Stil in love but no physical attraction

woohoo

Person One - I am talking about what we can control.

Believe me, in the work I do, I see a side of life which some may see as something that they could not live with or do not understand. People say to me that 'you must be so patient' or 'I cannot do what you do'. Illness is certainly a different matter.

At the end of the day, we all find certain things attractive it not.

PS I think that 'bloke' is a lighthearted way to reference your other half. Obviously you take offence

missbiggles1

Peter333 wrote: »

Why? What was so 'awful' about what Georgie said?

I don't see anyone else complaining about it or saying it was awful. And it's just Georgie's thoughts and views anyway. What was so 'awful' about it?

I think it was awful not to see any difference between an attraction for a stranger and feelings for someone you've been married to for 20 years.

missbiggles1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Thank you Peter. I guess some people just can't understand he meaning behind my post, so I'll spell it out for them....

No matter how long you've been with someone, attraction towards that person can come and go. You can still love someone without feeling attraction towards them, but if you don't feel the attraction anymore for whatever reason, then it needs to be talked about like adults or risk it ruining the relationship altogether. I'm surprised people can't see that.

If the person changes, I would agree - if it's just the way that person looks, then I don't. It's the person inside that you love and are attracted to, not their appearance.

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I think it was awful not to see any difference between an attraction for a stranger and feelings for someone you've been married to for 20 years.

Of course I can see the difference, but if the attraction isn't there anymore and it's affecting your relationship, then what are you going to do? It has to be talked about.

Edit: Just saw your above post. I disagree. If the attraction isn't there, then it can and does damage a relationship. As I said before, you can still love someone, but attraction can come and go, and if it goes, then you're not going to want to have intimate time with your partner as much. It's both the person inside and outside that attracts people.

missbiggles1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Of course I can see the difference, but if the attraction isn't there anymore and it's affecting your relationship, then what are you going to do? It has to be talked about.

Edit: Just saw your above post. I disagree. If the attraction isn't there, then it can and does damage a relationship. As I said before, you can still love someone, but attraction can come and go, and if it goes, then you're not going to want to have intimate time with your partner as much. It's both the person inside and outside that attracts people.

But you're again conflating attraction with physical appearance which I don't think is a genuine way of functioning in a relationship. If your kind, thoughtful husband becomes rude and abusive as he gets older then you won't be attracted to him, if he puts on weight or changes physically (as we all do) then I don't see that changes anything.

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But you're again conflating attraction with physical appearance which I don't think is a genuine way of functioning in a relationship. If your kind, thoughtful husband becomes rude and abusive as he gets older then you won't be attracted to him, if he puts on weight or changes physically (as we all do) then I don't see that changes anything.

But if the physical appearance isn't attractive then you're not going to be attracted to it as much surely?

Speaking from personal experience, if someone does put on a considerable amount of weight, then yes, it does change things. My husband has put on quite abit of weight over the last few years, and yes, I'll be honest, I don't find him as attractive. That's not being shallow, that's just being honest. But, what is the biggest turnoff was his unwillingness to do something about it. He's trying now, so that's a start and makes me have more respect for him.

It may sound harsh, but it's true. I've never stopped loving him, but I much prefer him when he is thinner. Not only for looks wise, but also for his health too.

woohoo

It is a lot more complicated than this. Illness is one thing. Growing older, putting on a few pounds (and all that comes with growing older) is inevitable.

Drinking two bottles of wine a night, seconds for dinner, nibbles and getting fat is another. This is what the OP originally stated. If there is no 'medical cause' then clearly there are other reasons. This may be unhappiness with the relationship or other area in life, lack of confidence, mental health issues, addiction to alcohol, lack of care about the relationship etc etc. These are just examples - there are many more. People can just slip into these patterns of behaviour without realising sometimes. Always opening a bottle with dinner etc.

woohoo

Georgiegirl - I agree!!

Georgiegirl256

woohoo wrote: »

It is a lot more complicated than this. Illness is one thing. Growing older, putting on a few pounds (and all that comes with growing older) is inevitable.

Drinking two bottles of wine a night, seconds for dinner, nibbles and getting fat is another. This is what the OP originally stated. If there is no 'medical cause' then clearly there are other reasons. This may be unhappiness with the relationship or other area in life, lack of confidence, mental health issues, addiction to alcohol, lack of care about the relationship etc etc. These are just examples - there are many more. People can just slip into these patterns of behaviour without realising sometimes. Always opening a bottle with dinner etc.

Very true woohoo. God knows I've put on more than a few pounds myself, due to bad habits, snacking at night etc, it's easy to do. You get stuck in this repetitive routine, and unless you realise this and do something about it, then nothing is going to change.

missbiggles1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

But if the physical appearance isn't attractive then you're not going to be attracted to it as much surely?

Speaking from personal experience, if someone does put on a considerable amount of weight, then yes, it does change things. My husband has put on quite abit of weight over the last few years, and yes, I'll be honest, I don't find him as attractive. That's not being shallow, that's just being honest. But, what is the biggest turnoff was his unwillingness to do something about it. He's trying now, so that's a start and makes me have more respect for him.

It may sound harsh, but it's true. I've never stopped loving him, but I much prefer him when he is thinner. Not only for looks wise, but also for his health too.

It?:eek:..