Stil in love but no physical attraction

Detroit

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Yes, I agree, you'd have thought so wouldn't you?

Re your first paragraph, as marisco says, a relationship of that long a standing should be able to take some honest straight talking. It always amazes me how people won't talk openly and honestly with their partners. I'm obviously not suggesting going in heavy handed, but rather with a diplomatic approach. If he doesn't though, what's he meant to do, just carry on and cross his fingers and hope for the best?

No, I wouldn't say that. I'd advise him to make his own decision on whether to say something or not, based on his knowledge of his wife, and how hurtful this might be, and his own feelings about how important this is to him.

I don't think the posters on here who don't share his point of view were necessarily telling him he shouldn't do or say anything.
For the most part I think those people, myself included, were just trying to help him get things into perspective. In the scheme of things, a long relationship, an otherwise much loved partner, is this so important?
My own view is that it wouldn't be. However, I'm not the OP.

People on here have given a range of perspectives, including pointing out how this may feel for his wife, and offering suggestions as in Andypandyboys excellent post on how he might approach this from another angle.

Like everyone who posts on here, the OP may see something that strikes a chord or he may disregard all views but his own. That's obviously his choice.

As others have said this has sparked an interesting debate, and I've enjoyed it greatly.:)

Gloomendoom

Detroit wrote: »

Well they wouldn't be would they? Unless they share the views of the people on here you disagree with.

I'm sure that makes sense to you.

Georgiegirl256

Detroit wrote: »

.
For the most part I think those people, myself included, were just trying to help him get things into perspective. In the scheme of things, a long relationship, an otherwise much loved partner, is this so important?.
.:)

It can be yes. Like you say though, it would bother some people, but others not. If it's causing problems in the relationship, then yes IMO it is important.

Detroit

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I'm sure that makes sense to you.

You responded to my wondering if people who set a high bar for a partners physical appearance are attractive themselves, by asking why would it matter if the partner was happy.

The whole thread is about not someone not being happy if a partner is unattractive/less attractive, with you sharing this view.
Surely then if your partner found you less attractive they wouldn't be happy?

Setting rigorous standards for a partners attractiveness is surely only an option for those who are very attractive themselves, or who are lucky enough to meet an attractive person who doesn't find looks important.

Detroit

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

It can be yes. Like you say though, it would bother some people, but others not. If it's causing problems in the relationship, then yes IMO it is important.

That's assuming it's the woman's appearance that's causing the problems though. The other side to the argument is that it's his attitude to it that's the issue.

I don't think there's going to be any consensus on this!

Georgiegirl256

Detroit wrote: »

That's assuming it's the woman's appearance that's causing the problems though. The other side to the argument is that it's his attitude to it that's the issue.

I don't think there's going to be any consensus on this!

Well, we can agree on that!

It is the woman's appearance that is causing the problem though, hence the reason for the thread! I do see where you're coming from in that if you twist the whole scenario around, but as it was the husband who posted it, that's what we are replying to.

It's unlikely that he'd change his views (attraction is what it is), so therefore it would be down to her to change things.