Screwed up big time

Smodlet

Wow. And I was missing my one and only soap, what with all the ruddy sport; who needs soaps, with all this? OP, I would suggest another possible job you could do: Write scripts for soap operas but don't think your inconsistencies would be anything the continuity dept. could ever fix.

FBaby

Nicki wrote: »

When you get settled in a new place will you look for childcare and a job, or consider working from home, with a view to paying something off the joint debt too or reducing the amount of maintenance he has to pay? That would sound like the decent thing to do.

No OP expect to have them written off.

OP you are now stronger and with the support of your dad. This is a great step forward. Please don't use this new found power to control him as a way to take revenge because he didn't take you back when you wanted him to. Please for the sake of your children don't stop contact and don't insist on a children centre. That will only bring you satisfaction but will be traumatic for your children.

Lostinhere

Yes when the baby is 2 (in 9 months) I get some free childcare and the same until she starts school so hopefully I can find something part time to fit around both of them.

I haven't heard from dh but I have told him via email he is welcome to see the children and I will bring them to him. Initially not all day or overnight because he needs to build a bond with them and he has never really looked after them by himself (even when I was in hospital the eldest was at school taken by my friend and my sister helped out)

I'm feeling really low this morning but dd is cheering me up because she's dancing around like a loon

lozzy81

So glad to see you have made the first step! now once your dd is at school get to the council and start getting something sorted out.... your husband didn't even call you to see where you were? you are so much better off now! don't lose contact with your dad again you are very very lucky he stepped in to help

Good Luck

Nicki

FBaby wrote: »

No OP expect to have them written off.

.

Written off by whom? Why would the credit card company write off a joint debt when her husband earns £30k pa and is jointly and severally liable for it?

Even if it's possible for her to avoid liability to the CC personally for this after the split, if her OH is still going to have to pay it off, surely morally she should help with that either by accepting less maintenance than she is strictly entitled to or by paying some towards it out of her earnings?

Lostinhere

No I haven't heard for him at all. He obviously knows we've gone as I've taken a lot of the girls clothes etc. It's made me really sad that he doesn't care. He hasn't even replied about seeing the girls.

Stepchange advised I could get a debt relief order for all my debt, including my liability for joint debt. If my situation improves within a year then they revoke it and I go on a payment plan.

Realistically I cannot guarantee to be in work in a year from now because although I am trying, it takes time to find a suitable job with the right hours.

However once I work, I will tell dh to either reduce or stop child support.

I'm feeling fed up, but I need to decide whether to stay local and keep dd and my friends, or move 50 miles away to be near family. Then I can get on to the council. It's a hard decision

Mojisola

Lostinhere wrote: »

However once I work, I will tell dh to either reduce or stop child support.

That's not fair on the children.

The NRP pays towards the children's needs. If you can manage on money you are earning, put the CM their Dad pays into savings accounts for them.

enthusiasticsaver

I have just caught up on this thread and think some people are being very harsh but you have definitely done the right thing and so good you are no longer estranged from your Dad and he is helping. I would suggest that you think very closely about moving nearer your family - Dad, sister, gran even though you obviously have friends nearby to help you out. I actually can quite understand how upset you would be to lose all your baby photos and I hope when things have calmed down and you and your OH have talked things through you will get it back again.

You will need to apply for benefits so a visit to the social security office to see what you are entitle to would be a good start and the get the legal side moving of getting child support from your OH. Keep in contact with stepchange and learn to properly budget from now.

Whilst I am glad you are out of this toxic situation neither you nor your OH sound mature enough to have kids but you seem to love them and are looking after them now. Can I ask how old you are? Did you have them young or am I being really judgemental. Sorry if so, I do not mean to be.

Protect them and put them first from now on. Honesty re debt is always the best policy and try to gain some self confidence by going back to work as you can as I think that will help you heal. Good luck going forward.

Lostinhere

Reducing or stopping child support is my contribution to the debt. Otherwise he would be giving me money for me to give back iyswim.

I do love my children more than life itself. We are both 30. Together since 19, so yes young.

I am undecided about moving. Here dd has school (there is the chance of fixing school issues to keep her there), friends etc. My friends are here. If we move to the other city we are an hours drive from friends. Dd would have to move school. But she'd make new friends i suppose. It's difficult

Caroline_a

However once I work, I will tell dh to either reduce or stop child support.

This is ridiculous. Even if you don't need it, you could put it in a savings account for your children for when they go to uni/buy a house, etc etc. Stop playing the martyr! My ex gave me nothing for my daughter, swapped jobs or gave them up just as the CSA caught up with him, and at the time anyone on benefits didn't have to pay anything. I worked out that had he given me £5 a week from when we split up she would have had around £2500 to go to uni with - not a huge amount of money, but at least a bit of a buffer.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I've been there with 3 kids so understand the difficulties of being a single parent. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and put the kids first!