finding a break up really hard

System

And really its not that much of a bummer if it means you'll end up with the right person in the end

Even now you're putting a lot of emotional pressure on that one woman, if you want the next one to succeed or at least be happy you'll need to give her a break, she'll need you to be emotionally independent and for that you need to be able to accept life alone, so the pressures not on her

Relationships are supposed to be happy natural things, not "be with me or it'll destroy me", and she might've sensed that, and she might've felt she shouldnt be expected to spend her whole life as a carer essentially, she might've felt it fair to pass your problems back to you to deal with

carlosevenos

i knew i could have done more. i could have looked after her better and been the man she needed.
I'm not a very mature 29 year old and have more growing up to do. Maybe i wasn't mature/experienced enough to look after a 43 year old, who needed support with her children and grandchild etc.
i've heard the person she's with now has a son not far off my age as well, which puts it into perspective.

ultmately i know if i just stepped up and stopped being so lazy and was the man i could be, she'd probably still be with me. it was my first relationship, and when that love word is thrown around you take it for granted and assume they'll always be there. I sort of thought maybe love meant a guarantee to a future together, but i was naive and didn't notice the signs that things weren't working.

i'm gutted about it and think about all the things i know i could have done differently all day. But i suppose i somehow need to build some confidence and learn from my mistakes so this hopefully will never have to happen again.

she's been in quite a few relationships and she's always done the dumping, so maybe she just has a hard time commiting to someone. I just am saddened that ill never see her again, but i suppose if i see her with someone else it'll just do me more harm than good

System

Carlos - I think the biggest issue was the dependency, not laziness, laziness isnt too hard to live with. That dependency issue is unrelated to age, I think women are more aware of it and spot it more easily than men and its a right killer of relationships.

I think she did and maybe still does love you but she's only human, she doesn't have an infinite coping ability and over time the dependency would've worn her down - in the beginning maybe she thought she could cope, later she realised she couldn't. And as I said before, she might've felt that by now the onus is really on you rather than her and that she didnt have to live like that.

This ones probably gone but put the good experience towards your next girlfriend when you meet her

Maybe she does have a bit of a track record, that part isn't something you can do anything about, but it also means she's not as wonderful as you may think

Don't torture yourself, do something you enjoy, learn from it as an experience and try with someone else when you're fully over it

DKLS

Do you have any mates OP? It sounds like you need a damn good night out to clear the cobwebs.

Robisere

You're indulging yourself, wallowing in self-pity. Every day, someone in this world loses the person they love most. Some walk away, some pass away. You are still young enough to get out there and do something about this. Stop being a wuss, get off your backside and do something about it.

System

When I used to feel like that my ps2 got me through, I thought at least I can use this life to play video games, and eat crisps

AlwaysWorking

OP I've been where you are. It hurts like hell and you imagine you'll never be happy again. There is no quick fix but keeping busy with work, friends and hobbies stopped me from thinking about my ex. I only started to move on when I broke off all contact and deleted his numbers. I also went for counselling and found it helped a lot to talk to an outsider as obviously my family and friends were upset on my behalf and not always the most impartial. :rotfl:

In time you will be happy again...you just need to strike a balance between letting yourself grieve for the relationship, and not wallowing in it.

Be kind to yourself.

melanzana

OP, a break up is akin to a bereavement, except you have lost the person, but they are still there. Not a happy place for anyone.

You sound so sad.

No one can say "pull yourself together" (as if you were a pair of curtains), because they are not you.

It is normal to grieve a big loss. Totally normal.

It will pass in time, but it will be painful there is no doubt about that.

Judging by your post, I think a visit to the GP might be useful, even if it is to spill your guts and get it all out in front of a professional. H/she may arrange counselling for you too. Go, and empower yourself.

There will be no solutions whilst sitting in the dark mulling over it all and getting deeper into sadness and depression.

You are a young man, the world is your oyster. You just have to make the decision as to whether you want to be sad and depressed forever, or get some help.

I do hope you go the "get help" route.

Best of luck.

AlwaysWorking

Robisere wrote: »

Stop being a wuss, get off your backside and do something about it.

Not helpful.

carlosevenos

yeah I do have a few mates. I have been out drinking quite a bit. In reality I'm probably doing ore fun things now without her in my life, but just miss her, and it does make you feel undesirable when someone would prefer to be with someone else rather than you.
Maybe she was unhappy for months and just plodded along untill she felt nothing for me anymore, and when this new guy came along, it was more convenient for her to move on to another romantic interest rather than going back to living with her grandad (as she couldn't afford to move by herself).

Still wish I could have had a bit more respect as when she dumped me, she just went full blown no contact out of nowhere. It was literally days before that she was saying she loved me etc.

I won't commit suicide and like was said its a permanent issue to a temporary problem, even though it doesn't feel temorary. I know i should just "man up" but it's hard when you connect with someone.

I think I need another girl or something, to prove I can do it again, but I know first I need to somehow be happy and confident in myself. I just think about what could have been. I had so much planned for this year with her and now it's all gone.

I just have to somehow fall out of love with her and get to the point where I wouldn't even want her back