Screwed up big time

FBaby

lilibet1 wrote: »

I have been watching this thread since the beginning and some of the posters have been very rude and bullied the poor woman. I would love to see how many of you would be happy if your other half disappeared overnight. It's a ludicrous situation and he obviously wasn't taking any notice of how she was managing and then threw his toys out of the pram when he realised there was debt....

Good luck to you with your future ahead.
Lili

How did you reach that conclusion? Maybe he was frantically looking for OP and the children. OP can't know for sure what he did so how can we posters do?

Pollycat

Guest101 wrote: »

I doubt we'll agree on this - thankfully we don't have to

It's difficult to reply to your posts as you seem to like replying to points within other posters' quotes which makes quoting your comments less easy than if you posted within your own message.

But Hey Ho!

The 'nonworking partner' does stuff at home - preferably agreed with the working partner.
Maybe looks after any children, cooking etc. - But not the finances? Children, totally fine to take over responsibility for the living and breathing, but not the credit card?

Did I say it was a case of not being responsible enough to do it?
No, I didn't.

Both I and OH worked full-time and split the household jobs but checked finances together. - That's not the same situation.

Did I say it was?
No, I didn't. You cast aspersions on the trust between me and my OH.
I was simply explaining how we did/do things.

When I retired and was at home for 3 years whilst he still worked full-time, I did the housework, shopping. cooking, meal-planning, gardening.
But we still did the finances together. - So any other way is totally wrong?

Did I say it was wrong?
No, I didn't.
I posted how we deal with finances.
But maybe it could be construed as wrong as there seems to be a number of people - including the OP - who run up debts without their partner knowing.

We discuss the state of our investments (been a busy week after the referendum with the free-fall of share prices) and decide together about selling/buying - although he does spend more time than me reading market reports. - But those are joint assets. Not one person running up credit the other doesn't know about?

No.
Not one person.
Our finances are totally transparent.

I happen to think that financial responsibilty is far too important to be left to one person. - I disagree.

And that's absolutely fine. I don't need you to agree with me.

That's not a matter or trust or mistrust - just a sensible way to behave (and ensure that we don't end up in the same situation as the OP and a number of other people we know). - But actually you could end up in that situation. the OPs OH didn't know about it, because she fraudulently took out credit in his name.

What part of trust and transparency do you not understand?

It's our money - our responsibility. - But not the children....

Sorry? What children?

FTR - the 'child' I divorced was happy if he had £10 in his pocket to buy a few drinks. - That has nothing to do with one person working and one not working.
He didn't care how much the electricity bill was or if we had enough money to pay it.
If he didn't have his £10 for beers he'd use our credit card to withdraw cash, despite me explaining that it was costing us money for him to do that.
He put a deposit down on a sports car without telling me - which we couldn't afford.
I would much rather live with a partner who takes equal responsibility for money than someone who is 'content' to leave it to someone else.

I was explaining my 'child' comment.
But he did resign from his job and kept it from me for a number of weeks so we continued living as though 2 wages were coming in.
And only admitted it when I queried why his wages had not been paid into our bank account.

paddy's_mum

lilibet1 wrote: »

some of the posters have been very rude and bullied the poor woman

Yes and I'd do it all over again, and increase it by a factor of a thousand, if I believed that it would make any stupid or selfish poster stop and assess their own behaviour!

Perhaps in this particular thread you missed the conduct that cannot have been achieving anything except distress and damage to two small children? Perhaps you believe that living for weeks under a posionous cloud of hostility and dislike and fear is good for young children?

If that is what you term bullying and rude, then three cheers for me and every other poster who yelled "whoa..."!

Rude? Me? You betcha :T

lilibet1

FBaby wrote: »

How did you reach that conclusion? Maybe he was frantically looking for OP and the children. OP can't know for sure what he did so how can we posters do?

I clearly meant that he wasn't taking any notice of how she was managing financially for so long.

lilibet1

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Yes and I'd do it all over again, and increase it by a factor of a thousand, if I believed that it would make any stupid or selfish poster stop and assess their own behaviour!

Perhaps in this particular thread you missed the conduct that cannot have been achieving anything except distress and damage to two small children? Perhaps you believe that living for weeks under a posionous cloud of hostility and dislike and fear is good for young children?

If that is what you term bullying and rude, then three cheers for me and every other poster who yelled "whoa..."!

Rude? Me? You betcha :T

Lovely to admit that you're a bully and rude:T

Pollycat

lilibet1 wrote: »

Lovely to admit that you're a bully and rude:T

I don't believe paddy's mum admitted to being a bully.
What she actually posted was:

paddy's_mum wrote: »

If that is what you term bullying and rude, then three cheers for me and every other poster who yelled "whoa..."!

Just because you deem it bullying doesn't make it so.

just_trying

lilibet1 wrote: »

I have been watching this thread since the beginning and some of the posters have been very rude and bullied the poor woman. I would love to see how many of you would be happy if your other half disappeared overnight. It's a ludicrous situation and he obviously wasn't taking any notice of how she was managing and then threw his toys out of the pram when he realised there was debt....

Good luck to you with your future ahead.
Lili

Have to agree with above poster, especially regarding one person who's posted a lot . I wonder what replys she would have got if she had posted in the dfw board where there's partners who don't always know about the debt.

Some people are just nasty

lilibet1

just_trying wrote: »

Have to agree with above poster, especially regarding one person who's posted a lot . I wonder what replys she would have got if she had posted in the dfw board where there's partners who don't always know about the debt.

Some people are just nasty

You're right, some people are just plain nasty, bullies, unsympathetic and generally all time know it alls. You're also right that if this would have been posted in the DFW group then no way would the OP have been treated like this. Shame on them, they know who they are!

Mupette

just_trying wrote: »

Have to agree with above poster, especially regarding one person who's posted a lot . I wonder what replys she would have got if she had posted in the dfw board where there's partners who don't always know about the debt.

Some people are just nasty

lilibet1 wrote: »

You're right, some people are just plain nasty, bullies, unsympathetic and generally all time know it alls. You're also right that if this would have been posted in the DFW group then no way would the OP have been treated like this. Shame on them, they know who they are!

So you guys were happy to see 2 grown behave in a way that upset the children, a toxic environment?

Let me spin this like you two have done,

You both agree with child cruelty and abuse, Yes shame on you.

just_trying

Spin what, grow up.

Yes real world here, she got into debt. He antagonised the situation by ignoring her and making the situation worse.

Child cruelty and abuse, she abused her kids how and was cruel when, looking at cctv ?.She was with him for 10 years, she's the one caring for them now.

Oh, yeah plus we were saying people's nasty comments weren't helping someone who yes was feeling vulnerable. I have kids so what are you insinuating ?.