finding a break up really hard

carlosevenos

my mum just told me as well that she was actually looking to move in with this guy only 1 month after she dumped me. I just don't f*cking understand this! She probably was cheating then, but if she was I don't understand how she had the time

Primrose

Well now you are seeing another side to her which you didn't earlier recognise and hopefully this will help you realise she was not really the person you thought she was.
Anybody who can dump a pet as easily as they can dump a boyfriend certainly doesn't have the characteristics of loyalty which is one of the main bedrocks of a steadfast relationship.
So start remembering this and congratulate yourself that actually you've a very lucky escape. It will probably not be long before the new boyfriend gets the same treatment. For heavens sake don't make another mistake and ever get back together with her again.

enthusiasticsaver

Not commented yet but agree with OPs that your ex sounds really selfish and you are obviously immature so a little bit of tough love here.

Stop wallowing and get yourself out at least once a day to do something which will make you happy. Do you have a circle of friends you can call on? Well done to you and your Mum to take on the dog and exercise staves off depression so why don't you give your mum a break and walk the dog before or after work to get some exercise and dogs are a great excuse to meet new people while you are out and about.

Get yourself down to your GP as you are obviously suffering from depression and could benefit from some counselling. He or she can also give you advice on the alcohol and substance abuse.

Are you happy in your work? If not look to do additional training so you can upskill and look for new opportunities. I would not say apply for new jobs yet as you seem very fragile which will not come across well in interviews but as you gain in confidence (which you will) this may change. Develop your interpersonal skills and go out and date lots of people until you find someone who values you as a person. You need to value yourself first though and at the moment you do not seem to like yourself very much.

Lastly, delete your exs number from your phone. You are well shot of her. Any time you find yourself thinking about her distract yourself by going for a walk or doing something around the house. Look to the future, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You are healthy and have a family and a roof over your head so have a lot to be thankful for.

carlosevenos

Primrose wrote: »

Well now you are seeing another side to her which you didn't earlier recognise and hopefully this will help you realise she was not really the person you thought she was.
Anybody who can dump a pet as easily as they can dump a boyfriend certainly doesn't have the characteristics of loyalty which is one of the main bedrocks of a steadfast relationship.
So start remembering this and congratulate yourself that actually you've a very lucky escape. It will probably not be long before the new boyfriend gets the same treatment. For heavens sake don't make another mistake and ever get back together with her again.

Yeh I think I'm realizing all of that now. I still feel as if I want and miss that "old" person I used to know, but maybe I didn't really see her bad qualities. I made many mistakes in the relationship, but this is starting to put me off her. Hopefully now I can move on. I just can't understand her behaviour

Primrose

Well many men say they can never understand women, even the ones they're married to so you are in good company !

carlosevenos

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Not commented yet but agree with OPs that your ex sounds really selfish and you are obviously immature so a little bit of tough love here.

Stop wallowing and get yourself out at least once a day to do something which will make you happy. Do you have a circle of friends you can call on? Well done to you and your Mum to take on the dog and exercise staves off depression so why don't you give your mum a break and walk the dog before or after work to get some exercise and dogs are a great excuse to meet new people while you are out and about.

Get yourself down to your GP as you are obviously suffering from depression and could benefit from some counselling. He or she can also give you advice on the alcohol and substance abuse.

Are you happy in your work? If not look to do additional training so you can upskill and look for new opportunities. I would not say apply for new jobs yet as you seem very fragile which will not come across well in interviews but as you gain in confidence (which you will) this may change. Develop your interpersonal skills and go out and date lots of people until you find someone who values you as a person. You need to value yourself first though and at the moment you do not seem to like yourself very much.

Lastly, delete your exs number from your phone. You are well shot of her. Any time you find yourself thinking about her distract yourself by going for a walk or doing something around the house. Look to the future, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You are healthy and have a family and a roof over your head so have a lot to be thankful for.

thanks for the comment. Yeh I think I can now put this all to rest as I'm starting to see her for what she really is, even though I still miss the person I know she is capable of being. Shame things worked out this way.
Yeh I have many friends and family, but have talked about it too much. Just difficult when you felt like you wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone and they move on as if you didn't matter.
It's over now though, she'll never come back to me, and I don't even know if I'd want her back with the way she's behaved over the last few months. I'll wish her well and maybe someday I'll bump into her again, who knows.
I'll try and work on my career and health now and try to mature and not wallow as much. I'll still think about her because she kind of was everything to me, but in reality she doesn't give a sh*t about me anymore, so why should I care about her.

Maybe I'm just missing the good sex life we had, but in reality that's nowhere near enough to make a relationship work, even though it's hard to think the other guy is now getting it.

Need to mature and become a man, even though It's hard just accepting it ended this way, but I have to.

thanks for your comment