mother in Law grrrrr!!!!

maman

Pollycat wrote: »

I too thought the OP'S last post was silly and unnecessary.

I feel really sorry for the OP's OH who is caught in the middle of this mess.

mumps wrote: »

dodo01 your attitude to people have posted makes me sympathise with your husband and MIL. Are you always so unpleasant?

dodo01 wrote: »

Yes thank you we sorted it out. My poor husband (who is so cruelly treated by his nasty wife, who hates her mother in law and has no idea how to post on such a clicky tit for tat message board) spoke to her. I appreciate the insight into this site. The fact you say it used to be wonderful is so very sad.I didn't realise what I had gotten myself into! Dear god never again My intentions were not to upset anyone just stick up for myself and not have people who only had a snippet of my life take an inch and run 5000 bleeding miles with it. Anyhoo that's me-done. I will never darken these peoples doorsteps ever again. I have to tootle off now to my volunteering work cause contrary to what the other long standing members on here think I am actually quite a nice person. Quite :beer: See ya wouldn't wanna be ya-no really!

Although you wouldn't know because you don't normally frequent boards like this your response is hugely typical. You've been unpleasant and sarcastic to posters who disagree with you. Your tantrums have been successful to an extent because you've now got your DH to intervene and take your side against his mother. And then you flounce off promising never to post again!


Your MIL will understand that some dads will give in just to get a bit of peace even if they don't agree. She'll have seen it many times during her teaching career.

pollyanna24

dodo01 wrote: »

It said on the letter she read in his book bag that it wasn't ticketed and it was on a first come first serve basis. She just seem to think she has the 'right' to be there. She can't be ar-sed with him normally. He is far too mush hassle. She'd rather go off on holidays at every given moment and just have all the nice stuff no babysitting etc. :mad:

How did she get hold of the letter in his book bag before you did?

pollyanna24

dodo01 wrote: »

He isn't four he is nearly ten..... He knows the whole family 'needs' to attend because he is a bright boy that knows that the other 4 grandparents don't know about it and its only Gran who is going..... It's not ticketed it's a first come first served event. At ten years old children also pick up when Gran doesn't like the much younger women who took her husband away.

What on earth is this about? Who is the younger woman that took the Gran's husband away?

sheramber

I wish my MIL had shown more interest on my children's lives.

Although I had little time for her I always included her but she wasn't interested.

I think the relationship with grandparents is an important and special one.

missbiggles1

pollyanna24 wrote: »

What on earth is this about? Who is the younger woman that took the Gran's husband away?

"The other woman" - apparently everybody in the family should love her!

System

OP you come across as a petulant but controlling child !

ska_lover

How very lovely it must be for your son to have such a large amount of family who care so much that they are falling over each other to see him in a school play.

pollypenny

I hope to god my DIL doesn't view me like this, dismissing anything I might say or do as I'm 'an ex-teacher'.

We're going to the States to help out while she has to travel. Although, we'd love to be able to attend concerts and help out with regular babysitting.

For the poor MIL in the OP, she is obviously enjoying her only grandchild. And the OP grudges her that.

splishsplash

I felt obliged to reply to you, (splishsplash) it would be rather rude not to. I apologise for my ignorance. There I am thinking my son has an understanding of our family through his own eyes and mind. I had no inclination he or any other 9-10 year old weren't wired up that way yet.
Your obvious degree in child psychology and the anatomy of the brain years 9-10(boys only?) has now opened my eyes to the fact that I haven't had a clue in regards to my wonderfully bright, intelligent and emotionally aware child. I must have a chat later with him and explain he cannot have any views or opinions until, um????? When would you say? Purleease :rotfl:

No need to apologise and my degree did indeed include psychology and anatomy.

My point though, is that your son would not conclude that Gran wasn't happy to spend time with the 'much younger' woman who stole her husband because that is not how mature family members explain relationships to young children.
It sounds bitter and cynical (not to mention a little disingenuous but we won't go there); not the usual mindset of a nine year old.

It's difficult to deal with people we don't like, but most of us tend to muddle along quite well. Perhaps when you feel a little calmer, you could re-read some of the comments you've made about your MIL and your reaction to her mentioning to your husband that she would see him at the play. You clearly don't like her very much, resent that she doesn't babysit your son, begrudge her holidays and find her 'snooty'.

It's true you have the advantage of a 15 year relationship with this woman, we only have what you give us. Your comment about usual daughter/MIL relationships is a little misguided though - plenty of us have excellent relationships with in-laws and ex-in-laws.

I wish your son the best in his play. It's nice for him to have a gran who loves him and wants to support him. Not being obligated to babysit and enjoying the nice bits of his childhood is exactly what makes being a grandparent great.

Pollycat

dodo01 wrote: »

Yes thank you we sorted it out. My poor husband (who is so cruelly treated by his nasty wife, who hates her mother in law and has no idea how to post on such a clicky tit for tat message board) spoke to her. I appreciate the insight into this site. The fact you say it used to be wonderful is so very sad.I didn't realise what I had gotten myself into! Dear god never again My intentions were not to upset anyone just stick up for myself and not have people who only had a snippet of my life take an inch and run 5000 bleeding miles with it. Anyhoo that's me-done. I will never darken these peoples doorsteps ever again. I have to tootle off now to my volunteering work cause contrary to what the other long standing members on here think I am actually quite a nice person. Quite :beer: See ya wouldn't wanna be ya-no really!

Not clicky (sic) at all.
Just a number of random strangers who happen to share the same opinion. An opinion that is totally opposite to yours.

Don't you think your final sentence is extremely childish?

bossymoo wrote: »

I used to have a bit of an uncomfortable relationship with my MIL. Well, one aspect of it anyway. She had very fixed opinions especially when the babies arrived and basically bought everything we could need and removed a lot of choice (or so I felt at the time).

Then my husband got really sick. As in terminal. He'd always asked me to let it go. If she brought something I didn't want, just give it away. Why stress over it? If she told me how to feed the baby just nod, agree, and do what I knew worked. No need to get anxious about it.

He was absolutely right. During his illness all of these "irritants" became just petty annoyances and I saw it for what it was. She loved him, and the children dearly. And she loved me too. And she saw how I took care of him, and knew I loved him with all my heart.

Now we're almost 5yrs further on, and she is like another mum to me. Yes, she still buys "stuff" and wants to be with the children as much as possible - but it's because she loves us and is proud of us. Not because she's trying to control us.

I see her very differently these days - and all it really took was the realisation that I had let these niggles blow up in my mind. It's true you cannot change how others behave, but you can change how you react to them...

Bossymoo - what a lovely post. :T