then 77-80-odd, then 55-60-ish, then 35-40-ish, then child to teen. All women........

A few families have 6 generations too, and is rare, but it has happened...............