Screwed up big time

Mupette

just_trying wrote: »

Explain yourself you said we agree with child cruelty and abuse you managed to make that comment clear.

I think I just did

just_trying

Mupette wrote: »

You really don't need to lower yourself to this, that is just childish.

You may of seen the OP as vulnerable, a lot of us saw her slightly differently.

If we had not told her to leave for the sake of her children, who knows what house smashing, verbal abuse the children would of seen and heard, and where i come from that is not acceptable.

It's nothing more than child abuse - something i seen and heard a lot as a child, not to mention a mother who's view on discipline was to beat the living daylights out of me just because.

I would never put my son through that so as soon as my ex was doing it that was it, he was out and we were divorced.

Its taken me years to get over what my parents and ex did to me, do you think that was acceptable?

parents don't realise what their actions can do to children.

We were concerned about the children. And I stand by everything i said.

No one said smashing the house etc was acceptable instead I said the opposite. Yeah people saying to leave then belittle her when she did leave accusing her of being a troll. A lot of us saw her differently what difference does that make, the majority wins ?. It was him making the situation worse at the end, she's out now.

You can say my comment was childish, but that's my opinion. You accused me of agreeing with child abuse and cruelty which is far from true.

Mupette

just_trying wrote: »

No one said smashing the house etc was acceptable instead I said the opposite. Yeah people saying to leave then belittle her when she did leave accusing her of being a troll. A lot of us saw her differently what difference does that make, the majority wins ?. It was him making the situation worse at the end, she's out now.

You can say my comment was childish, but that's my opinion. You accused me of agreeing with child abuse and cruelty which is far from true.

They were both as bad as each other, he did stuff and so did the OP.

If no one told her to leave, do you think she would still be there? the little 6 year old stuck in the middle seeing the OP and husband like that all the time when they are in the house. I'd say yes she'd still be there if this story was true.

Sometimes people need a push in the right direction, I did.

Where i used to live we had a woman in an extremely unhealthy relationship where her fella beat the living daylights out of her she had several young children, even when pregnant with his child he would beat her, she would run hammering on all our doors begging to be let in, and each neighbour had her in sobbing and bleeding, she would refuse the police, and when asked why she stayed with him her reply was because i love him. the only way she got rid of him was when he was caught beating her and her friend with a metal dog chain and her friend went to the police he got 5 years, for all i know they could be back together living that life.

So yes i can see how it would be difficult for someone to work towards getting out of that situation. But the OP was ignoring what we were saying, she preferred to play the victim, she wanted all the attention when we were concerned about the welfare of the children, because someone has to.

But the OP changed her story a lot, so yes you get suspicious of if this was really legit.

just_trying

Mupette wrote: »

They were both as bad as each other, he did stuff and so did the OP.

If no one told her to leave, do you think she would still be there? the little 6 year old stuck in the middle seeing the OP and husband like that all the time when they are in the house. I'd say yes she'd still be there if this story was true.

Sometimes people need a push in the right direction, I did.

Where i used to live we had a woman in an extremely unhealthy relationship where her fella beat the living daylights out of her she had several young children, even when pregnant with his child he would beat her, she would run hammering on all our doors begging to be let in, and each neighbour had her in sobbing and bleeding, she would refuse the police, and when asked why she stayed with him her reply was because i love him. the only way she got rid of him was when he was caught beating her and her friend with a metal dog chain and her friend went to the police he got 5 years, for all i know they could be back together living that life.

So yes i can see how it would be difficult for someone to work towards getting out of that situation. But the OP was ignoring what we were saying, she preferred to play the victim, she wanted all the attention when we were concerned about the welfare of the children, because someone has to.

But the OP changed her story a lot, so yes you get suspicious of if this was really legit.

Honestly, I think she might have been, when I was reading it yes at points I was thinking leave, leave. My point was I didn't agree with some posters.

Then you accuse me and another poster of agreeing with child abuse and neglect far from true I have kids.

That story above seems as though I've read it.

It's simple as this I don't agree with child abuse or neglect, I felt/feel sorry for her and some comments were nasty.

FBaby

lilibet1 wrote: »

I clearly meant that he wasn't taking any notice of how she was managing financially for so long.

Are you implying that he was a bad husband because he wasn't overseeing what they had agreed to be her responsibility in their marriage?

Surely in a household when both works FT, or one works FT and the other one's job is to look after the house/children, responsibilities are defined so that there is no duplication in roles, to avoid waste of time/energy etc... It works well in most relationship because it is based on trust. I would be utterly horrified if my husband felt he needed to check on me for the things I do on behalf of our family because he didn't trust I could do so properly.

The only person at fault with his debt is OP, either because she ran it herself, which I suspect, or if indeed it is to be believed that it is because she was struggling to run the house budget, for not letting him know especially when the consequences will affect him a lot more than her.

I didn't pick up from OP's posts that she truly felt sorry for this, only acknowledging her error because it was expected of her and I suspect he also didn't feel she took responsibility for the impact of her actions.

paddy's_mum

Mupette wrote: »

We were concerned about the children. And I stand by everything i said.

As do I. Two 30 year old parents playing tit for tat is a very unwholesome situation with the potential to end in a death somewhere...

lilibet1

Mupette wrote: »

Please forgive the odd word misspelled or missed I have MS.

lilibet1 I think it's quite clear that nobody is doing that you Mupette. However, I'm unsure what you meant as your post makes no sense.

I'm not reading yours right either

Why would I know that you have MS? Just like you wouldn't know that I'm very ill. However, the fact that I'm ill makes me have compassion. It's something that I have developed more since being ill, hence my disappointment in some of the posts.

lilibet1

just_trying wrote: »

Suki, no one said they wanted there children brought up in this situation, what I said was some comments were wrong, I didn't agree with them. I've read most of the thread and yes sorry if you don't agree she came across as vulnerable.

From what I've read she said child centre contact due to previous incidents and putting the swings up for the children yes and maybe scoring points as look back he was awkward when she said no he was saying yes, what's that about.

She's left according to her posts and no I don't appreciate muppets comments, where I'm from the meaning of her user name fits perfect.

Hear hear:)

FBaby

Why do people can't accept that even when it is appropriate to point out that we should remain respectful of OP, it doesn't mean that there isn't two sides to a story and that because they make accusations pertaining to the other party -usually getting worse as the thread goes on and OPs feels a need to defend themselves-, that these accusations are totally accurate, or more often not stipulated in context of the situation as events happened.

I have little doubt that had OP's husband been the one posting his situation, the thread would have gone in the direction that his wife was a lazy, controlling, selfish and manipulative abuser. That's the essence of forums, we only ever get one side of the story.

There was one instance where a poster came with quite similar story about how horrible her partner/husband was, with posters replying that she was being abused and needed to contact agencies to protect herself etc.. for the husband to supposedly have found the thread and posted a totally different tale to the story. I don't think we ever found out whether the whole thing was genuine, but it was definitely an eye opener.

In the end, because we don't know the situation, we all post based on our interpretation of the situation depending on our own experiences, which means that some will identify more with the posters, whilst others more with the the person belittled by the poster.

FBaby

Even when she told us he turned his phone off that was met with "he probably got fed up with her calling him!" Maybe she was suffering with an illness like PND?

And without getting into the debate, OP actually posted that her husband was suffering from depression, so where are you showing compassion for his situation?