finding a break up really hard

System

Their are 7 billion people in this world and half of them are sheilas. Don't waste time dwelling on soneone who isnt dwelling on you, if she wanted someone else its her loss and wasn't love, maybe she isnt capable of love who knows, get out there and find the right one who does appreciate you and don't think that this woman in any way represents the rest of womankind because she doesn't. Maybe you were just a poor judge of character when you chose a twonk, but there's no shame in that.

Stop taking the drugs and do a bit of overtime to channel your mind into something productive

System

Everybody gets rejected for relationships and jobs, everyone fails sometimes in various tasks, you'd be unusual if you didnt, so accept it gracefully

If you were selling products you'd be used to rejection all the time

carlosevenos

i think I have a scarcity mindset that's all and just assume that I can't find someone better for me. People always say there's 7 billion in the world, but then how many are in the uk, how many are men, how many are too old for me, how many are too young for me, how many are single, how many are interested in me?
See you can narrow the numbers down quite quickly. Only joking, as I know this is ridiculous thinking.

She wanted to be with me for 3 years or so, so It's just hard to understand how she went off me so quick. I know there's another guy in the picture, but she wouldn't have went for him if she was happy with me. Just can't help but get annoyed at all the mistakes I've made

kitrat

I think you need to talk to the doctors about your drug use, perhaps withdrawing has pushed you far in the direction of depression in a way that you haven't realised and it will take a while for your body to balance out again, perhaps the doc will think antidepressants would help for a while? It's certainly worth going for a chat.

System

Carlostevenos - there should still be a good sized demographic for you but its best to get a shimmy on with it before they all have lids of their own or marry or lose the ability to have kids, yours and everyone else's best chance is sooner rather than later. Try dating websites and services, where you're more likely to meet someone who is looking for the right things and be a little flexible if necessary, my sister is on the road to being an old spinster because shes turned away good men, don't make her mistake.

People kind of get into a pattern with life and that explains the 3 years I think, or maybe something clicked in her head, who knows, who cares (you shouldn't)

There's no label hanging over you, you meet every woman on the same platform as any other man meets them

Guest101

carlosevenos wrote: »

i think I have a scarcity mindset that's all and just assume that I can't find someone better for me. People always say there's 7 billion in the world, but then how many are in the uk - Approx 70,000,000, how many are men - Approx 35,000,000, how many are too old for me, how many are too young for me- Given your upper age range, let's estimate at 15,000,000 too old/young, how many are single - At any given time, approx. 1 in 3-5 adults are single. So 3-5,000,000, how many are interested in me? None, but your previous partner wasn't, until she met you.

See you can narrow the numbers down quite quickly. Only joking, as I know this is ridiculous thinking.

She wanted to be with me for 3 years or so, so It's just hard to understand how she went off me so quick. I know there's another guy in the picture, but she wouldn't have went for him if she was happy with me. Just can't help but get annoyed at all the mistakes I've made

Ok she wasn't happy, you didn't make her happy. Big deal.


Find someone who is happy just being with you.

Mojisola

carlosevenos wrote: »

i think I just wanted some sort of explanation for what happened.

I could have been a better bf. I let her make most of the decisions and do most of the chores. She said to me quite a few times " I'm not your mum!".

Apparently this new guy is the same sort of age as her, so maybe it could be compatibility.

carlosevenos wrote: »

She told me she didn't know the reason, but said she just doesn't feel it anymore and kept referring to the age gap. Saying things like we're not compatible.

It sounds as if you've been given the reason - she wanted an equal partner and you acted like a son enough times for her to get tired of it.

Get to the GP and talk through the drug taking - ask for counselling to sort yourself out.

System

Most women are looking for similar things I think, they can't depend on you if you depend on them

They need you to be strong enough to not need them, only then will they be happier

Its hard work to deal with other peoples insecurities, even if you are a good person, insecurities wear you down and you're never given the trust you deserve, you get viewed with paranoia, etc.

Remember that it'll be your job to make the woman happy, and your only doing this if she's not having to deal with your problems

Like most people your insecurities are unfounded, there's always someone out there who won't judge you like you may think everyone is judging you, but you must give them due credit

carlosevenos

well I'm not taking any drugs anymore as its now illegal. I'm taking st johns wort that helps with depression but doesn't seem to work as much as I hoped. I know I have to deal with the pain head on and I've cried countless times.

Just can't get over that frustration of how I messed things up. I want her back more than anything in the world. I know this isn't a healthy feeling as I know I've got to drop it as she isn't coming back.

It messes you up the thought of never seeing that person again. The person you saw every day just gone.

I suppose many people go through this though and It's harder when It's your first love. I just know we could have been happy together if I hadn't messed things up so bad. Thanks for your responses, but I just feel like I've lost myself. I hope I can recover from this.

I never believed in myself before and she gave me a reason to. When she left, it just reinforced the beliefs I had about myself to be true, that I'm not enough.
She left me for someone who she thought was better. It just crushes your ego

Mojisola

carlosevenos wrote: »

I never believed in myself before and she gave me a reason to.

When she left, it just reinforced the beliefs I had about myself to be true, that I'm not enough.

You won't be able to maintain a good relationship with anyone until you come to accept yourself and believe in yourself.

Don't try to find anyone else until you have sorted yourself out - you'll only get into another dependent relationship which won't be good for your (or her) and will reinforce your beliefs about yourself when you break up.

Despite what you think - you are a worthwhile human being. Find that in yourself and be happy.