home life with parents affecting my relationship

Li0nhead

VfM4meplse wrote: »

However much or little it's a question of their house, their rules. A tough but reliable life lesson.

The thought of charging anyone bed and board fills my whole family with horror. My parents never did it, and neither do we grown siblings.

It teaches budgeting and the idea that you need to contribute.

A great thing a friend of mines parents did was insisted he paid board then when he was going for a house they had put it aside to help with his deposit but did not tell him when he was paying them.

thorsoak

1. You do not need your parents' permission to leave home - you are an adult and can leave at any time you want (although I do agree that saving up for six months would be a good idea).

2. Have you any qualifications for your job of "looking after babies"? If you do, you could always apply for live-in nanny posts in order to leave home - then see if it is the job you dislike, or living at home?

3. Start to grow a backbone - don't ask your parents "is it alright if......" Tell them "oh by the way, I shall be going out at the weekend, and won't be back until very late - so don't wait up".

4. Take responsibility for your own life.

AylesburyDuck

22 :eek:
Seriously i dont even treat my 17 year old with such disrespect.
Move out.

ska_lover

It is time to move out,,, beyond time really

You and your parents are having issues with moving past the parent and child relationship in terms of - you are still relying on them far too heavily and they are having issues with treating you like the adult you are - partly because you are still relying on them far too heavily so its a self fulfilling prophecy you are partly contributing to

Detroit

OP, it sounds to many people on here that your parents are treating you in a way that is inappropriate for your age.

However, leaving your boyfriend out of things for a moment, because, after just two months, it's too early to let him be a major influence on how you live; is your parents behaviour usual amongst other people you know in your community/culture?

Do you have family friends, cousins etc whose parents are the same as yours?

Most importantly, before your boyfriend came on the scene, were you unhappy with the relationship with your parents?

The sort of parental relationship you describe is very common in some cultures, and if this is the case for you, your parents will be acting in a way they believe to be your best interests and are unlikely to change their approach.

Rather than being controlling, they may be acting in accordance with their beliefs about family life.
If you do decide to leave then this could cause a lot of problems in your family.

Obviously you must do what is right for you, but before taking any major steps, consider whether you're acting on your own genuine wishes or your boyfriend's.
Also if you want to risk problems with your parents.

There are also sorts of groups out there to support and advice people in most situations. If this situation is common in your culture, it might be helpful to Google your circumstances and see if there's a specific one for you.

Detroit

Li0nhead wrote: »

Up to reading your age I assumed you were 14-16.

Wow you have been with him 2 months. Thats like a lifetime! :rotfl:

You are an adult, you are living under their roof at a market beating financial cost as you will not get anywhere near what you are getting for £250 P/M in the real world.

Therefore you have a choice: Accept the rules they impose in their house or leave or start planning to leave. Start looking at HTB ISA's etc on here.

I imagine your post being put from your mothers side. I picture it being:

"Help, my immature 22 year old daughter who still lives with us is head over heals for a man who has a bit of a reputation. As I say she is very immature and thinks a two month relationship is a long term stable relationship.
The boyfriend is very manipulative an has managed to convince her I am oppressing her..... etc etc...."

See?[/QUOTE

I can't see any reference here to reading age? However, the OP mentions hearing problems. People with hearing problems often find literacy challenging.

onomatopoeia99

I agree with all the people that said move out. A room in a shared house or as a lodger need not be massively expensive - the amount that can be charged to lodgers is effectively limited by the tax break on the rent. Your relationship with your parents may well improve at arm's length.

If you had written about what your parents were doing to control your life, but instead said it was a husband / boyfriend doing it, things like "gaslighting" and "women's aid" would have been mentioned multiple times already, but since it's your parents, such behaviour suddenly becomes acceptable to a significant number of forumites. Same with "their house, their rules", which certainly wouldn't be acceptable to the same people if it was a woman moving into her husband's / boyfriend's home and having her life controlled

missbiggles1

BlackFrosting wrote: »

What would you like to know, I'm an open book and willing to share exactly what is going on.


We were together 6 months actually and also yeah I'd never call a few dates a relationship until its a mutual feeling or when i've been asked to go official.
I've dated my current boyfriend a good month before making it official - he asked.

"Making it official" - how does that work?

Detroit

missbiggles1 wrote: »

"Making it official" - how does that work?

I think its when Facebook status is changed to ' in a relationship';)

newcook

I used to think it was unfair when my mom said to me to be back by a certain time when I was 21 - the main reason is not because she was trying to control me but because she would lie awake worrying about me.
I may have been an adult and fairly mature for my age but I guess its a parent thing. you will always be her baby regardless how old you are! heck, I'm 35 with a baby on the way and my mom still worries about me!

are you a loud talker? my old housemate is quite loud and I could hear her on her phone even if she was upstairs with her door closed - when you are trying to sleep at 11pm and someone is jabbering away its annoying!

I dont agree with her looking through your phone messages and while you say she gives you a 'bed time' is this because she worries that if you are up late you wont get up for work?