home life with parents affecting my relationship

trollopscarletwoman

cjdavies wrote: »

The post says only been together for 2 months.

Don't spoil it.

Li0nhead

BlackFrosting wrote: »

Things are going really really good with me and my boyfriend,
we've been together almost 2 months but we feel like we are the right person for each other.

BUT recently, things behind closed doors aren't going so well...because of my parents.
I'm going to try and break it all down so it's easier to read / understand

* I pay £250 a month to live in my house. However, my parents don't allow me to
see my boyfriend when I am ill, I'm not allowed to call him or talk to him on the phone after 10pm,
I'm not allowed to stay out late in the weekdays & usually i get a "bed time", I used to have a curfew of 1am - 4am on the weekends,
I'm not allowed to see my boyfriend on the monday if i've spent all weekend with him

* My boyfriend was texting me toda about how he feels that I am beng controlled and feels like when my mum says "jump" i say "how high"
and is manipulated into thinking I have to listen to them. Today my mum read these messages and then tried to make it out that I was
portraying her as being evil and that she was only doing those things to "care for me"

* my mum is super sly - with the reading my messages thing, she said "would you like your phone back incase your bofriend calls" then i said yes thinking she was being nice then ripped into me about the messages

* my mum openly said that she calls me an idiot because I'm a "young" 22 year old and that I do stupid things,
I've been called it all my life to be honest

*They assume my boyfriend has a dark side because what one of my "friends has said or brought up about what happended saturday
(we were going somewhere and she wasn't listening to me & my boyfriend so my byfriend got really !!!!ed and yeah he was in a bit of a slight mood with me but it was because of her,
and because he had the bank details he needed to send me money to my account for what he owed for a meal but this "concerned" my friend and told my mum he may be trying to take money from me which he cant and will never do as he earns waaay more than me)

* my parents think he's controlling me when i can do what ever i like with him / without him
when they dont realise that they are controlling me and thinks that i'm being blinded and hes using his anxiety to tug on my feelings to make me stay wth him
and that when i stay out late its because of him - i've told them every time this has happened its been my choice always

* I hate being at home as they complain i'm never home but when i am and i talk to them, i always get told shut up

* mum doesn't listen to me when I've told her i don't want to work with children anymore,
the onl reason why i haven't looked for other jobs is because shes made me think i need to stay but i really want out

* She can be really nasty towards me & make me out like a bad sibling in front of my family

* She doesnt teach me how to be independant and gets angry when I do things wrong, she doesn't show me she just talks it through (i find this difficult with my hearing)

* i'm not usually allowed days off or being ill as my mum says i gotta keep pushing through it with pain killers - i'm of this week as i had to beg my doctors for a sick note to prove i needed a few days off work


My boyfriend wants nothing to do with my family (who i live with) and his mum is angry too with my mum.
I don't know what I can do to get out of this situation.

I'm stuck in the most terrible rut and yeah it's bringing my relationship down if i am honest.
i feel like thats what my parents want

Up to reading your age I assumed you were 14-16.

Wow you have been with him 2 months. Thats like a lifetime! :rotfl:

You are an adult, you are living under their roof at a market beating financial cost as you will not get anywhere near what you are getting for £250 P/M in the real world.

Therefore you have a choice: Accept the rules they impose in their house or leave or start planning to leave. Start looking at HTB ISA's etc on here.

I imagine your post being put from your mothers side. I picture it being:

"Help, my immature 22 year old daughter who still lives with us is head over heals for a man who has a bit of a reputation. As I say she is very immature and thinks a two month relationship is a long term stable relationship.
The boyfriend is very manipulative an has managed to convince her I am oppressing her..... etc etc...."

See?

Fridge2

I think there is a little more to this story beneath the surface...the OP mentions "illness" several times, would be good to elaborate on that...perhaps that is one of the reasons her parents are a bit over-protective?

VfM4meplse

Mojisola wrote: »

Move out. ............

And grow up at the same time.

You'll soon realise your so-called boyfriend isn't worth a damn.

Running_Horse

Don't listen to any advice from anyone posting on this forum, including me.

amistupid

Report them to Childline.

Mrs_Arcanum

Fridge2 wrote: »

I think there is a little more to this story beneath the surface...the OP mentions "illness" several times, would be good to elaborate on that...perhaps that is one of the reasons her parents are a bit over-protective?

A neighbours daughter worked in child care and was constantly ill. Seems to be a hazard of the job.

However, 2 months is not long enough to be sure of one another. If you are still together in 6 months, then get a place together. Meanwhile, try getting some bar work or similar to supplement your income to save for moving out anyway. Plus it means you are out of the house for a legitimate reason beyond 10pm.

Ted_Bloke

Move out when you can. You owe it to your parents to give them a chance to grow up.

missbiggles1

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

A neighbours daughter worked in child care and was constantly ill. Seems to be a hazard of the job.

However, 2 months is not long enough to be sure of one another. If you are still together in 6 months, then get a place together. Meanwhile, try getting some bar work or similar to supplement your income to save for moving out anyway. Plus it means you are out of the house for a legitimate reason beyond 10pm.

I don't think that's good advice, to move out from controlling parents to live with a questionable boyfriend who earns far more without a period of independence in between. Frying pans and fires comes to mind.

missbiggles1

Fridge2 wrote: »

I think there is a little more to this story beneath the surface...the OP mentions "illness" several times, would be good to elaborate on that...perhaps that is one of the reasons her parents are a bit over-protective?

She also mentions problems with her hearing, so possibly disability as well.