38 yrs old pregnant again, feeling down and skint..

elaine373

I read you story with interest coz i had my last baby when i was 38, nearly 39. My first was born when i was 19,(7 children altogether) big difference in age, main problem is that at 38 i was alot more tired, but on the positive side, i had more patience and experience. I reckon you need to sit your partner down and tell him all your worries. you need to sort out this business with how he treats your daughters.They are an extension of you, and he has to treat them as such, Also, it woukldnt be fair or right if he ended up treating his own biological child different to them. Fear of being a single parent isnt a good enough reason to stay with him, it may be that he is scared too.hatever the case, sort it out now rather than later.I wish you all the best, Regards Elaine

Caz2_2

hi joolee
It seems to me that the first question you need to ask is do you want to continue with the pregnancy, if you do can you take care of 3 kids emotionally and financially as a single parent, if you can then you can decide on your own terms whether to stay with him or not. Being a step family is hard work and it always will be if he is this needy already. You sound so doubtful about him that i guess if you were not pregnant you would have kicked him out a while ago ( im presuming it is your house here). He sounds like he is trying very hard to gain some dominance in your household at the expense of your children, which can happen in step families, he may feel its is 3 against one at the moment and for some reason i feel that he is maybe younger than you, does he feel important and integrated maybe a question you could ask yourself. But in any case this is all a lot of hard work for you, you sound like you are always in the middle having to watch all his interactions with your kids. My advice is that this will probably get worse if you stay together with a new baby, but that is all it is my advice i am no expert who knows it could bring you all together, either way I am sure you will come to your own conclusions soon
caroline

joolee_2

hi everyone thanks for listening again today - it makes me feel stronger just to know people are there!
in answer to caz if im honest everytime we have argued or he has said somethin i feel is out of turn then i find myself wishing i wasnt pregnant and hoping not to be...not an easy thing to think never mind admit but i think since talking on here i do feel its not acase of if i dont have him i cant cope with a baby bacause i think i still can with or without him. we do need to talk though i wonder if it will make any differnce but will try

Caz2_2

Hi joolee

have you thought about contacting an agency for advice like the pregnancy advisory service or similar, it may help.

Spendless

joolee wrote:

in answer to caz if im honest everytime we have argued or he has said somethin i feel is out of turn then i find myself wishing i wasnt pregnant and hoping not to be...not an easy thing to think never mind admit

joolee this was something I said to my (now)husband when pregnant with my first. A couple of weeks later a routine scan revealed he was extremely ill and not expected to live and the pregnancy was terminated as a result. When I was told this the guilt was unbearable. I realised I did want the child.

In hindsight I can see the stress we were under-I wasn't working and we had 2 mortgages/bills to support and my hormones were playing a part in how I felt.

Best wishes
xx

joolee_2

Spendless wrote:

joolee this was something I said to my (now)husband when pregnant with my first. A couple of weeks later a routine scan revealed he was extremely ill and not expected to live and the pregnancy was terminated as a result. When I was told this the guilt was unbearable. I realised I did want the child.

In hindsight I can see the stress we were under-I wasn't working and we had 2 mortgages/bills to support and my hormones were playing a part in how I felt.

Best wishes
xx

im so sorry about that - i do sort of know how you feel. i had a miscarriage 10 yrs ago. i didnt want another child and then when i lost it i felt as though it had died bacasue it wasnt wanted. it took a long time to come to terms with. i have my scan in 2 weeks and hopefully i will feel different if everything is ok

Caz2_2

How are you doing joolee

joolee_2

hey all just to say i got a boy now he wil be 2 in december...just reading my old thread - nothing changed much by reading that!!! oh well counselling tomorrow....

BabyElephant

I started to read this thread with interest and then realised it was two years old - I hoped it had been brought up with an update.

I'm glad to hear that you've got a lovely little boy but sorry to hear that things haven't appeared to have worked out with your partner. Hopefully counselling will help you. How is he with your son and how are your daughters with him now?

joolee_2

thanks for watchin and being interested!! just ooking at where i was at 2/3 yrs ago - no change he is a fab ace no 1 dad but no change with my 2....