38 yrs old pregnant again, feeling down and skint..

miserly_mum

It might be harsh but it doesn't make it un true.

You have allowed this man to treat your daughters like dirt. You knew it was wrong right from the start yet you continued to stand back and do nothing, So that you could hang onto him and play happy families with him and his son.

Now seriously.......what have I said that you haven't actually said yourself in your posts?

Tashja

I don;t think Miserly_mum was harsh - just telling it like it is.

If the OP doesn't like the truth then perhaps she should try and change things but I have a feeling in another 18 months she will be back feeling sorry for herself but still with the same abusive man.

T xx

P.s - Flying Dutch Man - lol !!!

katiesmummy

i have only just read this post and i wanted to say my piece.

you HAVE to leave this man. when i split with my ex i ended up in a relationship with a man who used to shout at my dd. at the time i didnt like it but didnt do anything about it either. it ended up that dd refused to come home and now lives with her dad. our relationship is ruined forever because of it. i am no longer with the man but it was too little too late as far as my dd is concerned and she is younger than your girls. although i phone her all the time i rarely see her because she obviously still feels a lot of hurt and anger towards me because of it.

at the time, i really didnt think that him shouting at her was 'abuse', as my dad used to scream at me on a regular basis, but i now know that i was wrong.

my heart hurts every day because of this, and i will never forgive myself for not seeing things till it was too late.

i too have a son who is wonderful in every way, but i feel like a piece of my life is missing because i no longer have my dd at home. i would love to see her all the time, but 9 times out of 10 she refuses because i betrayed her trust.

i will never ever forgive myself for the whole situation and it will haunt me to the day i die.

do you want this to be you??? if not, i am telling you, get this man out of your life and out of your girl's lives NOW

bringmeshoes

I am someone who's childhood was ruined by my stepfather
the week before him & my mum got married (iwas almost 10) my mum overheard me and my sister (2years younger) talking about how much we hated him and that we didnt want them to get married...did this send alarm bells ringing? no she smacked us and shouted at us for taling that way.
he used to bully us both mentally & physically, he once lifted me off the floor by my throat because i went somewhere with my mum instead of staying at home to clean the house.
his kids (4 & 6 years older than me) could no no wrong and got everything they wanted while we hardly got anything at christmas and more often than not got nothing for birthdays
my life was ruined by this man i ran away for 3 months when i was 12 and took my first overdose at 15 (they were always in the pub so didnt even notice that i was throwing up and then unconscius for 36 hours)
did my mum ever stand up to this man? no she sat back and let him treat us like dirt, if people ever knew what was going on at our house there is no doubt we would have been taken into care. even when i was 20 and he threw me out ( i got home one day to find my stuff in bin bags on the street)..the crime? i refused to leave uni and get a job like he demended
now i am 30 and my mum has now divorced him and re-married to a lovely bloke but i don't have much to do with my mum and i have absolutley no respect for her and still feel resentful because in my eyes what she did was just as bad as what he did to me, my brother & sister...she sat back and let it happen, we weren't lucky enoough to have our dad to run too, mu mum & stepdad had made sure of that.
This may be a long post and it may not have reached this stage at your home but this is just the tip of the iceberg, sorry to be harsh but i think you are being incredibly selfish as you are putting your wants and needs in front of your daughters'. You need to get this man out of your lives sooner rather than later if you do not want to destroy any kind of relationship that you have with your children

anm_2

I have never personanlly been in a similar situation myself, but have a friend that has and have supported her throughout. I would like to say it is easier looking from the outside in and deciding what a person should do under these circumstances, but never so easy being on the inside and deciding whats right, always thinking that things will change.

Joolee my advice would be the same as what i gave my friend, get out of the relationship hunny for your own sanity and the sanity of your children, you will all cope, and will move on from this to have a better life and future. and as hard as it seems now you will look back and know you have made the right desicion