mother in Law grrrrr!!!!

bossymoo

I used to have a bit of an uncomfortable relationship with my MIL. Well, one aspect of it anyway. She had very fixed opinions especially when the babies arrived and basically bought everything we could need and removed a lot of choice (or so I felt at the time).

Then my husband got really sick. As in terminal. He'd always asked me to let it go. If she brought something I didn't want, just give it away. Why stress over it? If she told me how to feed the baby just nod, agree, and do what I knew worked. No need to get anxious about it.

He was absolutely right. During his illness all of these "irritants" became just petty annoyances and I saw it for what it was. She loved him, and the children dearly. And she loved me too. And she saw how I took care of him, and knew I loved him with all my heart.

Now we're almost 5yrs further on, and she is like another mum to me. Yes, she still buys "stuff" and wants to be with the children as much as possible - but it's because she loves us and is proud of us. Not because she's trying to control us.

I see her very differently these days - and all it really took was the realisation that I had let these niggles blow up in my mind. It's true you cannot change how others behave, but you can change how you react to them...

tea_lover

The woman can't win - if she shows an interest in school events she's interfering, if she babysits she's taking over from the OP and her own mother, if she goes on holiday she's disinterested. Fair play to her for sticking with it and putting her relationship with her grandson ahead of her own discomfort on having to see her ex and the woman he left her for, and her spiteful DIL.

dodo01

mumps wrote: »

You are so wrong, have a look at some of what you said, alot worse.

I just have and I agree I am a disgrace you are so right mumps. Thank you for pointing out the error of my ways. When I next want to reply to posts claiming to know the in's and it's of my child psych I will not respond.

I didn't realise that typing also relays the tone of ones posting. Maybe I should become a keyboard warrior too! Sit here post 1000's of posts and become a proper member with a proper opinion. As I have said I asked I got and wow what a friendly bunch you are. :T

ibizafan_2

My only grandchild lives in Australia. I don't suppose I'll ever get much chance to attend her school events, so be thankful for those who are able to. Even my own mum at 85 can irritate the hell out of me sometimes, but I remind myself that she is my mum, and won't be around for ever. I would be upset if I thought my son's partner felt the same about me as you do about your MIL.

isitenough

And this thread is the very real reason I'd never post on this forum asking for advice. Very judgemental replying to the OP. Shame. This site used to be wonderful.

Hope you sorted the situation to satisfy ALL involved with minimal damage.

IMO the only person who should be asked if they want grandparents - heck even parents! - to be at things he does is the child involved. At that age he's old enough to have an opinion on HIS school activities. And it should be respected (within reason obviously). (as a shy child I would have been mortified if my grandparents just invited themselves to things, the less people I knew in the audience the better!).

On a final note, the MIL should not just invite herself. That is the crux of the issue I see. Respect works both ways....
Now I shall butt out....

mumps

dodo01 wrote: »

I just have and I agree I am a disgrace you are so right mumps. Thank you for pointing out the error of my ways. When I next want to reply to posts claiming to know the in's and it's of my child psych I will not respond.

I didn't realise that typing also relays the tone of ones posting. Maybe I should become a keyboard warrior too! Sit here post 1000's of posts and become a proper member with a proper opinion. As I have said I asked I got and wow what a friendly bunch you are. :T

I think you did get some friendly useful advice but you were really nasty to people. If you want to give it you need to be able to take it. People not agreeing with you doesn't mean they aren't friendly, it is actually easier just to agree with people but Andypandyboy as an example gave you a thoughtful reply and you were just rude.

Good luck when you are a MIL.

dodo01

isitenough wrote: »

And this thread is the very real reason I'd never post on this forum asking for advice. Very judgemental replying to the OP. Shame. This site used to be wonderful.

Hope you sorted the situation to satisfy ALL involved with minimal damage.

Yes thank you we sorted it out. My poor husband (who is so cruelly treated by his nasty wife, who hates her mother in law and has no idea how to post on such a clicky tit for tat message board) spoke to her. I appreciate the insight into this site. The fact you say it used to be wonderful is so very sad.I didn't realise what I had gotten myself into! Dear god never again My intentions were not to upset anyone just stick up for myself and not have people who only had a snippet of my life take an inch and run 5000 bleeding miles with it. Anyhoo that's me-done. I will never darken these peoples doorsteps ever again. I have to tootle off now to my volunteering work cause contrary to what the other long standing members on here think I am actually quite a nice person. Quite :beer: See ya wouldn't wanna be ya-no really!

pinkshoes

On the basis that your son does not want lots of family there, then I would be politely letting her know this, but say you will let her know how he gets on.

This just sounds like someone who wants to be involved with her only grandchild, so just embrace it rather than get stressed by it.

pelirocco

dodo01 wrote: »

It said on the letter she read in his book bag that it wasn't ticketed and it was on a first come first serve basis. She just seem to think she has the 'right' to be there. She can't be ar-sed with him normally. He is far too mush hassle. She'd rather go off on holidays at every given moment and just have all the nice stuff no babysitting etc. :mad:

And whats wrong with that? I baby sit occasionally , tbh My children rarely ask, but then they are l like i was , if we went out it was mainly as a family.
I really dont understand why you want to exclude her

pelirocco

dodo01 wrote: »

It said on the letter she read in his book bag that it wasn't ticketed and it was on a first come first serve basis. She just seem to think she has the 'right' to be there. She can't be ar-sed with him normally. He is far too mush hassle. She'd rather go off on holidays at every given moment and just have all the nice stuff no babysitting etc. :mad:

dodo01 wrote: »

Yes thank you we sorted it out. My poor husband (who is so cruelly treated by his nasty wife, who hates her mother in law and has no idea how to post on such a clicky tit for tat message board) spoke to her. I appreciate the insight into this site. The fact you say it used to be wonderful is so very sad.I didn't realise what I had gotten myself into! Dear god never again My intentions were not to upset anyone just stick up for myself and not have people who only had a snippet of my life take an inch and run 5000 bleeding miles with it. Anyhoo that's me-done. I will never darken these peoples doorsteps ever again. I have to tootle off now to my volunteering work cause contrary to what the other long standing members on here think I am actually quite a nice person. Quite :beer: See ya wouldn't wanna be ya-no really!

Aha ....If only you had said we would have given you the link for the '' I only want posts that agree with me forum''