finding a break up really hard

carlosevenos

hey guys, I'm new to this forum, and I'm not really sure if this is the place to post this as I know this forum is mostly about saving money, but haven't had many places to turn to, so I thought I'd try here.

I was going out with a girl/women for 3 years, and she was the love of my life, as I know it. We had our ups and downs over that time, but I always felt that we related to one another well and were on the same wavelength.

There was a big age gap between us. I'm 29 and she's 43 years old. She has 2 children. One being 15 and the other 22, so things were always awkward, but we lived together and they lived elsewhere so didn't have to affect our relationship.

We had been living together for 2 years and then out of the blue, she just tells me that she doesn't feel the same way anymore. I was stunned as I didn't really see any signs of this. But I suppose they say love is blind. She told me she didn't know the reason, but said she just doesn't feel it anymore and kept referring to the age gap. Saying things like we're not compatible. But I know the real reason. She must have lost attraction for me, because she dealt with the age gap for the previous years.
However her son did just have a child making her a grandma a couple months prior. When that happened she kept asking me questions like "do you want to be with a grandma?".

A couple weeks later I bump into her and says that she is seeing someone else, so no doubt she was setting this up before leaving me.

I'm absolutely heartbroken and I just don't know what to do, as I want her back so much, but I know it won't happen.

3 months have passed and I still have the gut wrenching feeling that wont go away. Every night I pray that she will come back to me, but I know in reality it's long over, but have a hard time moving on.

I heard info that she is still seeing this guy, which hurt me bad and put me into a relapse. I already posted on here before but I'm just having a hard time and don't know where to turn to.

I have really dark thoughts every day about suicide, and I know that's not the answer, but having a tough time dealing with this pain that will never go and just looking for a way to stop that.

I had been relying on this herb/drug called "kratom", but I ran out a couple days ago and it's now illegal in the UK due to the !!!!!! government, so I can't mask the pain anymore. Was even considering antidepressants, but not sure if they'd help.

She's on my mind every second or every day pretty much, and I think there's nothing more I can say to people about it. It's just hard to swallow that I'll probably never see her again, and If I do it will probably crush me as she'll be with another guy.

I don't know maybe/hopefully months down the line she'll reach out to me, but I know the reality of that is very slim. We had good times together, so I just don't know how she couldn't miss me in any way, unless she's just distracting herself with this rebound relationship. Even though its turning into less of a rebound as the weeks go on .

I text her 2 weeks ago, when I was wasted, and told her "i know you don't want anything to do with me, but I still love you loads and I hope your happy". Her response "It's not that I just think that it's easier to have no contact. I want you to find someone and be happy too". I then told her that I just feel like i've been replaced and that she's destroyed my confidence in myself. She finally text her that she didn't intend to meet someone so soon. I called her out on her b*llshit and never got a response.

I know that was the wrong thing to do. I came accross as needy and desperate, but when your emotional you just can't control yourself sometime.

I just have lost all belief in myself and zest for life. I don't know how I'll get over wanting her to come back, and how to get rid of that hope that she'll change her mind.
I know somehow I need to snap out of this and use it as fuel to push me in life, but it's hard. I had little confidence before meeting her and now it's even worse. I just find it hard to believe I'll find someone else as had little success with dating before.

Any advice on the matter? Anyone else been through this sort of thing? Do you think the age gap really was an issue long term?

thanks and if this shouldn't be on here I understand if it's deleted

LutonGirl

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down. I don't think the age gap was a factor, sometimes it just doesn't work out. Almost everyone has been through it and although it is an old cliche, time is a great healer. If you still feel like you need additional support, please do see your doctor. Relying on dodgy internet meds won't help in the long run.

You can have good times again with someone else, just give yourself some healing space and get back out there. Dating is a minefield, lord knows I sustained some battlescars, but there are good people looking for love too. Good luck.

PeacefulWaters

See a doctor.

Get counselling.

Call the Samaritans if the suicidal thoughts persist.

Exercise - even if it's just walking. Reduce caffeine and sugar. Eat healthily.

It's a passing phase of life that you will recover from and move onto a new and better phase. You will get there.

Guest101

And for gods sake stop taking 'legal highs', the govt was absolutely right to ban these drugs - they're filled with chemical which can cause serious mental health issues - no wonder you're suicidal.


Go see a GP immediately.

gonzo127

as other will say, pretty much everyone knows that feeling, but time does heal, and although it is likely to be harder at the moment as you have lost your security blanket of your medicine, in the long term it will actually be for the best as you will not be masking things but learning to deal with it properly.

now depending on where you live there can be lots of different things out there that can help, if you go to see your gp they might be able to perscribe some low dosage antidepressants, or better if they have it available in your area some basic therapy and counselling as it can be available on the NHS in some places (i know kent has it).

otherwise i would say dont go dating just yet, but do get out there, check out meetup for things in your area, its not specifically for finding love or anything like that, but gets you out of the house and meeting new people, i did this when my marriage ended and found it a great help in that it gave me a reason to get out of the house

Top_Girl

Delete her number. Nothing she says to you is going to make you feel any better and you're torturing yourself.

carlosevenos

i think I just wanted some sort of explanation for what happened. I just don't understand how she can drop me so quickly for someone else. It was only a week prior before she ended it that she was saying how much she missed me etc, when I went away for the weekend. It's hard as Ii'm back home again and have no real direction anymore.
I wouldn't say I'm suicidal as I wouldn't do it, just have thoughts. But the fear of death far outweighs doing it.
I could have been a better bf. I let her make most of the decisions and do most of the chores. She said to me quite a few times " I'm not your mum!". Apparently this new guy is the same sort of age as her, so maybe it could be compatibility.

I think at first I thought that this new guy may have been a rebound, so I thought she'd see the light eventually, and contact me again, but as time goes on it appears that it isn't so and she's really happy.

It's hard thinking about the person you love being intimate with someone else. Sometimes I just feel like there's a way I can snap her out of this. Love is so fickle really, I don't even know if I really believe in it. I don't think I could ever trust anyone again, it's shattered my beliefs.

katsclaws

Why do you refer to her children as 'baggage' and the 15 year old living elsewhere even though he must have been twelve when you got together. This is so rude. perhaps her new partner has a more mature attitude towards her and her children.

Guest101

carlosevenos wrote: »

i think I just wanted some sort of explanation for what happened. I just don't understand how she can drop me so quickly for someone else. It was only a week prior before she ended it that she was saying how much she missed me etc, when I went away for the weekend. It's hard as Ii'm back home again and have no real direction anymore.
I wouldn't say I'm suicidal as I wouldn't do it, just have thoughts. But the fear of death far outweighs doing it.
I could have been a better bf. I let her make most of the decisions and do most of the chores. She said to me quite a few times " I'm not your mum!". Apparently this new guy is the same sort of age as her, so maybe it could be compatibility.

I think at first I thought that this new guy may have been a rebound, so I thought she'd see the light eventually, and contact me again, but as time goes on it appears that it isn't so and she's really happy.

It's hard thinking about the person you love being intimate with someone else. Sometimes I just feel like there's a way I can snap her out of this. Love is so fickle really, I don't even know if I really believe in it. I don't think I could ever trust anyone again, it's shattered my beliefs.

So don't! You control your thoughts

carlosevenos

katsclaws wrote: »

Why do you refer to her children as 'baggage' and the 15 year old living elsewhere even though he must have been twelve when you got together. This is so rude. perhaps her new partner has a more mature attitude towards her and her children.

I don't really believe that. i'm just trying to convince myself that the relationship isn't right for me. Didn't want to argue with people

Guest101

carlosevenos wrote: »

I don't really believe that. i'm just trying to convince myself that the relationship isn't right for me. Didn't want to argue with people

By default it's not right for you. The person you want, doesn't want you back.


Ofcourse rejection is really hard to deal with. Its often seen as a judgment, as if you weren't 'good enough', but you need to take that person off the pedestal. it's not you, or them, it's just what it is.