home life with parents affecting my relationship

Caroline_a

Sometimes these parent/child relationships grow so entwined that it is impossible to help the people involved. I know of one family, 40+ year old daughter, disabled brother and elderly parents. She gave up work some years ago claiming she wasn't well enough to work, but no doctor has ever found anything wrong. So she stays home, parents pay for everything. She now claims to be carer of brother who is autistic but in reality does nothing for him beyond a few colouring in exercises.

She goes to festivals, big sporting events and expensive concerts. All paid for by parents. However if they say no, she rants all over Twitter and Facebook where others who don't realise the situation only see an adult woman who has been told she can't go to something. Cue lots of sympathy and 'move out' responses. The truth is that she never will, it's too easy at home.

Now I'm not saying the OP is the same but it is her choice to go or stay, she is the only one able to make that decision.

Detroit

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Sometimes, responders say something that is trying to illustrate one point but it is put poorly perhaps, gets picked up on and (understandably) changed into something completely alien to what was first intended.

I made a point earlier this week where I responded to an assertion that Surrey was (my paraphrasing) 'far from rural'. Having been born and bred, raised and lived in the county for the first 50 years of my life and been a mobile librarian in NW and SW of the county for years, I replied that I knew many places where it was still possible to live half a mile from your nearest neighbour. I mentioned John Lowe, Farnham to illustrate this.

This was picked up on and re-presented as a threat when what I actually meant was that living so rurally, the man was able to operate below the radar for a VERY long time, run lucrative puppy farms galore, many other slightly-above-illegal operations, own a shotgun (for vermin) and eventually murder his partner, all out of sight of anyone else, so (relatively) remote was his property, even in over-crowded Surrey...and that's a bit of the local knowledge I was trying to refer to

I'm quite sure that's what surveyqueen was trying to convey even if somewhat ham-fistedly. B"£$%^r you can put wings on one's heels! :rotfl:

Yes ma'am. Understood, I do see how this happens.:)

It seemed to me to be suggesting that the OP acted in a deliberately provocative manner which could antagonize an already difficult situation, but I accept your point that this may not have been the intended meaning.

I don't understand your last sentence btw, which is a pity if I've missed a:rotfl:

Is it an expression?

paddy's_mum

"Boog er you" or something very similar as an expression of defiant determination to seek and find one's own way.

As in "up yours" or "go to hell" which can also be such a spur to proving your own worth.

Sometimes, being adamant about where I wanted to be (in terms of career) was the one thing that kept me going when all about me said it was too difficult, wouldn't I like to take things easier etc.

Detroit

:Ao

paddy's_mum wrote: »

"Boog er you" or something very similar as an expression of defiant determination to seek and find one's own way.

As in "up yours" or "go to hell" which can also be such a spur to proving your own worth.

Sometimes, being adamant about where I wanted to be (in terms of career) was the one thing that kept me going when all about me said it was too difficult, wouldn't I like to take things easier etc.

I see, as in KMA. Yes, I get this as a motivator.:)

System

Li0nhead wrote: »

Show him this:

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/help-to-buy-ISA

Total no brainier with the govt topping up 25%!

Even if he does not use it for a deposit it would be a good savings pot for him.

Except as reported today it doesn't pay until you already have the house! They advertise it as helping with the deposit but it doesn't actually do that.

Aside from that i'd advocate moving into a houseshare, i play slightly more per month all bills inclusive so you'd not be much worse off and have the freedom to do what you want when you Part of the reason i never went home is i knew my parents would still treat me as a child.