home life with parents affecting my relationship

surveyqueenuk

BlackFrosting wrote: »

I spoke to my parents about moving out last night,
and they said I ave 6 months to start saving properly and that they will help me to become more independent...

With this in mind (and assuming it is a genuine offer), you could be looking forward to a new start in Feb next year. Can you stick it out at your parents for another six months? Does having a light at the end of the tunnel make things anymore bearable? Most importantly of all, will you be able to "put up and shut up" until then?

If so then make a plan to work hard and save even harder. Be as independent as you possibly can, even if it's only out of sheer spite. Aim to save enough for a deposit on your own flat then if your parents offer is suddenly withdrawn, you'll still have plan B.

I know half a year seems like ages but honestly, if you can just stick it out a little longer and get saving then you'll be in a far better position than you would be if you walked out tomorrow.

Brighton_belle

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

A room in a shared house or as a lodger need not be massively expensive - the amount that can be charged to lodgers is effectively limited by the tax break on the rent.

From next April the tax free limit will rise to £625pcm (currently £354)

paddy's_mum

I expect this will go in much the same way as the folk in the Mark Twain comment which (IIRC) went something along these lines "When I was 15, I realised that my parents were ignorant and knew nothing. When I got to 25, I was astonished how much they had learned in 10 years".

:A

dcouponzzzz

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I expect this will go in much the same way as the folk in the Mark Twain comment which (IIRC) went something along these lines "When I was 15, I realised that my parents were ignorant and knew nothing. When I got to 25, I was astonished how much they had learned in 10 years".

:A

I'm constantly seeking to improve my knowledge of how the world works and believe I am actually more self aware, emotionally intelligent and knowledgeable than my parents in many respects....well that's what I thought until I read that quote, maybe I just haven't realised how much they do know yet :P

dcouponzzzz

Mojisola wrote: »

You've got a very rosy view of parents - who are only ordinary people who have had children and can be nasty, mean, controlling and a range of other unpleasant things.

Not all parents have their children's best interests at heart.

I understand that, however the restrictions and pressure they're applying in this case seem to be to all for the OP's benefit. Most cases where parents don't have best interests at heart include taking money or making their children feel guilt for not prioritising them, whereas here I agree with what her mum is trying to do, but I don't agree with the execution or strategy.

Detroit

surveyqueenuk wrote: »

With this in mind (and assuming it is a genuine offer), you could be looking forward to a new start in Feb next year. Can you stick it out at your parents for another six months? Does having a light at the end of the tunnel make things anymore bearable? Most importantly of all, will you be able to "put up and shut up" until then?

If so then make a plan to work hard and save even harder. Be as independent as you possibly can, even if it's only out of sheer spite. Aim to save enough for a deposit on your own flat then if your parents offer is suddenly withdrawn, you'll still have plan B.

I know half a year seems like ages but honestly, if you can just stick it out a little longer and get saving then you'll be in a far better position than you would be if you walked out tomorrow.

Why on earth would the OP want to act out of 'sheer spite'?

What an odd suggestion.

missbiggles1

surveyqueenuk wrote: »

With this in mind (and assuming it is a genuine offer), you could be looking forward to a new start in Feb next year. Can you stick it out at your parents for another six months? Does having a light at the end of the tunnel make things anymore bearable? Most importantly of all, will you be able to "put up and shut up" until then?

If so then make a plan to work hard and save even harder. Be as independent as you possibly can, even if it's only out of sheer spite. Aim to save enough for a deposit on your own flat then if your parents offer is suddenly withdrawn, you'll still have plan B.

I know half a year seems like ages but honestly, if you can just stick it out a little longer and get saving then you'll be in a far better position than you would be if you walked out tomorrow.

Unless the OP really is very young for her age, waiting (and saving) for 6 months should in no way seem like ages. Most people grow out of that view of time in their mid to late teens!

missbiggles1

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

At the very latest, the age of majority, which the OP is four years past, but parents should be encouraging independence of thought and action long before that.

House rules for adult offspring living with parents should be no more controlling than if the same person was living with a partner in the partner's home. Just because they may still think of their child as the little baby they watched take their first steps. parents don't get special rights to be more controlling than a partner or anyone else.

If someone living with their parents expects that level of equality then I would expect them to be paying (in this case) a third of all the bills, mortgage and/or rent, food and any other household expenses, not simply paying £250 per month!

surveyqueenuk

Detroit wrote: »

Why on earth would the OP want to act out of 'sheer spite'?

What an odd suggestion.

When someone says you'll fail at something, belittles you, makes you feel angry or whatever, sometimes a bit of "I'll show you lot I can bl00dy well do it" can be a great motivator for change or progress. That's what I meant.

paddy's_mum

Detroit wrote: »

Why on earth would the OP want to act out of 'sheer spite'?

What an odd suggestion.

Sometimes, responders say something that is trying to illustrate one point but it is put poorly perhaps, gets picked up on and (understandably) changed into something completely alien to what was first intended.

I made a point earlier this week where I responded to an assertion that Surrey was (my paraphrasing) 'far from rural'. Having been born and bred, raised and lived in the county for the first 50 years of my life and been a mobile librarian in NW and SW of the county for years, I replied that I knew many places where it was still possible to live half a mile from your nearest neighbour. I mentioned John Lowe, Farnham to illustrate this.

This was picked up on and re-presented as a threat when what I actually meant was that living so rurally, the man was able to operate below the radar for a VERY long time, run lucrative puppy farms galore, many other slightly-above-illegal operations, own a shotgun (for vermin) and eventually murder his partner, all out of sight of anyone else, so (relatively) remote was his property, even in over-crowded Surrey...and that's a bit of the local knowledge I was trying to refer to

I'm quite sure that's what surveyqueen was trying to convey even if somewhat ham-fistedly. B"£$%^r you can put wings on one's heels! :rotfl: