home life with parents affecting my relationship

BlackFrosting

Things are going really really good with me and my boyfriend,
we've been together almost 2 months but we feel like we are the right person for each other.

BUT recently, things behind closed doors aren't going so well...because of my parents.
I'm going to try and break it all down so it's easier to read / understand

* I pay £250 a month to live in my house. However, my parents don't allow me to
see my boyfriend when I am ill, I'm not allowed to call him or talk to him on the phone after 10pm,
I'm not allowed to stay out late in the weekdays & usually i get a "bed time", I used to have a curfew of 1am - 4am on the weekends,
I'm not allowed to see my boyfriend on the monday if i've spent all weekend with him

* My boyfriend was texting me toda about how he feels that I am beng controlled and feels like when my mum says "jump" i say "how high"
and is manipulated into thinking I have to listen to them. Today my mum read these messages and then tried to make it out that I was
portraying her as being evil and that she was only doing those things to "care for me"

* my mum is super sly - with the reading my messages thing, she said "would you like your phone back incase your bofriend calls" then i said yes thinking she was being nice then ripped into me about the messages

* my mum openly said that she calls me an idiot because I'm a "young" 22 year old and that I do stupid things,
I've been called it all my life to be honest

*They assume my boyfriend has a dark side because what one of my "friends has said or brought up about what happended saturday
(we were going somewhere and she wasn't listening to me & my boyfriend so my byfriend got really !!!!ed and yeah he was in a bit of a slight mood with me but it was because of her,
and because he had the bank details he needed to send me money to my account for what he owed for a meal but this "concerned" my friend and told my mum he may be trying to take money from me which he cant and will never do as he earns waaay more than me)

* my parents think he's controlling me when i can do what ever i like with him / without him
when they dont realise that they are controlling me and thinks that i'm being blinded and hes using his anxiety to tug on my feelings to make me stay wth him
and that when i stay out late its because of him - i've told them every time this has happened its been my choice always

* I hate being at home as they complain i'm never home but when i am and i talk to them, i always get told shut up

* mum doesn't listen to me when I've told her i don't want to work with children anymore,
the onl reason why i haven't looked for other jobs is because shes made me think i need to stay but i really want out

* She can be really nasty towards me & make me out like a bad sibling in front of my family

* She doesnt teach me how to be independant and gets angry when I do things wrong, she doesn't show me she just talks it through (i find this difficult with my hearing)

* i'm not usually allowed days off or being ill as my mum says i gotta keep pushing through it with pain killers - i'm of this week as i had to beg my doctors for a sick note to prove i needed a few days off work


My boyfriend wants nothing to do with my family (who i live with) and his mum is angry too with my mum.
I don't know what I can do to get out of this situation.

I'm stuck in the most terrible rut and yeah it's bringing my relationship down if i am honest.
i feel like thats what my parents want

Mojisola

BlackFrosting wrote: »

* I pay £250 a month to live in my house. However, my parents don't allow me to
see my boyfriend when I am ill, I'm not allowed to call him or talk to him on the phone after 10pm,
I'm not allowed to stay out late in the weekdays & usually i get a "bed time", I used to have a curfew of 1am - 4am on the weekends,
I'm not allowed to see my boyfriend on the monday if i've spent all weekend with him

* My boyfriend was texting me toda about how he feels that I am beng controlled and feels like when my mum says "jump" i say "how high"
and is manipulated into thinking I have to listen to them. Today my mum read these messages and then tried to make it out that I was
portraying her as being evil and that she was only doing those things to "care for me"

I don't know what I can do to get out of this situation.

Move out. ............

Ms_Chocaholic

Is this the same boyfriend yuo had in January that you were planning a life with ... he was on JSA at the time.

martinthebandit

Mojisola wrote: »

Move out. ............

Is the right answer, but of course the OP would need to be able to afford it.

trollopscarletwoman

I'm going to enjoy this.

Cold flagon round the corner shop.

[Deleted User]

How old are you, OP?

WR

trollopscarletwoman

Wild_Rover wrote: »

How old are you, OP?

WR

Who cares.

Entertainment is just that.

custardy

Wild_Rover wrote: »

How old are you, OP?

WR

An aged 22 years old it seems.

Prinzessilein

Accord to the initial post, the OP is 22 (albeit a 'young' 22)...is working (boyfriend earns more...implies they are earning too?)...pays £250 a month to parents (again suggest working as HB would not be paid to someone living with parents?)....and after less than 2 months trusts their boyfriend more than they do their parents.

This thread has the potential to run and run!!!

Personally, I would simply say "their house.....their rules"

trollopscarletwoman

Prinzessilein wrote: »

Accord to the initial post, the OP is 22 (albeit a 'young' 22)...is working (boyfriend earns more...implies they are earning too?)...pays £250 a month to parents (again suggest working as HB would not be paid to someone living with parents?)....and after less than 2 months trusts their boyfriend more than they do their parents.

This thread has the potential to run and run!!!

Hopefully..... that's why I like them.

Mojisola

Prinzessilein wrote: »

Personally, I would simply say "their house.....their rules"

I wouldn't. If parents have adult children living at home and contributing financially to the household, they should treat them as adults, not children

If the parents are so controlling that they want to set 'bed times' for a 22 year old, the young adult should leave home.