Stil in love but no physical attraction

Peter333

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Basically, both Peter and Cynantist sum it up well. If someone just basically doesn't try, would rather stuff their face/drink loads than actually try to lose the weight, then that in itself is a turn off and unattractive. It's about having respect for yourself and your partner.

Also, a few pounds here and there are almost inevitable, and to be expected as people get older. A few stones through abusing their body with food and drink is not.

And yes, whilst I do prefer my husband thinner I never stop loving him.

Yes, good points Georgie. Seems like hard work trying to get (some) posters to understand what we're saying though... It's not about changing gradually over the years, and changing together; it's about someone piling loads of weight on in a short period of time, and being basically a bit greedy and a bit lazy. Not attractive traits. And if she wasn't like that before, then it's understandable that the OP is struggling with it. As I said earlier in the thread though; he should probably try and find out why.

Person_one wrote: »

Do people in relationships have a duty then, to try their hardest to stay looking as close as possible to the way they did when they first met their partner? What if they don't want to because they mature and feel more comfortable looking less perfect, or find that it takes more and more effort as they get older and detracts from enjoying life in other ways?

Again, you are creating your own scenario. The OP is not about what you are going on about. Of COURSE people are going to age, lose hair, lose teeth, gain weight, gain wrinkles, as that is the natural evolution of life and ageing! What we are talking about is someone who used to be fit and slim, letting themselves go, stuffing too much food into their face, necking 15 bottles of wine a week, slobbing in front of the telly, gaining a load of weight in a short amount of time, and seemingly not giving a stuff about it, or how they look.

So yes, do that by all means, but if you decide to do what the heck you want, eat the entire contents of a Greggs shop, and gain 5 stone in a couple of years, then don't be surprised if your partner isn't attracted to you anymore. I wouldn't be attracted to my wife if she gained 5 stone in a couple of years, and she wouldn't be attracted to me either. Nor would I expect her to be.

Andypandyboy wrote: »

It smacks to me of the old guides to keeping a man happy from the 50s. You know the thing, never let your man see you have had a hard day, he doesn't need to hear that- make sure you take the time to take off your apron and fix your hair and make up before he comes home......

Not really. As the same would apply with men. Whilst I wouldn't expect a man to be attracted to his woman if she gained 5 stone or more in a couple of years, I wouldn't expect a woman to be attracted to a man who gained the same.

Lambyr wrote: »

I think gradual, natural change is a different thing to what the OP says. People get older, their looks change, that's true, but when you see them constantly your mind adjusts to each change long before you even really notice it. Some people aren't lying when they say their wife or husband are just as beautiful/handsome as the day they met twenty years ago because in their mind, little has actually changed because the brain has compensated for ageing and that includes the pounds that naturally get added over the years.

Putting on several stone in a matter of months is going to noticeable.

My weight tends to fluctuate a bit. I am tall and have generally carried an athletic build most of my life. These days I can't afford the gym and I really do love pasta and pizza too much. But whenever I start feeling myself struggling to fit into a pair of jeans, I lower the fatty foods and up the exercise as much as I can to maintain my figure.

I'm pretty sure my girlfriend will still want me if I put on some weight but she's obviously attracted to my current body shape so why shouldn't I try and maintain it for her? Why shouldn't I put in some effort for her? She's worth the effort. It's the same reason I put makeup on for her and do my best to make myself look pretty whenever I see her - because I want to make an effort for her and quite honestly, her being attracted to me makes me feel more attractive and good about myself. It's kind of a circle in a way but in my mind we both benefit if I'm making an effort.

Admittedly I've always tried to maintain this body shape anyway, even before I was with her. But I suppose she gives me an extra reason to do it.

I get when you've been married twenty or thirty years it's a lot different and most couples do tend to start relaxing around one another but I personally would still hope that I would want to make some effort. I wouldn't see it as a duty because I'd be doing it as much for me as I would her because it's part of that circle of good feeling.

THIS ^^^ :T

missbiggles1

Detroit wrote: »

Funny. I'll raise you 'Perfect 10' by Beautiful South.

And I'll raise you "Wives and Lovers" by Dionne Warwick/Jack Jones.

"Hey, little girl
Comb your hair, fix your make-up
Soon he will open the door
Don't think because
There's a ring on your finger
You needn't try any more
For wives should always be lovers, too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I'm warning you
Day after day
There are girls at the office
And men will always be men
Don't send him off
With your hair still in curlers
You may not see him again
For wives should always be lovers, too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
He's almost here
Hey, little girl
Better wear something pretty
Something you'd wear to go to the city
And dim all the lights
Pour the wine, start the music
Time to get ready for love
Oh, time to get ready,
Time to get ready
Time to get ready
For love."

Sick bucket compulsory.:D

Pollycat

missbiggles1 wrote: »

And I'll raise you "Wives and Lovers" by Dionne Warwick/Jack Jones.

"Hey, little girl
Comb your hair, fix your make-up
Soon he will open the door
Don't think because
There's a ring on your finger
You needn't try any more
For wives should always be lovers, too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I'm warning you
Day after day
There are girls at the office
And men will always be men
Don't send him off
With your hair still in curlers
You may not see him again
For wives should always be lovers, too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
He's almost here
Hey, little girl
Better wear something pretty
Something you'd wear to go to the city
And dim all the lights
Pour the wine, start the music
Time to get ready for love
Oh, time to get ready,
Time to get ready
Time to get ready
For love."

Sick bucket compulsory.:D

Absoutely!

You should have put that comment at the beginning of your post as a warning.

missbiggles1

Pollycat wrote: »

Absoutely!

You should have put that comment at the beginning of your post as a warning.

But that would have upset all those on here who'd consider the song to be sound marital advice.;)

Gloomendoom

My wife was was quite podgy and insecure when she was young but then slimmed down and discovered that hidden inside the podge was a cracking figure. She gained a huge amount of self confidence as a result. She likes being trim and is prepared to put the effort in to stay that way. She does get slightly bemused when other women tell her that she is 'lucky' to have such a nice figure. It isn't just genetics.

I've just got home from work to find her blitzing our home gym so that 'she' can actually use it. However, I suspect this may be as much for my benefit as hers. She prefers me trim too and, at the moment, I need put some extra effort in.

I don't mind. Happy wife, happy life.

Dill

Can I put the cat among the pigeons and say that for a lot of women, once they're settled with their partner they feel they don't need to make an effort with their appearance anymore, because they have the man they want and they feel secure?

Men on the other hand like a women to look attractive..


*beats a hasty retreat*

Pollycat

Dill wrote: »

Can I put the cat among the pigeons and say that for a lot of women, once they're settled with their partner they feel they don't need to make an effort with their appearance anymore, because they have the man they want and they feel secure?

Men on the other hand like a women to look attractive..


*beats a hasty retreat*

I disagree entirely.

I'm in my early 60s, been married for almost 30 years..

I work out most days.

I dress well (at least I think I do).

I do it for me, not for my husband.

Dill

That's why I said "for a lot of women". Some look fantastic, even glamorous, in their 70s and 80s! Look at Joan Bakewell.

Gloomendoom

Pollycat wrote: »

I do it for me, not for my husband.

I showed your post to my wife. Her typically unselfish response was that she does it for both of us.

FBaby

Person_one wrote: »

Do people in relationships have a duty then, to try their hardest to stay looking as close as possible to the way they did when they first met their partner? What if they don't want to because they mature and feel more comfortable looking less perfect, or find that it takes more and more effort as they get older and detracts from enjoying life in other ways?

I don't understand this rationale. What about emotional attractiveness. I fell in love with my OH because he was kind, generous, funny and caring. If suddenly he decided to let himself go, become a bit more selfish, a bit grumpier and stingy, should I accept that it is acceptable as part of the aging process and therefore I would be wrong to suddenly find him less emotionally attractive and to want to talk to him about it to try to understand the reason for the change?

I don't think physical attractiveness is everything, but saying that it worth nothing is odd to me. It's one element of what makes a relationship happy. Up to a certain age, I do think that attractiveness, whether emotional or physical is important and if it goes missing, then the reasons need to be discussed.

As it's been said already, in the case of suddenly putting on a lot of weight would be for me unattractive physically but also emotionally, but I do find will-power attractive, as well as taking steps to be healthy. This means that if OH put on weight because of an illness rather than stuffing himself with unhealthy food and alcohol, it wouldn't impact on how attractive I found him.