Stil in love but no physical attraction

Tigsteroonie

oldmanofthesea wrote: »

when making love to someone "intimacy " is not all erection and "hard on's" its about cuddles and holding and feeling the person who makes you whole near to you.

It not about how it makes you feel, it is about how you make the other person feel.

If it's not about your own wants, then how does her increased size have any impact on your ability to make love?

What you've written at this point doesn't match with your OP:

the physical attraction is starting to be challenging.

Are you saying that because she has put on weight, you no longer want to make her feel special? That's pretty harsh.

Peter333

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

What difference does that make? Just because you're married to someone doesn't mean that attraction can't change over the years. You can still love someone without fancying them.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

You're right - which shows what an awful thing it was to say.:)

Why? What was so 'awful' about what Georgie said?

I don't see anyone else complaining about it or saying it was awful. And it's just Georgie's thoughts and views anyway. What was so 'awful' about it?

Georgiegirl256

Thank you Peter. I guess some people just can't understand he meaning behind my post, so I'll spell it out for them....

No matter how long you've been with someone, attraction towards that person can come and go. You can still love someone without feeling attraction towards them, but if you don't feel the attraction anymore for whatever reason, then it needs to be talked about like adults or risk it ruining the relationship altogether. I'm surprised people can't see that.

Peter333

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Thank you Peter. I guess some people just can't understand he meaning behind my post, so I'll spell it out for them....

No matter how long you've been with someone, attraction towards that person can come and go. You can still love someone without feeling attraction towards them, but if you don't feel the attraction anymore for whatever reason, then it needs to be talked about like adults or risk it ruining the relationship altogether. I'm surprised people can't see that.

You're welcome.

And what you say is true. It's not great, and it's not ideal, and it's a bit sad... however it DOES happen. And sadly, it boils down the old adage 'men are attracted to what they see, women are attracted to what they hear.'

Most men DO want a woman to look good and to stay looking good and look after themselves, so yes, some men will find it hard to fancy their wife if she gains 5 or 6 stone or more. And I'd imagine that some women would struggle to fancy their man if HE gained 5 stone or more. (And at the end of the day, women go for looks to a certain extent too...)

Men are more fussy about looks I think, (and yes, a tad 'shallow,') but women are more likely to be fussy about having a man who is well off/solvent/rich.

I'm not saying ALL men are shallow about looks, and all women are shallow about men being rich; just that men are more prone to want looks in a woman, and women are more prone to want financial security in a man.

When push comes to shove though, it's not 'awful' for someone to not fancy their partner anymore. If they completely change the way they look from when you first married them, (like they gain 5-6 stone - or more,) then it's understandable.

Just my two pennies worth; hope it makes sense!

Andypandyboy

I wonder if the op has been doing some thinking?

woohoo

I am a woman and I see the point of the OP.

I am also turned off by fat. I don't mean a few pounds here. I mean when people have extra 'bits of body' hanging off them. It is not healthy and I certainly do not find it attractive. That is my personal opinion. Does this make me shallow? I don't think so. I picked a bloke who cares about what he looks like and makes an effort to keep healthy. Yes, we both gain a few pounds here and there, but we take action to get rid!! We all have likes and dislikes and preferences about partners and what we find attractive.

I think the wine is clearly the culprit here. Maybe you need to let her know you are concerned about the effect of this on her health. I am not sure I would go down the 'not finding you attractive' route. That could be gutting for her, even if she knows it deep down. I cannot think of a way you could say that kindly at all. Perhaps if you are chatting about the wine intake, then she may mention her weight herself? I would be so upset to think my other half did not fancy me any more and that might make me drink more wine!!

Hope you can sort it.

Gloomendoom

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

If it's not about your own wants, then how does her increased size have any impact on your ability to make love?

Perhaps he keeps burning his bum on the light bulb.

Person_one

woohoo wrote: »

I picked a bloke who cares about what he looks like and makes an effort to keep healthy.

I truly hope you never have to discover all the many ways in which your health and body can betray you and change the way you look and feel far beyond your control. I hope that if that ever does happen to either you or your 'bloke', that you are able to realise how little the way you look actually matters.

Dill

Person_one wrote: »

I truly hope you never have to discover all the many ways in which your health and body can betray you and change the way you look and feel far beyond your control.

..but what if it is something she has control over, and it's genuinely bothering him?

oldmanofthesea wrote: »

Over the last year though Mrs has gained quite a bit of weight. She likes her bottle or two of wine on an evening, the seconds at dinner and generally enjoys her nibbles.

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

I truly hope you never have to discover all the many ways in which your health and body can betray you and change the way you look and feel far beyond your control. I hope that if that ever does happen to either you or your 'bloke', that you are able to realise how little the way you look actually matters.

I feel very lucky that my OH has stayed around despite me no longer being the person he married because of health problems.

I couldn't have blamed him if he had left because I've changed so much and my health has affected what kind of a life we have.