finding a break up really hard

burlington6

carlosevenos wrote: »

Yeah that thought is really hard to take. I think she met him the weekend before she dumped me though as she went out that night whilst I was away. She didn't really have time to be with someone else long term I think as we were always together.
Ultimately it doesn't matter, she'd be with someone who wasn't me eventually. It just hurts so much. I can't get rid of the pain, I still love and want to be with her. I tried drinking a lot recently, but the pain never goes. I don't feel like I care about anything in life anymore without her. I know this sounds pathetic and all. I really wanted to marry her. And she was always insecure about me going off with another younger woman later down the line, but no matter how unhappy I was I'd never leave her as I cared about her deeply and wouldn't want to hurt her.
Just feels like I've gone backwards in life now. I just want to see her again and talk to her, and its crushing.
Its like a crying baby who wants their mother, but the mother never comes. It's hard. And yeah Ii have had a few drinks tonight. So hard not being with her[/QUOTE]

You sound like one of her children, not her lover.

Find someone younger with the same mental age as you because you aren't mature enough to deal with this woman

carlosevenos

burlington6 wrote: »

carlosevenos wrote: »

Yeah that thought is really hard to take. I think she met him the weekend before she dumped me though as she went out that night whilst I was away. She didn't really have time to be with someone else long term I think as we were always together.
Ultimately it doesn't matter, she'd be with someone who wasn't me eventually. It just hurts so much. I can't get rid of the pain, I still love and want to be with her. I tried drinking a lot recently, but the pain never goes. I don't feel like I care about anything in life anymore without her. I know this sounds pathetic and all. I really wanted to marry her. And she was always insecure about me going off with another younger woman later down the line, but no matter how unhappy I was I'd never leave her as I cared about her deeply and wouldn't want to hurt her.
Just feels like I've gone backwards in life now. I just want to see her again and talk to her, and its crushing.
Its like a crying baby who wants their mother, but the mother never comes. It's hard. And yeah Ii have had a few drinks tonight. So hard not being with her[/QUOTE]

You sound like one of her children, not her lover.

Find someone younger with the same mental age as you because you aren't mature enough to deal with this woman

I was drunk when I wrote that. That isn't how feel it was just an anology

carlosevenos

Izzy8484 wrote: »

That was the first thing I picked up as well. This woman is a mother and it is sad enough that the children are living apart from her for whatever reason but they should really be a massive part of her life and you should be fine with that.

I dont think the two of you are compatible anyway then.

I don't really believe that, I was just trying to convince myself maybe it wasn't right. I couldn't care less if she has children, no knock on her. I met her son, and we got along ok, but never met her daughter

carlosevenos

yvonne13 wrote: »

Now you sound pathetic, needy and an immature mummys boy.. If you think it's okay to be in an unhappy relationship then you have a lot of growing up to do. And by the way you can only go backward if you went forward which from your own words you never did. Showing her that you're still a waste of her time is doing wonders!!!!

It was an analogy, I don't really believe that. I was a bit drunk when I wrote that.
I'm not usually needy, but I've become that way. Yeah I have a lot of growing up to do. But yeah I do feel like I've gone backwards being at home again

carlosevenos

to be honest I know I have flaws and wrote a few things on here that I didn't really believe, but I was here for a bit of advise. Don't really want to get insulted. You guys don't know me, so you shouldn't judge me so quickly. Yeah I've wrote a few needy things, but I'm finding it hard to take. She probably is too mature for me after all, but I taught her a lot of things she was naive to when I was with her, and we got along really well.
Yeah I let myself down when I was with her and made several mistakes. Most of the time, with the way I behaved and inability to handle my alcohol, but for the most part I was a caring bf, who looked after her when she was going through tough times. Maybe she looked after me a lot more than I did her, but like people have said I have a lot of growing up to do.
I just need to get that drive back and work on myself, even though I haven't got much get up and go anymore, so this doesn't happen again.

I know a lot of people go through this, and I'm not alone, but I've never really been a confident person, so a break up was always going to be painful for me. It was one thing being left, but its harder to take she's already in someone else's arms. I just didn't see it coming, so it was/is a massive shock for me. I got comfortable in the relationship, and she didn't communicate with me enough about how she really felt

piglet74

I think, for her, this possibly started out as just a fling, a bit of fun, something to make her feel young again, good about herself, and it just spiralled out of control, and you ended up living together.

At this moment in time, back home is the best place for you, you are too immature to be anywhere else.

Allow yourself to get over this relationship, before you embark on another. It would be very unfair of you to unleash this side of you onto anyone else.

carlosevenos

yeah your probably right. She probably thought "!!!!!! am i doing" when she became a grandma a couple months ago, and probably internally mulled it over for months, and came to the decision to end it.

At least I can begin to understand it. I think if I was just more mature and looked after her better we'd still be together but who knows, I messed up.

I'm clearly not a mature 29 year old from my posts, and I needed to be really mature to make up the big age gap, considering most of the time it's usually the woman who go after older men. For all I know she could be going out with a 50 year old now, which would be a world of difference from me. She told me that I'm the first bf she had that was younger than her, so it says a lot.

Maybe I should see a doctor though, as I'm not mentally dealing with this well. I think I just fear I won't find someone again as she was my first relationship. Your right though, I need to sort myself out and my confidence as it's wrong to put this on someone else. Ii have to somehow learn from all the mistakes I made, but just wish I could have stepped up in the past like I should have done

Primrose

It's time to stop beating yourself up. We all make mistakes. If you widen your social circle it will also help you learn more about interacting with others and how to manage a wider variety of different relationships to get the best out of them.


Also try to find situations where you have to take some responsibility for something. This will help you to understand the wider picture where you are responsible in some way for other people rather than just yourself. This might be in some kind of voluntary organisation perhaps.


Where are you living now? Are you back living with your parents? If so, try starting with them and trying to do more in terms of accepting responsibility for domestic issues like laundry, occasionally cooking, house cleaning, food shopping etc. It seems as if you may have led a fairly sheltered life where others have taken responsibility for your needs, and changing this situation will perhaps give you a wider perspective on what a future partner might be expecting from you as your contribution to any relationship.

carlosevenos

yeah im living back with my mum. Yeah I'm going to have to start taking more responsibilty for myself and my mum. I think for the most part I have been babied in life. I started off in the relationship doing things that I should have done, but then got comfortable and took a back seat. Need to learn from my mistakes, just wish i could see her again. But I'll use this pain to drive me forward hopefully. thanks

Primrose

Right! Project "New You" starts today!

Every night before you go to sleep try and remember three things you have done to become a more mature and responsible individual.
Start with looking out for your mum, but look for opportunities with work colleagues and friends too. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Once you get into the habit of measuring yourself against some kind of daily checklist you will hopefully find that your natural behaviour starts to change.
And going into the future you will probably find there's an unexpected spin off to this in that future possible girlfriends may start looking on you as nice responsible guy to go out with!