Stil in love but no physical attraction

Peter333

Gloomendoom wrote: »

If you were male, like the OP, I suspect that you might be in the minority.

firebird082 wrote: »

I've rather come to the conclusion that I'm in the minority whichever gender you look at! Makes me feel a bit sad for everyone else though. Life must be so much harder when someone else has to fit your ideals of 'good looking'.

I really do struggle to fathom how someone is 100% not bothered by looks. Surely everyone has a 'type.' I think someone's appearance is very important. Virtually as important as personality.

Gloomendoom

Pollycat wrote: »

If I decided not to keep myself fit and well groomed, I would be selfish and inconsiderate of my husband's feelings.

So you aren't really doing it just for you then?

Pollycat wrote: »

As for my shape & weight, I really do do it for ME.
I want to look & feel good - and that also means feeling healthy - for ME.

Gloomendoom

Peter333 wrote: »

I really do struggle to fathom how someone is 100% not bothered by looks. Surely everyone has a 'type.' I think someone's appearance is very important. Virtually as important as personality.

Absolutely, but as Firebird pointed out, it does make it harder to find a (long term?) partner. You need to find that person with the precise combination of looks and personality that you find attractive.

firebird082

Peter333 wrote: »

I really do struggle to fathom how someone is 100% not bothered by looks. Surely everyone has a 'type.' I think someone's appearance is very important. Virtually as important as personality.

And I struggle to understand how looks can be as important as personality! Particularly since if looks were that important to everyone, surely no 'conventionally ugly' people would ever have a relationship?!

It was a total mystery to me as a teenager that friends would point out 'good looking' people on the street. I simply don't see people that way. What an interesting discussion. Although in reply to Gloomendoom, my views didn't make it any quicker for me to meet my life partner, in fact, maybe harder because my pool of potential people was larger! :rotfl:

Lambyr

I don't think anyone's saying looks are as important as personality. An incredibly beautiful/handsome person with the personality of an aggressive stoat is obviously going to have more difficulties in staying in a healthy relationship that someone whose looks have less of a "wow" factor.

And I think that you can begin to find someone more attractive based on their personality than their looks.

But I don't think it should be too shocking that people will be drawn to those that they are physically attracted to. I also don't really think there's such a thing as "ugly" because we don't all find the same people physically attractive. Sure there's some people who are near-universally regarded as beautiful or handsome but even they aren't fancied by everybody!

I seriously doubt I'm the prettiest girl my girlfriend has ever seen. I have a couple of moles, a strange birthmark, eczema on my hand, couple of scars. They're all imperfections. But I believe our strong friendship does trump those imperfections... at the same time though, I'd actually be quite shocked and maybe even a little hurt if she didn't find me physically attractive.

It's a balance, I think, for most people. But if you're different in that regard, then that's great! Two people being happy together is the most important thing.

Pollycat

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Exactly!! That's what people are saying! :rotfl:

No.

Gloomendoom is saying it's selfish that I do it for myself, not for me and my husband - as per his relationship.

missbiggles1

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Why? People have type of physicalities they are attracted to, if a long term relationship broke up/ended people would revert back to the type when dating again. In a long term relationship you can still be attracted to other people, you dont close down your range of whats attractive to how your partner looks?

I don't think that's really true.

Lots of women might say they're attracted to big hunky men and then settle down with a 10 stone weakling who makes them laugh and just "gets" them. In fact, I doubt if many of us could look back over a chequered dating history and say that everybody we've had relationships with have all been the same physical type.

FBaby

I really do struggle to fathom how someone is 100% not bothered by looks.

It's not even looks per se but the expression of one's personality through their physical features. I am not and never have been attracted to the supposed good looking personalities. Beckham and Depp have never done it for me at all. However, a man who smiles with his eyes, show some cheekiness, but also some shyness is going to be good looking to me. I used to be attracted to tall men, but I then realised that it wasn't height that I found attractive but a man who can stand tall in his posture. Most importantly, I am attracted to healthy looking man because it means that they are much more likely to be healthy inside.

I have never been physically attracted to an overweight man...but do find the guy on 'the chase' TV programme quite sexy. There's something about him, I think it is his intelligence, his confidence and his humour but also some kind of mystery about him and his features reflect these.

Gloomendoom

missbiggles1 wrote: »

In fact, I doubt if many of us could look back over a chequered dating history and say that everybody we've had relationships with have all been the same physical type.

I could. I really am that fussy.

Although, I suppose it does depend on how finely you define a 'physical type'. If you looked at a line-up of my previous partners and girlfriends, they would all quite obviously share particular features that I find attractive. I hasten to add that I don't use any form of checklist to assess suitability or a points system, it is all subconscious, possibly even unconscious.

Detroit

Gloomendoom wrote: »

What does it matter as long as the partners are happy?

Well they wouldn't be would they? Unless they share the views of the people on here you disagree with.