mother in Law grrrrr!!!!

Marvel1

dodo01 wrote: »

It said on the letter she read in his book bag that it wasn't ticketed and it was on a first come first serve basis. She just seem to think she has the 'right' to be there. She can't be ar-sed with him normally. He is far too mush hassle. She'd rather go off on holidays at every given moment and just have all the nice stuff no babysitting etc. :mad:

So you would expect her to babysit?

dodo01 wrote: »

So this is my first time in the family section of M.S.E forum (usually in the house buying etc) so I am hoping for some unbiased advice and opinions please......

[P.S. You need to agree with me

That better.

lulu_92

pelirocco wrote: »

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And whats wrong with that? I baby sit occasionally , tbh My children rarely ask, but then they are l like i was , if we went out it was mainly as a family.
I really dont understand why you want to exclude her

To be fair my MIL keeps offering to babysit our babies, but seeing her lack of desire to do anything (feed, change nappies, etc) except hold them when they're asleep I don't think I'll be taking her up on the offer anytime soon!

Andypandyboy

lulu_92 wrote: »

To be fair my MIL keeps offering to babysit our babies, but seeing her lack of desire to do anything (feed, change nappies, etc) except hold them when they're asleep I don't think I'll be taking her up on the offer anytime soon!

I can't imagine she would leave them hungry or soiled whilst they were in her care though can you? I assume she managed to do what was needed to be done for her son? Perhaps she thinks she may be overstepping the mark attempting to do those things whilst you were there?;)

pigpen

As a mother I would never, unless an emergency, ask my mother to look after my children.. she loves them, and me, but she doesn't like looking after children... that included her own! OH's mother would have a breakdown with our 4 y/o and lives too far away anyway.

As a grandmother, I won't offer to have the children, I love to see them and do have my daughters son every Tuesday after nursery while she is at uni.. I am supporting her learning not 'childcare' in my eyes.

She won't be around forever and going to school events to support her grandson is how she is showing her love for him.. she is giving him her time and praise, how can that be wrong?? Would you prefer she ignored these events? I truly wish my family would make the effort and I know without a doubt OH's family would be at these things in a flash if they lived close enough.

I think you should learn to appreciate the good things she brings to her grandsons life, or tolerate it at least and be an adult about it.. Very much as Bossymoo said.. learn to appreciate the gift you have in having her in your life, it is much easier having a positive relationship with the inlaws.

I think my son and daughter in-laws think I am an interfering beast.. but I offer my opinion whether asked for or not and back off.. I help them out if I can.. I give advice when asked for.. and provide possible solutions to problems.. I think (hope) they both like me.. my SIL wanted to name their daughter after me so I think he does.. and my DIL just comes round to see us so I think she does too..

Marvel1

Andypandyboy wrote: »

I can't imagine she would leave them hungry or soiled whilst they were in her care though can you? I assume she managed to do what was needed to be done for her son? Perhaps she thinks she may be overstepping the mark attempting to do those things whilst you were there?;)

That's the way I see it, I'm like this with my niece and nephew, parents with them they do it, I have them on my own I will do it.

*Robin*

cjdavies wrote: »

That's the way I see it, I'm like this with my niece and nephew, parents with them they do it, I have them on my own I will do it.

Yes, me too.

Pollycat

cjdavies wrote: »

That's the way I see it, I'm like this with my niece and nephew, parents with them they do it, I have them on my own I will do it.

Oh No!:eek:

My (much younger) sister said (not totally seriously) 'x child needs nappy changing'.

My response was 'I'm 52 years old and have not changed a nappy yet and I don't intend to start now'.

Robisere

I would just like to add to my earlier post, that we have our 11 year old dgd for a 'sleepover' every 2 or 3 weeks, if our dd gives permission. We love this, so does dgd, usually a Friday or Saturday night, stretching to next day and a day out. When my wife has been off on a day with dd, I have taken dgd out myself. Nothing, but nothing, beats the feel of her hand in mine and her questions about everything she sees. We have done this with all 4 gradbrats now and it is probably why we get hugs and a kiss from them all, whenever we meet or leave them. The others are 22, 19 and 17 and they are all equally affectionate, we are lucky.

I cannot tell you how absolutely down we would both feel without this close contact and love from our family. I feel really, really sorry for your MIL, irrespective of whose "fault" this may be. Have you considered that your MIL is one of those people unable to take or give love, with no way to explain why to others? To my mind, your son is the one missing something, not you.

EDIT: I am 71 years old and I have changed nappies when required for kids and their kids, up to the age of 60, what is the problem?

Stripeybat

Well, I have nothing useful whatsoever to add.

But I just wanted to say, Bossymoo... this was a beautiful post and really struck a chord with me. I'm glad you have your MIL by your side.

bossymoo wrote: »

I used to have a bit of an uncomfortable relationship with my MIL. Well, one aspect of it anyway. She had very fixed opinions especially when the babies arrived and basically bought everything we could need and removed a lot of choice (or so I felt at the time).

Then my husband got really sick. As in terminal. He'd always asked me to let it go. If she brought something I didn't want, just give it away. Why stress over it? If she told me how to feed the baby just nod, agree, and do what I knew worked. No need to get anxious about it.

He was absolutely right. During his illness all of these "irritants" became just petty annoyances and I saw it for what it was. She loved him, and the children dearly. And she loved me too. And she saw how I took care of him, and knew I loved him with all my heart.

Now we're almost 5yrs further on, and she is like another mum to me. Yes, she still buys "stuff" and wants to be with the children as much as possible - but it's because she loves us and is proud of us. Not because she's trying to control us.

I see her very differently these days - and all it really took was the realisation that I had let these niggles blow up in my mind. It's true you cannot change how others behave, but you can change how you react to them...

lulu_92

Good points, but when I'm feeding one baby and the other one that she's holding needs changing I do not expect her to hold the baby out to me saying "She needs changing, I did my duty of nappy changes 30 years ago" when she could have done it to help me. Having two is different, if both need feeding or changing its only logical for someone to help you if possible.

My mum sees these things as part of the baby package, so not only does she do it to help, she will often jump at the opportunity to give one a bottle or something, so maybe my view of what is normal is a bit skewed because of this?