38 yrs old pregnant again, feeling down and skint..

System

Look, i aint being funny but its natural that he would love his own son over your girls. My husband felt the same about my two children that he took on from my first marriage but he was careful not to let it show. There was only one time i had to stick up for my eldest two when he was a bit sharp with them and as he sat in front of the gas fire in just his underpants, i calmly went into the kitchen and filled up a bucket from the cold water tap and threw it over him. It ruined my carpet and took months to dry out but it was worth it. That wasnt favouritism to his own children because i hadnt given him any kids at that point. he was young, foolish, selfish and to be honest i think he found it a bit of a struggle sometimes but it lay down the ground rules. My kids were here before he was. Now my children are grown up and able to leave home (except one), its a different story. My husband now is my number one priority not the kids who are 18 and over.

Love your not empowered by what people are telling you, you know that you should stand up to him but your not actually doing anything about it. if you was empowered, then you would.

The fact is, you gave him too much too soon and your still giving loads more than he is in the relationship.

Cornishpixie_2

Its not an easy decision to make, as Joolee has to live with the consequences, of being a single mother and since they both have a child together, he is always going to be around. (never far away by the sounds of it). It sounds like you need to feel stronger and well supported before being confident enough to leave him. As I have no doubt as you get lower he will try and drag you down further and walk all over you. Its a bit like telling someone with depression to pull themselves together. Do you think you could perhaps get away for a few days to have time to think clearly about your options, and practicle stuff? Even a night away at a friends may help. You may also have to see G.P. re medication, advise on how to keep yourself well and perhaps counselling for yourself. I've kind of been there it's a long hard struggle. Good luck Take care x

pinkshoes

When you have children, they MUST become your first priority, and their happiness is much more important than your own. You made that decision when you got pregnant.

In this case, no matter how much "good" you see in this man, and how much you think you love him when he's being "nice", your children's needs come ahead of your own, and if they don't like this man, then you need to leave him.

It is selfish to put your own needs ahead of your children.

Mips

Cornishpixie wrote: »

Its not an easy decision to make, as Joolee has to live with the consequences, of being a single mother and since they both have a child together, he is always going to be around. (never far away by the sounds of it). It sounds like you need to feel stronger and well supported before being confident enough to leave him. As I have no doubt as you get lower he will try and drag you down further and walk all over you. Its a bit like telling someone with depression to pull themselves together. Do you think you could perhaps get away for a few days to have time to think clearly about your options, and practicle stuff? Even a night away at a friends may help. You may also have to see G.P. re medication, advise on how to keep yourself well and perhaps counselling for yourself. I've kind of been there it's a long hard struggle. Good luck Take care x

Her loyalty lies with her Children.

As a Mother, if my husband starting picking on the kids... it would be him that went without even a chance to explain himself.

I didn't give birth to my children to lead miserable lives and suffer - I gave birth to them because I wanted them, I loved them and now they are here they are more precious to me than anything.

Men come and go. Your kids are for life.

mandy_moo_1

i've just read all this thread, and my heart really goes out to both you and your children, joolee

i know what mental abuse is like...i put up with it for 10 years, and the only reason i DID put up with it was because it took me 7 years to save £1000 so i could put a bond down on a rented house. at the time it felt like the hardest thing in the world to do, but now i know it was the RIGHT thing to do

once you have the strength to get away from this bully, which he is, you will feel so much better. i'm not saying it'll be easy, cos it won't, but after a few months you'll look back and wonder why you hadn't done it years ago, just like i did

you only get one stab at this life, sweetheart, so please, for the sake of your children, and for yours, make a fresh start without him ........you'll be such a stronger person for doing it xx

joolee_2

thanks mandy and pixie - i have always put my children first all of them - there is a lot of confrontation that i havent put on here - and yes its hard and no it cant be about me.
my tears today are for my girls - no they didnt ask to be born i tell myself that everyday.
I really will think twice though before i "talk" here again but i understand how pathetic i look after 3 yrs

miserly_mum

joolee wrote: »

thanks mandy and pixie - i have always put my children first all of them - there is a lot of confrontation that i havent put on here - and yes its hard and no it cant be about me.
my tears today are for my girls - no they didnt ask to be born i tell myself that everyday.
I really will think twice though before i "talk" here again but i understand how pathetic i look after 3 yrs

If you had always put your children first then they would still be with you and you wouldn't need to be on here looking for sympathy.

You have allowed your daughters to be treated like dirt for 3 years SO THAT YOU COULD HANG ONTO A MAN. Yes if i'm honest it does sound pathetic.

Your tears are for yourself not your girls. You are full of guilt because of how you've allowed your Man (and in my opinion he's not a man) to treat them while you stood by and let him.

Lets hope the Flying Dutchman doesn't end up leaving you for someone else or you'll be back on here again looking yet more sympathy no doubt.

Mind you it has all the classic ingredients of a good Jeremy Kyle show.

joolee_2

i hope you are never in this position miserly and trust me if it was sympathy i was looking for you'd be the last place id be looking - you dont know me at all - and my children are still with me

cake21

That's a little bit harsh miserly_mum...she's already admitted that she's been pathetic / made some dubious decisions...

I know it's frustrating when people keep "going back for more", but if joolee keeps posting then maybe she'll get to her own "lightbulb moment" eventually, which is infinitely better than never _party_

(just had my own "lightbulb moment" after several years of other people's :wall: so feeling optimistic )

joolee_2

thanks cake
especially the jeremy kyle bit whats all that about?
that programme is all about teenage pregnancy isnt it?
im sure after today some people will think twice before posting on here.....