Stil in love but no physical attraction

Peter333

FBaby wrote: »

I don't understand this rationale. What about emotional attractiveness. I fell in love with my OH because he was kind, generous, funny and caring. If suddenly he decided to let himself go, become a bit more selfish, a bit grumpier and stingy, should I accept that it is acceptable as part of the ageing process and therefore I would be wrong to suddenly find him less emotionally attractive and to want to talk to him about it to try to understand the reason for the change?

I don't think physical attractiveness is everything, but saying that it worth nothing is odd to me. It's one element of what makes a relationship happy. Up to a certain age, I do think that attractiveness, whether emotional or physical is important and if it goes missing, then the reasons need to be discussed.

As it's been said already, in the case of suddenly putting on a lot of weight would be for me unattractive physically but also emotionally, but I do find will-power attractive, as well as taking steps to be healthy. This means that if OH put on weight because of an illness rather than stuffing himself with unhealthy food and alcohol, it wouldn't impact on how attractive I found him.

:T Good post.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I think they have a duty to show respect to both themselves and their partner yes. I do believe that people should make an effort for their partner. If you let yourself turn into Wayne or Waynetter slob, then no, that is not appealing in the slightest.

I can't believe a certain few on this thread can't see that?

It's maybe because I come from a family of fitness fanatics, where people take pride in both their appearance, but also in looking after their fitness too, that I can see it from that angle?

:T Also a good post.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I come from a family where Golden Wedding anniversaries are the norm (if they live that long:() and where people are accepted for the person they are, not their appearance - that's where I'm coming from.

I give up. You and a couple of others on here are simply NOT listening to what the rest of us are saying. Either that, or you are listening, but are just being pedantic.

I'm not wasting any more time explaining it. Fbaby's post said it all. Although many other posters have explained it well too - including Georgie.

Gloomendoom

Pollycat wrote: »

Then as you point out, she's less selfish than I.

Apologies. I didn't mean to imply that you are selfish, although I'll admit it does read that way.

Having said that, what is wrong with doing something to simply to please somebody else?

Gloomendoom

Person_one wrote: »

I believe, very possibly as a result of my upbringing, that how a person looks is usually the least important thing about them.

Generally speaking, I would agree, I don't give two hoots what a person looks like. When choosing a mate however, it is one of the most important things to me.

I doubt I am that unusual.. for a male anyway.

Peter333

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Generally speaking, I would agree, I don't give two hoots what a person looks like. When choosing a mate however, it is one of the most important things to me.

I doubt I am that unusual.. for a male anyway.

I have to agree with you. I think most people will want someone who looks nice and is attractive. Even if they won't admit it.

missbiggles1

Peter333 wrote: »

:T Good post.



:T Also a good post.



I give up. You and a couple of others on here are simply NOT listening to what the rest of us are saying. Either that, or you are listening, but are just being pedantic.

I'm not wasting any more time explaining it. Fbaby's post said it all. Although many other posters have explained it well too - including Georgie.

I'm listening - I'm also disagreeing.:D

Peter333

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'm listening - I'm also disagreeing.:D

You (and a certain other couple of people on here,) don't seem to be 'disagreeing' as much as point blank refusing to listen to what I (and several others are saying...)

And that is that there's a difference between people gradually changing, and gaining weight over several decades (as many do) and someone piling on weight and becoming slovenly and lazy in a short space of time.

Dill

Peter333 wrote: »

You (and a certain other couple of people on here,) don't seem to be 'disagreeing' as much as point blank refusing to listen to what I (and several others are saying...)

And that is that there's a difference between people gradually changing, and gaining weight over several decades (as many do) and someone piling on weight and becoming slovenly and lazy in a short space of time.

If you kiss a frog and he turns into a prince, that's good, but if you kiss a prince and he turns into a frog, not so great.. :rotfl:

missbiggles1

Peter333 wrote: »

You (and a certain other couple of people on here,) don't seem to be 'disagreeing' as much as point blank refusing to listen to what I (and several others are saying...)

And that is that there's a difference between people gradually changing, and gaining weight over several decades (as many do) and someone piling on weight and becoming slovenly and lazy in a short space of time.

The most important point I heard (from you and others) is "I may be shallow but....".

(Although that was one point on which I agreed with you.:D)

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

The most important point I heard (from you and others) is "I may be shallow but....".

(Although that was one point on which I agreed with you.:D)

It's not about being shallow whatsoever. I feel you're totally missing the point.

So, by your logic, a partner can stuff their face, put on weight, slob around, have no respect for themselves, but you'd love, respect and fancy them just as much as before?

System

Personally te whole "lets lose weight together" thig never worked for me. I had an ex who scrutinised everything i ate and always nsisted we eat healithy, it got to the point when when he wasn;t here i;d binge eat. he also told me i had "the potential to look pretty" if i lost some weight. It got to the point where i started thinking why the hell was he with me? Thanlfully he thought the same and dumped me.

My bf now is lets say chubby, He hasn't always been, before me he was actually really slim but he loves mcdonalds and energy drinks :rotfl: it doesn;t bother me though, i love him and find him attractive as he is now, i;d love him and find him attractive if he was a bit heavier and i;d love him and find him attractive if he was skinnier. I myself am overweight (well obese f we are being technical), he loves me and finds me attractive regardless (and has no problems getting aroused, fab sex life thanks!) and he;s not a chubby chaser, he ex was a size 8. I feel relaxed around him, i feel i can be myself, i feel he loves me for who i am not what i look like.

I do plan to lose weight, but now for several reasons is not a practical time to do so. I know he'd love me no mater what so i don;t feel the pressure to constantly hate myself to try and fit his ideals.