Screwed up big time

Mojisola

itsanne wrote: »

First of all, if he didn't run up the debt, he knew nothing about it and it was kept hidden from him for a long time, how is it his responsibility?

If a couple are used to two incomes and one person stops earning, it's down to both of them to reassess the family budget.

It shows that there were problems with the relationship dating back to then when she got into debt rather than discuss money with him and he was happy to carry on with the same standard of living without wondering how it was being funded.

Guest101

Mojisola wrote: »

If a couple are used to two incomes and one person stops earning, it's down to both of them to reassess the family budget.

It shows that there were problems with the relationship dating back to then when she got into debt rather than discuss money with him and he was happy to carry on with the same standard of living without wondering how it was being funded.

If one person says they'll do it, then that's what you can reasonably expect to happen.

Pixie5740

They both have some responsibility for the debt. How did he think the household was running the same with one less income and one extra mouth to feed? I think in one post the OP said her husband had given her his cc to use. Did he never check his cc statements? I'm sure another post says that the DMP payment comes out the joint account. If the OP had a secret gambling problem or was a shopaholic hiding purchases from her husband then I could see why the debt would be a surprise but according to the OP the money was used to keep the household running. Should she have discussed the household finances with her husband...absolutely but he isn't entirely blamless.

This is all assuming what the OP has told us is true because her story is starting to have more holes in it than a block of Jarlsberg.

Nicki

Pixie5740 wrote: »

They both have some responsibility for the debt. How did he think the household was running the same with one less income and one extra mouth to feed? I think in one post the OP said her husband had given her his cc to use. Did he never check his cc statements? I'm sure another post says that the DMP payment comes out the joint account. If the OP had a secret gambling problem or was a shopaholic hiding purchases from her husband then I could see why the debt would be a surprise but according to the OP the money was used to keep the household running. Should she have discussed the household finances with her husband...absolutely but he isn't entirely blamless.

This is all assuming what the OP has told us is true because her story is starting to have more holes in it than a block of Jarlsberg.

My husband wouldn't have a clue whether I was spending £60 a week on groceries or £200 provided food was on the table. It just wouldn't register with him. Nor would he notice whether the kids were dressed in onesies from Primark/Asda or from Mothercare or whether these were secondhand. It's fairly easy to run up "hidden costs" like this which aren't essential costs but equally aren't very visible, and with interest accruing all the time on a debt, the OP could quite quickly have run up a debt of this size by overspending by a few hundred a month.

Pollycat

Nicki wrote: »

My husband wouldn't have a clue whether I was spending £60 a week on groceries or £200 provided food was on the table. It just wouldn't register with him. Nor would he notice whether the kids were dressed in onesies from Primark/Asda or from Mothercare or whether these were secondhand. It's fairly easy to run up "hidden costs" like this which aren't essential costs but equally aren't very visible, and with interest accruing all the time on a debt, the OP could quite quickly have run up a debt of this size by overspending by a few hundred a month.

If the OP overspent by £300 a month it would have taken her over 4 years to run up a £15k debt.

Lostinhere wrote: »

Then a couple of weeks ago he found some debt id been hiding from him. 15k of it.

"Quite quickly"?

Nicki

Well she says in her OP that this was run up over the course of 6 years Pollycat so I'm not too far off the mark perhaps in how it happened without being obvious to her partner.

Pollycat

Nicki wrote: »

Well she says in her OP that this was run up over the course of 6 years Pollycat so I'm not too far off the mark perhaps in how it happened without being obvious to her partner.

We clearly have a different view of the definition of 'quickly'.

The OP says that he was aware of the DMP but not the extent of the debt.
I think the OP's husband abdicated any responsibility for checking that their finances were OK.

I had a child like that too - until I divorced him.

Guest101

Pollycat wrote: »

We clearly have a different view of the definition of 'quickly'.

The OP says that he was aware of the DMP but not the extent of the debt.
I think the OP's husband abdicated any responsibility for checking that their finances were OK.

I had a child like that too - until I divorced him.

As a non - working partner in a relationship. Do the household finances not come under the job role?


Hardly a child. He's working, bringing money in and trusting his wife to balance the books using that, child benefit and whatever else they got. - seems perfectly reasonable

Nicki

Pollycat wrote: »

We clearly have a different view of the definition of 'quickly'.

.

I suspect we do 😀 The older I get the more I find the years fly by, and 6 years really doesn't feel like very long to me.

The fact remains if OP didn't say anything to her husband about the debt as she was accruing it, and her excess spending wasn't flamboyant (in the sense of splurging on big purchases) just not cutting her cloth according to her means (buying higher quality goods than she could afford) then it's not really her husband's fault he wasn't aware of the size of the debt.

I'd expect my husband to tell me if he was applying for credit in my name or carrying credit card debt for more than a few months. Would you not expect the same of your spouse rather than expecting that you would need to check up on them constantly. Rather than the OH behaving like a child I think he was not treating the OP like a child but expecting her to be responsible with the family's financial security.

Pollycat

Guest101 wrote: »

As a non - working partner in a relationship. Do the household finances not come under the job role?

Not in my book.
It's a joint responsibility to be aware that everything is ticking along nicely.

Guest101 wrote: »

Hardly a child. He's working, bringing money in and trusting his wife to balance the books using that, child benefit and whatever else they got. - seems perfectly reasonable

A child - imho - from a financial perspective.

Nicki wrote: »

The fact remains if OP didn't say anything to her husband about the debt as she was accruing it, and her excess spending wasn't flamboyant (in the sense of splurging on big purchases) just not cutting her cloth according to her means (buying higher quality goods than she could afford) then it's not really her husband's fault he wasn't aware of the size of the debt.

I'd expect my husband to tell me if he was applying for credit in my name or carrying credit card debt for more than a few months. Would you not expect the same of your spouse rather than expecting that you would need to check up on them constantly. Rather than the OH behaving like a child I think he was not treating the OP like a child but expecting her to be responsible with the family's financial security.

I think the OP is more to blame in this whole sorry mess for running up the debt without saying anything but I also think the husband isn't blameless for assuming she was managing.

I don't actually need to expect my spouse to tell me if he was applying for credit in my name (I'd actually expect to have to sign something in that particular scenario) or carrying credit card debt for more than a few months.
We have joint finances and both have access to the online accounts.
I update with any spend I make and he does the same.
We discuss any large spends, whether they are house-related or personal.