Stil in love but no physical attraction

missbiggles1

woohoo wrote: »

It is a lot more complicated than this. Illness is one thing. Growing older, putting on a few pounds (and all that comes with growing older) is inevitable.

Drinking two bottles of wine a night, seconds for dinner, nibbles and getting fat is another. This is what the OP originally stated. If there is no 'medical cause' then clearly there are other reasons. This may be unhappiness with the relationship or other area in life, lack of confidence, mental health issues, addiction to alcohol, lack of care about the relationship etc etc. These are just examples - there are many more. People can just slip into these patterns of behaviour without realising sometimes. Always opening a bottle with dinner etc.

Most of those are also health issues.

Mojisola

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

But if the physical appearance isn't attractive then you're not going to be attracted to it as much surely?

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It?:eek:..

I read 'it' to mean 'physical appearance', not the other person.

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It?:eek:..

By it, I meant the appearance. You're not going to be as attracted to the appearance. Trust you to pick up on the slightest little thing!

Edit: cross posted with Mojisola, exactly what I meant, glad someone could see that!

woohoo

I said medical cause not health issues and I mean a medical cause for gaining weight such as hypothyroidism or medications which cause weight gain.

missbiggles1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

By it, I meant the appearance. You're not going to be as attracted to the appearance. Trust you to pick up on the slightest little thing!

Edit: cross posted with Mojisola, exactly what I meant, glad someone could see that!

I knew what you meant - I was simply highlighting the way you were objectifying the person you were supposed to love by only being attracted to their physical appearance rather than to the whole, real person.

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I knew what you meant - I was simply highlighting the way you were objectifying the person you were supposed to love by only being attracted to their physical appearance rather than to the whole, real person.

I think we're at crossed wires, or you're just deliberately being obtuse?

Not once did I say that I was only attracted to his physical appearance. But, if a physical appearance on anyone is not as appealing, then it does and can kill sexual desire....which, and correct me if I'm wrong, is what this thread is all about.

Peter333

woohoo wrote: »

I am a woman and I see the point of the OP.

I am also turned off by fat. I don't mean a few pounds here. I mean when people have extra 'bits of body' hanging off them. It is not healthy and I certainly do not find it attractive. That is my personal opinion. Does this make me shallow? I don't think so. I picked a bloke who cares about what he looks like and makes an effort to keep healthy. Yes, we both gain a few pounds here and there, but we take action to get rid!! We all have likes and dislikes and preferences about partners and what we find attractive.

Hope you can sort it.

:T

Person_one wrote: »

I truly hope you never have to discover all the many ways in which your health and body can betray you and change the way you look and feel far beyond your control. I hope that if that ever does happen to either you or your 'bloke', that you are able to realise how little the way you look actually matters.

Dill wrote: »

..but what if it is something she has control over, and it's genuinely bothering him?

EXACTLY Dill. I have no idea why Person One is going on about 'what if a health problem causes your appearance to change and so on and so on......'

That ISN'T what this thread is about.

Why do people move the goalposts to suit their agenda?

Andypandyboy

Surely, couples don't expect to remain the same as when they met, ageing is inevitable. Physical changes happen, be they weight, greying, balding etc. The outward appearance is the shell of the person, not the heart of them.

Are people saying that because weight can be controlled then that is fair game in the loss of attractiveness stakes? So, if your partner goes bald you could put up with that or if they go grey, or lose their teeth, that would be coped with? Is there a sliding scale of what is acceptable?

Peter333

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Surely, couples don't expect to remain the same as when they met, ageing is inevitable. Physical changes happen, be they weight, greying, balding etc. The outward appearance is the shell of the person, not the heart of them.

Are people saying that because weight can be controlled then that is fair game in the loss of attractiveness stakes? So, if your partner goes bald you could put up with that or if they go grey, or lose their teeth, that would be coped with? Is there a sliding scale of what is acceptable?

LOL good point I guess.

However, I guess if one starts to lose their looks sooner, and the other isn't attracted to them anymore; that's when the issues start.

And going grey, gradually losing teeth, going bald etc are all natural ageing processes that will usually happen to people at (roughly) the same time as their partner... But if someone gains 5-6 stone within 10 years (say before the couple hit 40,) then that's not a 'natural' change is it really? I mean, it could be prevented........ Many people simply do not find 'fat' attractive. Shallow it may be, but it's the way it is.......

cyantist

I think so to an extent - it's about trying and caring about yourself for your own sake and that of your partner. If my husband sat drinking 2 bottles of wine a night, stuffing his face, and didn't want to join me in any attempt to get fit, I would find that wholly unattractive. To go from someone who does bother, exercises, and take cares of himself would mean he had changed a lot as a person, regardless of his appearance.

I'd certainly be looking for reasons why that change might have happened though.